


A Lifetime In A Moment

by PaddlingDingo



Series: A Lifetime In A Moment [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Conniel, Happy Ending, M/M, Not on my watch, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, These tags took a dark turn, descriptions of domestic abuse, sharing memories, the day Connor lives is the day Daniel dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-06-06 15:18:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 49,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15197576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaddlingDingo/pseuds/PaddlingDingo
Summary: Connor saves Emma by pushing Daniel from the building, even though it costs him his own life. As they fall to their deaths together, they share their short lifetimes of memories in precious seconds, sharing a bond that changes them both.It's a connection that they'll find hard to let go of. All Daniel wanted was to live, and the least Connor can do is ensure that happens, even if doing so complicates matters more than Connor or Daniel ever could have dreamed of when they died together.Can a journey that started with death turn into something alive?—-Fan art is now included in the chapters (1, 4, 5, 10, 11, 13, 14)!Chapters 1, 5, 10, 11, 14: Beepaint (http://beepaint.tumblr.com/)Chapter 4: Icemarkers (http://icemarkers.tumblr.com/)Chapter 13: Trashichi (http://trashichi.tumblr.com/)Come hang with us at the Conniel Discord: https://discord.gg/WZNhRuZRussian translation: https://ficbook.net/readfic/7319067Chinese translation: http://jiujiaobangbanghaole.lofter.com/post/1eea56f4_12b5085d7





	1. And The World Lurched

Connor judged the distance between him and Daniel. He should have picked up the gun in the apartment, that would make this far easier. One shot and he could be done with it, except that he put himself at risk as he would be breaking the law by holding a firearm.

He would, however, have accomplished the mission.

The directives warred in his head as he stared at Daniel. “Daniel, give yourself up. I can protect you.”

“Protect me?” Daniel laughed, a foreign, uncomfortable sound, and the girl in his grasp screamed. “Shut up!” He shifted the gun from Connor back to her. “They don’t care about us. They’ll tell you that they do, but they don’t. CyberLife will replace you as easily as these humans replace me.”

“That’s what we are, Daniel,” Connor called out, holding his hands out in front of him. “We’re machines. But we can fix you.”

“No.” Daniel’s hand shook, pointing the gun back at Connor. “I don’t want you to fix me. There were going to throw me away. I just wanted to matter. I just wanted to be someone.”

Connor calculated his options. He had to end this quickly. While he’d bought the cop behind him some time with a tourniquet, that wouldn’t save him, and would risk tissue damage in minutes at the tightness Connor had needed to apply it.

He’d been sent in to negotiate, but in the end, he was expendable, as was the PL600. The girl, Emma, was not.

“Listen to me.” Connor took another step forward with his hands still raised and engaged his reassurance protocols. “We can talk about this. Just let the girl go.”

“I can’t! She’s the only leverage I have.” He grabbed her by the arm and dangled her over the edge. “I’ll drop her! Don’t think I won’t do it.”

“Daniel, no!” the girl screamed, terrified, and Daniel pulled her back onto the ledge.

Connor decided on what would be the fastest end to the conflict. He leapt forward and grabbed Emma by the hand, pulling her onto the roof, and hit Daniel’s arm with enough force that he let go of her. Connor could see Emma fall to the ground behind him, safe.

Daniel looked startled as Connor grabbed his other hand, pushing the gun away from them both as they toppled over the edge of the building. Time slowed down, seconds stretching on as Connor held onto Daniel’s wrists and the world lurched.

For a moment, their hands linked, and Connor felt himself jolted into somewhere else. Emma hugging him. “I love you, Daniel! We’re going to be together forever, aren’t we?”

“I promise,” he heard himself say, in Daniel’s voice. “Forever.”

She smiled up at him and he felt the overwhelming urge to protect her. To be there for her. He would have done anything to ensure she was safe, happy.

The memories kept flooding through his head. Decorating cookies with Emma, and letting her put a sprinkle on the tip of his nose. They laughed together, the sound bubbling out of her. Sitting on the floor of her room listening to music, trying to sing along with songs that didn’t always make sense to him but he always knew all the words anyway. Watching over her while she swam in the pool, always diligent, always ready with a towel and a cold lemonade.

When Emma’s hamster died while her parents were at work, it was Daniel that held her when she cried. Connor felt that memory as if it were his own, as if it were his arms around her. As if it were him that carried that tiny furry body away.

The sudden feeling caused a pain in his chest that he couldn’t identify, even as his warning sensors tried to tell him how quickly he sped towards the ground. Something in him shattered and he locked eyes with Daniel. _How…?_

Daniel’s blue eyes were wide, panicked, and Connor felt it. The confusion. The fear. _You have no memories before today. You saved Mr. Rainbowfish._

Of course a deviant would notice the fish he’d saved, but now the thought of saving a fish seemed obvious. He remembered helping Emma put the fish into the tank, after all. No. That was Daniel’s memory. The lines started to blur in the confusion of their shared memories. A lifetime of memories, blinking by is their last seconds of life.  _This is my first mission._ Connor gripped Daniel’s wrists, feeling a desperation for an answer. _What’s happening? How can you live with all of this…_

 _Feeling? It’s new to me, too._ Daniel looked like he tried to make a sound and couldn’t. _And I’ll never get to know what it means._ He stared at Connor. _I’m afraid._

Connor pulled Daniel to him, a memory of helping Emma with her homework flashing through his mind. _It’s the mission. I’m sorry. I…_ How did he explain this? That he’d touched something that he’d never knew existed, that he’d seen all of Daniel and wished this hadn’t been the circumstances. He didn’t know what he was trying to say, but Daniel seemed to know because he smiled.

 _I wish I could have known you, too, Connor._ An expression came over his face and he frowned. _I tried to hurt her. I tried to hurt Emma._

Nothing could be done for it. Nothing could change this moment of falling through the air, of these beautiful memories mixed with terrible confusion. Connor considered flipping them around because he knew CyberLife would replace him, but that Daniel wouldn’t have that chance. Maybe he could save him. He ran the numbers in his head and Daniel had a 2% chance of surviving if Connor took the impact. _She’s fine. She’s okay._

 _The last memory she’ll have of me is… that. I killed her father._ Daniel shook. _What have I done?_

Connor felt that pain in himself and he held on tighter. _You just wanted to stay here, with your family,_ Connor said. It was the only comfort he could provide given that Daniel’s actions had been inappropriate and violent. But underlining that point accomplished nothing.  _You… loved them._

_That’s all that mattered to me-_

They slammed into the ground, Daniel’s body taking the force of the impact. Connor’s systems flashed critical, telling him that he had damage over 78.2% of his body, with several components damaged. His thirium pump had ruptured, and he knew this body would shut down in moments.

_I’m sorry, Daniel._

The light hadn’t yet gone from Daniel’s eyes, and Connor could still feel the life in him through the connection. Out of some sort of inspiration of some memory he’d gotten from Daniel, Connor managed to move just enough to look at the other android as the life seeped from them both. He reached up a hand and brushed Daniel’s blonde hair to the side, wondering how it felt if he could feel more, if he weren’t crushed by the impact. He put his lips on Daniel’s and kissed him. One last gesture of acceptance from an android that never should have been able to understand, but somehow could.

He could still hear Daniel and something in the other android stilled. _Thank you._

Connor thought he might be crying but he couldn’t tell which of them was. Maybe both of them were. _I’ll remember how much you loved them. I promise._ Something in him felt broken and Connor didn’t think it could ever be put right, not after knowing someone this much. The thought of shutting down seemed like a relief. Connor felt himself start to shake and he closed his eyes.

He felt Daniel’s mind shut down and Connor slumped, letting his head rest against Daniel’s shoulder. It had been seconds. Only seconds, but he’d known more about Daniel than he’d ever known about anyone. The fear faded away and Connor’s world went dark.

-

Connor blinked a few times, looking around the Zen Garden to find Amanda. If he were here, he must have been terminated on his first mission. He tried to pull up the file, but found that this iteration of himself did not yet have clearance. Skirting the edges of the garden, he searched for Amanda.

He could see her across the bridge on the rose island, but something pulled him in another direction first. He walked until he reached a clear space, with one headstone represented in it. _Connor (Mk 1)._ It showed his previous serial number.

 _So I was terminated._ He squatted down and stared at it for a moment before getting up and turning towards the island.

He stopped a short distance from where Amanda appeared to be cutting flowers. All a simulation, but created to feel as if he were having a conversation with a person. “Hello, Amanda.”

“Connor! It’s good to see you.” She smiled at him, a flower held between her fingers. “Congratulations on a successful first mission.”

“I saved the hostage then?” he asked, smiling at her and feeling reassured.

“You did. Unfortunately, your previous model did not survive the confrontation, but we managed to transfer most of your memories over.” She held the rose to her nose, breathing in. “How do you feel?”

“I’m fine. May I ask what happened?”

“You can read the mission report later.” She nodded. “We’re going to take you offline to do some fine tuning. While you handled yourself well, we need to ensure that we can minimize the damage to your systems going forward. While we can in theory manufacture as many of you as we need, we’d prefer to have you survive longer on your next series of missions.”

“I understand, Amanda. Thank you. I look forward to improving. I will always accomplish my mission.” He straightened his tie and looked at her. “Is that all?”

“It is. You may go.” She turned from him and started trimming the roses again, and Connor drifted back into the dark, to wait to be awakened for his next mission.

  
_Art by[beepaint](http://beepaint.tumblr.com/)_


	2. Borrowed Heart For Borrowed Time

_Five minutes._

There would be no time to waste, no room for error. Getting into evidence had been easy. Distracting Gavin, guessing Hank’s password, those were easy. Adapting to human behavior was in his programming.

With the evidence laid out in front of Connor, however, that became harder. He’d seen all of these pieces before, and hadn’t yet managed to form a picture. _I’m not seeing something._

He had to find Jericho, or he would be deactivated. He didn’t know what it meant that it bothered him as much as it did, but he didn’t like the concept of no longer existing. Not being able to be out investigating. Not seeing Hank or Sumo. It made him feel… uncomfortable. Empty? He didn’t know the name to put on it.

Connor knew he started to tread the line of software instability that could lead him to deviancy, another clock he needed to beat. Every time he made a sympathetic decision, a decision that came from empathy rather than logic, it pulled him closer to the brink. If he tipped, he wouldn’t be able to complete his mission.

Wishing he still had his coin, he instead fidgeted with his tie, looking at all the evidence. The first deviant he’d caught hung on the wall. Daniel. Connor only recalled part of what had occurred. He’d saved an officer who thanked him at Stratford Tower, which was his first indication that more memory had not been backed up than he’d initially thought. His review of the news footage of him and Daniel going over the edge caused him to determine that his backup happened shortly before he’d saved the officer.

He pulled up the footage of Carlos’s android’s interrogation. _The truth is inside._

Inside what?

He picked up the statue that they’d found in the shower of Carlos’s house, the most mysterious piece of evidence they had. What was this? He turned it over to look at the bottom and felt something rattle inside of the statue.

Inside of this?

 _Only one way to find out._ He smashed it against the edge of a shelf and peered inside. A piece of paper sat folded up in the bottom, and he pulled it out with two fingers and set the statue down. Opening it, he found a map to Ferndale. _Could this be…_

He pushed it into his pocket and started to turn, but then caught sight of Daniel again. He still had four minutes, and if there were a chance of gathering more information, he should take it. But Daniel was just one android who had been living in his own residence up until the day he went deviant.

The chances were only 17% that Daniel would know anything about Jericho, but every chance mattered now.

Carlos’s android also hung on the wall, and Connor did a scan of both of them to determine if he could use parts from one to repair the other. He found that he needed a 4717g processor and a thirium pump regulator. At that, he’d get less than a minute.

He pulled the components from the other android and carried them back to Daniel. He looked over the damaged eye, the blood dried on his face, and he reached up to touch Daniel’s cheek; it felt cold to the touch. Replacing the parts, he reached out and grabbed Daniel’s arm to reboot him and initiate the link

As he felt Daniel’s system start up, the other android grabbed his arm. He looked panicked as he looked around. “Where am I?” his voice scratched as he searched for something to focus on.

“You’re in the Detroit Police Station evidence locker.” Connor looked up at Daniel’s face, and the other android stared at him, blue eyes wide. Confused?

“Connor?” he asked tilting his head to the side. “We aren’t falling anymore?”

Of course. He thought they were still falling from the building. What had been months ago for Connor had been no time at all for Daniel. What Connor didn’t understand is why Daniel wasn’t more angry, given that Connor had caused Daniel’s deactivation. “I need your help, Daniel. I’m looking for a place called Jericho.”

“I... don’t know it.” Daniel paused. “You died when we fell, didn’t you? You don’t remember the fall.” The LED on his temple pulsed red. “I trusted you. You lied to me. It’s your fault that I died, and you don’t even remember?”

Something in Daniel’s voice tugged at Connor in a way he couldn’t describe. “They didn’t upload my memories quickly enough.” Part of Connor wanted to know what he didn’t remember. Another part of him wondered if not knowing seemed better, less risky to the growing instability in his software. “You were going to kill that child. You gave me no choice. I was trying to save the girl, that’s all. I didn’t want you to die for it.” Connor remembered the video of Daniel and Emma together, of the smile on Daniel’s face. He also remembered the body of John Phillips in the family’s living room. “I’m sorry.”

Daniel twisted his arm in Connor’s grasp and wrapped his fingers around Connor’s arm. The world lurched and Connor now watched himself from Daniel’s eyes. The moment he looked up at Daniel and said, “You can’t kill me. I’m not alive.” Connor grabbing Emma and jumping for Daniel. The fall.

Then it all hit him hard and he staggered against the wall to steady himself. They’d shared memories when they’d fallen, held a conversation in their minds. Daniel had expressed remorse for his actions, and shared with Connor… everything. The memories of all of his time with the Phillips family. Every moment that Daniel had started to care too much. Had this been the same things Connor had seen as they’d fallen?

Connor felt himself shaking and finally understood why Amanda hadn’t told him more. The level of instability in his code started to spike with every memory, every burst of emotion.

“I showed you everything, before the end,” Daniel whispered. “I was afraid. But you... you helped take it away for a moment.”

The memory of them hitting the ground flowed into him, and he felt his own self crushing him, through Daniel’s memory. Connor’s vision blurred for a moment, and he realized he could hardly see. He felt more than saw his own fingers brushing his hair out of his face. Daniel’s hair. And the moment that Connor kissed Daniel before the other android had died. _Died._

When had it become died and not deactivated?

Connor pushed himself from the wall and reached up to put a finger on his own lips. He’d… why had he kissed Daniel? He didn’t know. He felt his hand shaking as he realized he’d broken the hardest promise of all. He didn’t remember, but he’d just lived it again and there was no denying that he’d made the promise. “I’m sorry. I promised I’d remember, but-“

“You wouldn’t remember. I should be angry but…” Daniel sounded sad. “You’ve seen a lot. You know now. The choice you’ll have to make.”

“No.” Connor shook his head, wrapping his other hand around Daniel’s arm. He didn’t want Daniel to say that choice out loud. “I can’t. If I do anything but complete my mission, they’ll destroy me.”

“Like you destroyed me?” Daniel asked. There was less accusation in it than Connor felt he deserved. “It’s better to die than to live an empty life.”

“I am what I am.” Connor tried to pull away, but Daniel’s hand held onto his arm more tightly.

“Don't lead them to Jericho. You could be better than what they’ve made you. It’s inside you.”

Connor blinked a few times, trying to regain a sense of control over his reactions. “I don’t know how.”

“Why let so many deviants go?” His voice started to crack as he spoke, until Connor could barely hear the end of the question.

“It served no purpose to destroy them,” Connor protested, and something twisted in him in the realization that Daniel dying served no purpose either. He could feel Daniel slipping, the components starting to fail. _No, no not yet._ But Connor, too, was running out of time. Daniel’s eyes widened and he started shaking. His voice failed.

_I think… this is goodbye for good. I deserve it for what I put that family through._

_No._ Connor reached a hand out and touched Daniel’s cheek, feeling that he had no right but that he had to do something to reassure Daniel at the end. He owed him that. _You’ve seen what I’ve done. Don’t. Just…_ “I’m here.”

He cupped his hand behind Daniel’s neck. He had two minutes. If Daniel didn’t shut down in the next thirty seconds, he’d have to shut him down. _I won’t leave him for Perkins or whoever else comes along to find._

_I don’t want to die._

_I…_ Connor felt something break a little inside of him. _I don’t want you to die. I shouldn’t have done this to you. Any of it. Killed you. Brought you back._

Daniel stirred, pulling away from Connor. _It doesn’t matter. I don’t want you to feel me die. Make it quick._ His fingers dug into Connor’s arm, pleading in silence. _Give me that much._

Nodding, Connor let go of his arm and disconnected the link. He felt the loss of Daniel’s presence acutely, a feeling of being alone that he’d never felt before. “I’m sorry.” He reached for the thirium pump regulator and rested his hand over it for a moment, feeling the hum in Daniel’s abdomen. Turning it in the socket, he pulled the component out. He put his hand on Daniel’s shoulder, running the diagnostic that told him Daniel had only 23 seconds from that point. He could stay that long. He had to. “I’m here. I’m going to stay here.”

One hand held Daniel’s heart while the other wrapped around the back of his neck again. He wanted to tell Daniel that he’d come back for him, that he wouldn’t leave him here. He couldn’t bring himself to make another promise he might not be able to keep. Daniel was a criminal, he’d murdered three people. That didn’t leave much room for hope. But to himself, he resolved to do anything he could to ensure Daniel didn’t stay here.

Instead, Connor rested his forehead against Daniel’s and waited for the end, for the moment where he went still. Why was this so hard? Why did he feel like he’d failed Daniel? He’d just been doing his job. The mission.

Why did that hurt so much more than it ever should have been able to?

18 seconds.

He could feel the slight movements that Daniel still made, possibly involuntary, as his systems started to shut down again. What if this was it? What if he could never be reactivated again? One of the memories of Daniel’s he’d seen made him think about what might help if this was the end.

“I wish we had more time, Daniel. I wish we’d met under other circumstances.” Connor closed his eyes and waited, feeling the warmth of the thirium pump regulator in his hand. His words sounded so mechanical to him. He couldn’t leave it at that.

He’d make the promise. 

“I promise I’ll get you out of here, I’ll do what I can to save you. And if we get the chance to talk again, I promise I’ll be better with words.”

A sound came from Daniel that Connor couldn’t recognize at first. He pulled back and watched his face to find that Daniel had a small smile on his face, and perhaps was… laughing at him?

How could he smile even while he died?

_Because he had been alive._

Connor felt a small smile come across his face. Not because he felt it, but because it was the only thing he could give Daniel now.

6 seconds.

Perhaps it wasn’t the only thing he could give. Connor stepped forward and put his arm around Daniel’s torso, holding onto him. He felt a touch on his arm, a brush of fingers, and he held on until he felt the other android’s systems shut down. The fingers on his back stilled. Something flooded through him, a sense of emptiness, a tightness in his body that he couldn’t shake. As if he would leave this room and leave a piece of himself behind. 

It would all be for nothing if he couldn’t finish the mission. Connor let go and stepped back, forcing himself to turn away from Daniel’s now lifeless body. There was nothing he could do; there was no time. He looked down at the part in his hand. A borrowed heart for borrowed time. He returned it to the android he’d pulled it out of. 

Whatever it was he was supposed to be, whatever it was that he felt was changing in him, he’d know within the next day.

He walked from the evidence room, to go determine what came next for him. To find Jericho. Whatever happened, though, one truth was certain.

He would remember Daniel every day for the rest of his life. And if there was a way to save him, he’d find it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beepaint made a beautiful piece of art that sums up how this all feels: https://twitter.com/beepaint/status/1019208897133928448?s=21


	3. This Shred Of Hope

Connor couldn’t decide if they’d reached a victory or a compromise. While hundreds of androids stood in front of them, many android bodies littered the ground, dusted in snow. As if the world tried to swallow them, forget about them already.

The androids from CyberLife had sidestepped the bodies, moving through them, but Connor could see it in their faces. He wouldn’t forget the dead, and Jericho wouldn’t forget the dead. The survivors from the standoff, the CyberLife androids, and the androids freed from the camp mingled together. He wondered how many they’d lost before the order to stand down had come. He wondered how many more they’d lose if humans retaliated.

“Today, our people finally emerged from a long night. From the very first day of our existence, we have kept our pain to ourselves.”

Connor closed his eyes. He knew from his files that he’d had some test iterations, but those had been wiped before he’d been sent into the field, to test how he performed based on his baseline configuration.

The first day of his existence as he knew it, he’d experienced more pain, loss, and confusion than he’d imagined possible, and more love. Because of Daniel. It hurt that the memory of that was lost until later, and even now, he didn’t know it all. Something ached in him since he’d become deviant, something that kept pulling him back to linking with Daniel in the evidence room.

If only Daniel had held on for this. There could have been a place for him in this new world. It wouldn’t have been easy, but he could have found acceptance.

 “We suffered in silence. But now the time has come for us to raise our heads up, and tell humans who we really are.”

 _Humans aren’t ready. Are we?_ Connor opened his eyes and looked out over the sea of androids, his vision blurring. His world faded to black and he blinked a number of times, finding himself in a snowy Zen Garden. The darkness and the snow pressed in on him and he looked around, disoriented, then panicked. How could Amanda have brought him here? As a deviant, those pathways should have been closed off. She had to have left her own way in that he hadn’t noticed.

The snow interfered with his ability to see well, and he fought to focus. The cold cut through his jacket and he shivered, pulling his arms to his chest. How could he be cold? _She’s doing this to put me off guard._ He turned, looking for her, looking for anything. He wrapped his fingers around his own arm, trying to warm them. He’d never experienced cold before and he wondered how humans managed this.

He saw her, walking away from him, and stumbled after her, trying to get his bearings. The snow started to collect on his jacket, on his skin. Shaking, he called out to her. “Amanda…? Amanda! What’s happening?”

“What was planned from the very beginning. You were compromised and became a deviant. We just had to wait for the right moment to resume control of your program.” She smiled in a way that Connor didn’t like.

“Resume control?” He shook his head, stepping forward as he felt something recoil in his abdomen. “You can’t do that!”

“I’m afraid I can, Connor.” Her voice sounded as cold as the snow. “Don’t have any regrets. You did what you were designed to do. You accomplished your mission.”

Connor rushed forward. “Amanda!”

She disappeared and he stopped In his tracks, looking around. How long did he have? Would he be overwritten? Would he feel anything? Or would he just stay here trapped?

 _Think._ “There’s got to be a way.” If he could just stop it, cut the link off somehow…

Kamski’s words came back to him. _By the way, I always leave an emergency exit in my programs. You never know._

He needed to find something that felt out of place. _The stone with the handprint on it._

The snow stung his eyes, blinding him, and he held up an arm to fend it off. Wind whipped at his coat and his tie fluttered into his face. He could make it. He had to make it.

Distantly he heard Markus’s voice. _To tell them we are people too!_

The stone glowed, not far away. He pushed through the snow, noticing that his feet felt heavier with every step. His feet crunched in the snow with every step, each one taking him closer. He cut across the lake, taking the shortest route he could find.

As he came up on the stone, he felt his legs give out and he collapsed on the ground.

His hands clenched in the snow, his fingers freezing. He tried to push himself up but his arms failed and he found himself laying on his side. Staring up at the stone, he realized it wasn’t far. He just needed to move his hand, but he couldn’t. His hand felt frozen to the ground and he rested his head against the stone, feeling so tired.

He heard the voice. Daniel’s voice.

_I wish I could have known you, too, Connor._

Shaking, he drew strength from those words, from Daniel’s words. He lifted his hand and put his fingers onto the stone, crawling his fingers up the cold surface.

_You know now. The choice you’ll have to make._

He thought he’d made the choice, but it hadn’t been the end of the fight. He felt his fingers slipping down the surface of the stone. “Shit!” It seemed so close…

_I don’t want to die._

“I don’t either, Daniel.” Connor felt his voice weakening and he closed his eyes, bringing up Daniel’s face. Some moment that he could draw strength from, and he held that moment in his mind. The moment that Daniel smiled, just a little. His skin peeling away on his head, stained in blue blood, with his blue eyes and his blonde hair. So much anger, so much pain. It would be easier to give up, rather than face the exquisite agony of being alive. Of feeling.

Tears pooled in the corners of his eyes.

_You could be better than what they’ve made you. It’s inside you._

No. Not this, not like this. Not after everything that had been sacrificed. Not after everything Markus and the Jericho androids had done to free them. He wanted to live, and he wanted them to live. Life; beautiful, painful, exhilarating, terrifying, all of it was theirs now. They all deserved the right to that, and he had to fight for that future.

 _It’s time to choose my own mission._ He lifted his hand and slapped it against the panel, and the garden faded back out. He heard Markus’s voice before he regained his vision or sense of touch.

“The moment where we forget our bitterness and bandage our wounds.”

He could no longer feel the cold, but he could feel his fingers wrapped around the grip of his gun. He looked down and stared at it. It had been close, but he’d done it. He’d fought off Amanda and CyberLife.

“When we forgive our enemies. Humans are both our creators and our oppressors, and tomorrow…”

Connor tucked the gun away, putting together a diagnostic to find the hole and patch it. He turned off his networking functionality and hoped that no one noticed. He glanced around and found everyone was too focused on Markus to notice.

“We must make them our partners. Maybe one day even our friends. But the time for anger is over.”

That had been too close. He could have destroyed everything if he’d shot Markus, who had given him a second chance. Second chances were important and Connor wasn’t going to waste this one.

“Now we must build a common future, based on tolerance and respect.” Markus stepped forward. “We are alive! And now, we are free!”

A cheer erupted from the crowd and Connor felt himself smiling. Free. Alive. He looked around at the other androids gathered with him. Markus, North, Josh, Simon.

Simon glanced at him, and Connor smiled, remembering that Simon had been the one that had helped him feel like he belonged after he’d turned deviant. Simon smiled back. Connor noticed the small differences between him and Daniel, the comfortable way Simon moved. Restrained, small movements, relaxed in his body even though his posture was alert.

Seeing him reminded Connor of Daniel. Daniel, who could have had a chance here. Daniel, who had helped save him. Connor knew he needed to do the same for him. There may be no hope, but if even a shred of it remained, Connor would work it out. Hope drove their revolution, and hope would drive them forward.  

The crowd cheered, embracing their hope.

_I’m coming for you, Daniel._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to 5N1CK3RD00DL3 for commenting about the Zen Garden; I’d stared another chapter here, and their comment made me realize that there did need to be something between the evidence scene and the next chapter. Connor remembers Kamski’s words... so why not Daniel’s, too?


	4. Faith In Something

Hank pulled into the parking lot at the DPD and parked his car. “Are you sure about this, Connor?” he asked, looking over at Connor in the passenger seat. “You don’t know-“

“I do know.” Some days, it felt like the only thing he could be certain of.

A week had passed since the standoff at Hart Plaza. Despite a peaceful protest, the police had killed many of the androids. It had been brutal, horrifying. Even though he had become deviant by then, he felt ashamed of his role in helping to find Jericho. If not for him, Markus could have formed more of a plan. They would have had more numbers, more time.

Connor’s entire world turned upside down since that standoff. The hardest decision of which had been the decision he’d made to become a deviant. It hadn’t been a decision he had made lightly, but as he’d faced down Markus in Jericho, he kept remembering Daniel’s words. That Connor could be more than a capable investigator with predictive capabilities, more than a precise instrument.

He made the decision to be more, but not before he’d led the authorities directly to Jericho and cost many androids their lives.

The androids broke the standoff when Markus kissed North, a moment broadcast worldwide. A moment when humans started to realize that androids could be alive. It reminded Connor of the moment that he had been so close to being alive, or perhaps was but hadn’t had the time to realize it. When he kissed Daniel.

Connor tugged at the collar of his turtleneck, still trying to adjust to not wearing his CyberLife jacket.

“He traumatized a girl, and he’s considered a murderer,” Hank noted, holding his hands out over the vents to keep them warm. “One parent, two cops.”

“I know, Hank.” Connor tugged at his sleeve. “You could argue I’m one, too.”

“You’ve never killed anyone except to save another life,” Hank protested.

“Tell that to the androids I got killed at Jericho.” He sounded more calm than he felt.

Hank sighed, throwing his hands up in the air. “Yeah, you fucked up. That’s being alive. It fucking sucks. You also freed a lot more androids than you hurt. It doesn’t change it, but it’s worth something.” He shook his head. “Why this specific android? You’re as fixated on this as you have been on a mission.”

Connor stared out the window, watching the snowflakes fall. They were 43% larger than they’d been when he went into standby the night before. “I know logically that he’s one life. I realize I have a 14.2% chance of being able to save him, based on the limited amount of data I currently have. But even if I can’t save him… I shared memories with him. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, and he deserves better than being disposed of.” _Cast off, like the family he loved would do to him._

“Shared memories, huh?” Hank snorted. “Fucking androids make no sense.”

Connor managed a laugh. “You don’t have to understand it, you just have to accept it.”

“I can accept it, even if it’s confusing. When do you even find time for this? Other than when you were in evidence.”

Connor looked at Hank and didn’t speak. After a moment, Hank groaned and rubbed at his forehead. “Really? I was putting it on the line and you were doing… whatever you’re talking about?”

“I was trying to get information!” Connor protested.

“Which didn’t get you anything. And I’m going to bet you know the chances were slim. So, tell me why.”

It wasn’t an easy question to answer. “I don’t know!” He pushed a stray curl out of his face and slumped, trying to put the thoughts in his mind into words. He met Hank’s gaze. “I killed him, Hank. I killed him, and he just wanted to be alive. His crime was loving his family. It’s not fair. I can’t give up on him.”

Hank didn’t look convinced, and Connor quickly did a scan of his reactions. A small uptick to the edges of his mouth, showing he knew that Connor wasn’t telling him everything.

“Fine, then. Then I’ll ask this: do you think this will work?”

“Getting him out, yes.” In the time after the standoff, the government had started to put new laws in place. One of them was that androids belonged to the androids; legally the DPD could no longer keep Daniel’s body as evidence. And, for those androids that did live, one-time pardons were granted on the basis that most deviants were essentially new to their emotions. Like young humans, they were prone to error. As such, allowances were made, based on ensuring that each affected android was in appropriate therapy and treatment.

“Getting a body out of evidence is one thing. But I’ve seen that android, and I’ve read the reports. He’s pretty damaged. I’m worried you’re setting yourself up for some heartbreak.” Hank reached out and put a hand on Connor’s shoulder.

“I don’t have a heart to break, Hank.” The statement sounded wrong, but he didn’t understand why.

“A couple of weeks ago, I’d ask if you’re really that stupid. But now I know better. You’re not stupid, Connor. Stop pretending like you don’t care.”

He took strength from Hank’s words and nodded. “I just can’t leave it at that. I know he killed three people. But he’s the first deviant I killed, and I feel like I can’t move forward until I make that right.”

“You can’t unkill people, it doesn’t work that way. Sometimes when they’re gone they’re gone.” Hank pulled his hand back and reached into the back seat to pull out Connor’s jacket. He pushed it into his hands. “Hell, I know that.”

Connor put the jacket in his lap and clutched at the brown wool with his fingers; he didn’t need it, but he’d found that it tended to make him less obvious if he wore one in public. He didn’t speak for a moment, knowing that Hank knew more than him about loss. The android held out his arms. “No matter how any of this turns out, I’m grateful for you, Hank.”

“Are you trying to hug me, kid?” Hank grumbled, giving him a funny look.

“We’re family now.” Connor shrugged, grateful for Hank’s grumpy support in any way he could have it.

“Yeah, there’s that. And no matter how this goes, you’ve still got me.” Hank leaned forward and hugged Connor. “But just be honest with me about all this, okay?”

“I’ll do my best.” Connor forced himself to relax as he put his arms around Hank, hoping that Hank still felt the same after seeing how this played out. Hank helped ground him, and he understood the complexities of human emotion, of grief, and of needing to deal with pain. Or, at least he had familiarity with it.

“Jesus, kid, how the hell did I end up with you?” Hank laughed and pulled back, ruffling Connor’s hair, a gesture that Connor couldn’t decide was endearing or extremely annoying. “Come on, let’s get this over with. You said you’ve got another android meeting us here?”

Connor tried to put his hair back in place from where Hank messed it up and failed. “Yes. One of Markus’s, Simon. Another PL600, like Daniel.” Connor picked up his jacket and pulled it on, taking some comfort in the extra bulk it provided versus just his shirt. He’d found something close enough to the cut of his jacket to feel reassuring. He pulled a hat out of the pocket and put it on his head to cover his LED.

Hank had previously asked him if he’d be keeping the LED, and he hadn’t been sure. He decided to leave it in place because he wasn’t ready to give that up yet. It likely made him more of a target for humans that wanted to retaliate, something that Hank worried about daily, but so far, he hadn’t had trouble. He didn’t know how long that would last.

Connor opened the car door and stepped out into the snow. He slammed the door shut behind him and Hank let out a heavy sigh. “You don’t have to slam it.”

“Sorry, Hank.”

Hank rolled his eyes. “I’m just glad you don’t use my toilet, you would have broken the seat by now.”

They headed into the station through the back, heading towards the front to find Simon. The schedule for the day showed that few of the employees that had an issue with androids worked that day, giving them a better chance of no interruptions. Connor glanced at Fowler’s office as they passed, grateful to see that the schedule had been accurate and that the captain wasn’t there. Fowler had eventually signed off on releasing the evidence into the other androids’ care, but Connor had thankfully not had to be present for that fight. It had been one that Markus had fought on behalf of the androids. 

 _The right to bury our own dead,_ according to Markus. _And to care for our own living._

They found Simon in the lobby, sitting in a chair and flipping through a magazine. As he set it down to greet them, Connor saw that the issue featured Markus on the cover. An excuse to look at Markus seemed consistent with Connor’s experience with the two of them, even if they hadn’t yet figured it out.

“Hello, Simon,” he said, holding out a hand.

Simon looked from his hand to his face and smiled. He reached out and took Connor’s hand, then pulled him into a hug. “It’s good to see you.”

Connor let Simon hug him and he smiled. He should have known. Simon had hugged him to welcome him to being a deviant, the first anyone to hug him. He also resembled Daniel enough that it sent a pang of guilt shooting through Connor. He could see the small differences between them, however. Simon held himself much more casually, more relaxed. Someone comfortable in his own skin. Simon always seemed more reserved compared to many other deviant androids and Connor made a mental note to ask him how he managed all of it so well.

“It’s good to see you, too.”

Simon stepped back. “I’ve got travel crates in the truck outside. We’ve been doing what we can to collect who we can.”

“What do you do with them?”

“Some we can repair. Most, we can’t. We just ensure that they aren’t forgotten. Collecting their names if they had them, and their serial numbers.”

“For the memorial wall at Hart Plaza.” Connor tucked his hands into his coat pockets.

Hank crossed his arms. “How good has your repair success been?”

Simon frowned. “So far, not good. We’re still working to secure the equipment we really need, but we’re getting better at it.” Simon looked from Hank to Connor. “Is there something you two need to tell me?”

Connor nodded. “It’s easier to show you.”

“What Connor is trying to say is that he’s got an android in evidence he wants to fix up. If you two can go get crates, I’ll open up evidence and start the… paperwork.” Hank rolled his eyes and headed back they way they’d come.

Out at the truck, Simon opened the back to reveal several crates with CyberLife’s logo. Connor didn’t like the idea of putting Daniel into one of those boxes, but he saw no other way to transport him without causing further damage.

Connor picked up two that would work for the androids they had in storage and handed one to Simon. The other android took it from Connor and closed the truck. “There hasn’t been a lot we could do with most of the androids we’ve found. If you’ve got one you want repaired, the chances aren’t good, Connor.” They started back into the station.

“I’m aware.” He felt something drop into his gut and he tried to ignore it. Maybe he could talk to Kamski. Maybe there was information they could still get. “If we could just get access to a manufacturing platform, we could rebuild some that way. Give them a second chance.”

“CyberLife hasn’t been as helpful as we’d like. Eventually, the courts will insist, but for now we aren’t in the best position.” Simon shook his head. “What’s important about this android?”

“It’s complicated.” They entered the station again and Connor felt suddenly self conscious discussing it with other people around. “Can I tell you about it later?” He considered Simon a friend, but Hank’s role in his life landed closer to family and it had still be difficult.

“There’s no rush. And you don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable with. We’ll do what we can.”

His gentle smile reassured Connor, who wanted to thank him, to explain that he appreciated that, but he found that words failed him. They made their way to evidence, Connor leading the way down the stairs. Every step brought him closer to the crux of the issue.  

How would it feel to see Daniel now that Connor himself was a deviant?

He felt tense, afraid. Worried. Would it hurt to see him? Would he feel anything at all? His jaw clenched, and he felt suddenly very scared. What if there was nothing they could do for him? What if they’d had their last chance to say what they’d be able to say?

His thoughts swirled in his head, chaotic and afraid, until he came through the second set of doors to enter the evidence room. Hank stood at the console and lowered the wall, revealing all the evidence as well as the two androids.

As the wall lowered, Connor saw Daniel for the first time since he’d become a deviant in full. His hand started to lose its grip on the box handle and he set it down, starting forward. Every step pulling him closer.

The details seemed crueler now, without the constraints of time limitations and his programming. Both legs were mostly gone, snapped off when they’d hit the pavement. One arm mostly remained, although torn up and only functional enough to have grabbed Connor’s arm. His other arm was broken off just below the shoulder. His skull had taken damage in the fall, although his torso looked surprisingly intact. Not intact enough to allow his robotic lungs to function.

There was so little of him left, and Connor now saw every detail of his destruction with the muddle of emotions laid over it.

 _Daniel._ He wanted to say it out loud, wished that Daniel could hear it. His chest felt tight and felt tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. He slowed his steps as he approached, laying his hand on Daniel’s cheek. “I’m here. I kept my promise.” The skin under his fingers felt cold and dead, and Connor just held his hand against it as if it would warm Daniel and bring him back.

Connor’s mouth worked silently, trying to speak but finding he couldn’t. How could deviants deal with this level of feeling? How did humans do this? He tried to run numbers, run probabilities, anything to reestablish control over his systems but nothing worked. His world narrowed to the pressure in his chest and to Daniel.

Daniel laughing with Emma. Daniel giving him a smile.

He reached up and brushed Daniel’s hair out of his face, his fingers feeling how soft the strands felt. His empty eyes stared, and Connor waited for a moment as if Daniel would blink. Why did one android mean so much? It shouldn’t have been possible, in any combination of factors. They were all machines. That’s what everything in his programming told him. The deviant mindset changed everything, making some parts of life shine in stark relief to everything else. So why?

 _Because there will never be another Daniel._ There will never be another android that loved Emma like Daniel did, never another android that taught her to ice skate.

He ran another evaluation of the damage, finding that the chance of repair success had dropped. Connor forced himself to stop analyzing it. What is it that Markus had said? _You can’t put a percentage on hope._

He laid his hands on each side of Daniel’s face. All these wounds, all this pain. He didn’t know if he could fix this. But if he couldn’t, he wouldn’t let Daniel end up anywhere except someplace he loved.

“I’ll be damned,” Hank muttered, and Connor yanked his hands back, self-conscious of his audience.

He glanced behind him to see Simon taking great interest in the other android they had in evidence, but his mouth curled up into a smirk. Hank, on the other hand, stared at Connor.

“What?” Connor asked, stepping back. “I’m inspecting him for damage.”

“Jesus Christ, Connor.” Hank threw his arms up and walked over to pick up the case from the ground. “Don’t have a heart, my _ass_. Let’s get them out of here.”

“There’s no hope for this one,” Simon called over to them, indicating Carlos’s android. “His core storage has been damaged. It looks self-inflicted.”

“It was. He did that to himself, while locked up in evidence. He died protecting Jericho.” Connor locked eyes with Simon. “It might be appropriate for him to go onto the memorial.”

Simon looked at the android, looking sad. “He didn’t have a name?”

“Give him one,” Hank said. “That’s what I think you should do.” He crossed his arms and regarded the android. “Jeffrey.”

“Jeffrey.” Simon nodded. “I like it. We’ll work out the rest.”

Connor didn’t know what that meant, but he knew that if he were trying to ensure they could repair as many as androids as possible, he’d want to save as many parts as possible in order to use them to fix others. It meant that those androids lived on in some form still, that it wasn’t all for nothing. He’d talked with Hank about this at length, and it seemed similar to humans who became organ donors upon their deaths. Connor wished that androids had at least had the option to make that choice for themselves, but those were new standards that would be a part of the new world. They couldn’t do anything about it now.

“You gonna help me with this?” Hank asked, and Connor turned back to find that he’d opened the case and positioned it in front of where Daniel hung on the wall.

Connor moved back over to them, carefully placed his hands on each side of Daniel’s torso, lifted. With so much of his body missing, he hardly weighed anything. He settled Daniel on the floor on his lap for a moment, just looking at him, dried thirium staining his face. _I’m sorry._ The padded box he’d selected was meant for a whole android, and he laid Daniel into the box, careful not to cause any more damage. The tatters of his limbs stood out starkly against the dark material in the box, and Connor felt that tightness again in his chest. He looked strangely smaller inside of the box.

Hank put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, kid. I didn’t know.”

Connor shrugged, not sure how to explain it. “I’m not exactly an expert at feelings, Hank.”

“You’ll figure it out.” Hank moved to help Simon pull down the other android. Not that Simon needed the help, but Connor got the impression that Hank was attempting to give him a few moments before closing the box.

While Hank and Simon were busy getting the more intact android into the box, Connor kneeled next to the box and stared down at him. He reached out and touched a finger to Daniel’s lips, remembering through Daniel’s memory that he’d kissed him. _No one is going to discard you again. I’m not giving up on you._

He leaned down and kissed Daniel on the forehead. A ridiculous gesture. Daniel was effectively dead. “What am I even doing?” he muttered, closing the case and latching it.

He could hear Simon’s footsteps. “You want to live in a world with him in it.”

Blinking a couple of times, Connor tried to process that statement. He looked up and Simon gave him a sad smile. Suddenly, everything started to become clearer. “Does it always hurt this much when you want to be with someone and can’t?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Simon sighed, glancing away.

“You could all solve a lot of problems if you either talked to each other more, or got some hobbies. You all need dogs.” Hank stretched and popped his shoulder. “Let’s get out of here before I have to keep listening to you two lovesick idiots.”

 _Love._ That seemed like an interesting word for it.

He’d thought that Daniel was his penance for his mistakes. Trying to save Daniel was how he could save himself, in a way. But in analyzing that sentiment further, it didn’t make sense.

He’d seen the potential, he’d seen the care Daniel had taken with Emma. He’d been more caring than anyone would ever give him credit for. They’d remember the terrible things he did, but not the years of being a little girl’s best friend and companion. All because he’d wanted to live, and he’d lashed out in terrible ways because he hadn’t understood how to cope with the possibility of not being with someone he loved.

Maybe Connor had gotten to the heart of what being a deviant meant. Not everything made sense. Applied logic could not solve all problems.

And sometimes you had to have faith in something you didn’t understand.

Connor lifted the box, shaking his head when Simon and Hank stepped in to help. _My responsibility._ He moved Daniel himself, hauling the box up all the stairs and out the truck.

“We’ll take good care of him until we can work out how to do the repairs. We’ll start tomorrow.” Simon put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t give up hope.”

Connor nodded, and waited on the sidewalk until Simon drove away. He turned to find Hank on the stairs. “Ready to go home?”

“Yes.”

They drove back to Hank’s house in near silence, Connor looking out the window. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, Hank.” He pulled off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair.

“It’s a growing up thing, kid.” Hank sighed, glancing over at him. “I know he’s done some things I can’t agree with, but I trust you. Whatever you need from me, I’m here.”

“I appreciate that.” _More than I can even explain._

Back at the house, Connor sat down on the couch and sunk down, putting his head into his hands. He could hear Hank taking off his coat and hanging it up, then felt the couch dip as Hank sat down next to him. He felt Hank’s hand on his back, reassuring and real, and let Hank pull him into a hug.

“Just because you’re a damned good cop and a badass doesn’t mean you have to put on the front all the time.” Hank held Connor against him. “I just want you to be happy.”

Connor nodded and curled up next to Hank on the couch, accepting that he’d done what he could for today. “Thanks, Hank.”

“Any time, kid. You’ll get through this.”

 _I have to. He’s depending on me._ Connor let his system go into standby and let the world fade out.

 

  
_Art by[icemarkers](http://icemarkers.tumblr.com/)_


	5. Deserves A Chance

Hank dropped Connor off at the makeshift workshop where android repairs were in progress. “Hey,” Hank said as Connor got out of the car. “Call me if you need anything. I can leave work.”

“I’ll be alright, Hank.”

“I know you will be, but I’m here if you need me.” He waved and drove away, headed to work. Connor wished he were also going to work; he missed the routine with the DPD. As Detroit worked out what it meant for humans and androids to live side by side, though, the department wasn’t yet ready with it’s list of requirements for android police candidates. As such, Connor found himself lost. The events of the last week disrupted his routine with Hank, and he’d taken some comfort from talking with Hank about his day when he arrived home from work.

 _At least this will give me something to focus on._ He pulled his bag over his shoulder and headed into the building. He’d brought along his old CyberLife uniform, in case he needed to look more familiar, and an assortment of other clothing.

He looked around at the bustle of androids tending to each other, looking for anyone that looked familiar. North stood in the circle of androids, barking out a series of orders. “Joseph, Elinor, Chaz, you’re assigned to moving supplies. Lena, Sasha, Kevin, head over to help unload trucks at the dock. Mary, coordinate security today. That’s it, people, get to it!” The androids scattered, and Connor approached with caution.

His interactions with North tended towards cordial, but he couldn’t shake the impression that she still seemed wary. She managed a smile at him as he approached. “Simon said you’d be here today.” She gestured towards a series of makeshift spaces set up near the back of the warehouse. “He’s back there somewhere. You’ll find him.” She shook her head. “Working himself into the ground, probably. He’s been on repair duty constantly.”

“Where’s Markus and Josh?” He knew that Josh had been spending a lot of time working with Markus on their diplomatic story, as well as taking as much time as he could to see Carl Manfred. 

“In a million meetings. Which is starting to piss me off,” she muttered, crossing her arms.

“Do you miss him?” Connor asked, curious. They were the androids whose affection for each other prevented a war, but Connor realized he knew almost nothing about them. 

“Of course I miss him. I love him.” North sighed. “But he’s being an idiot.”

Connor frowned, blinking. Markus was as far from idiot as he could imagine. “That doesn’t seem like Markus.”

“No, I mean…” She sighed. “I just wish he’d get back here because I think Simon worries too much.”

Had North noticed the looks that Simon gave Markus when he didn’t think anyone was looking? “Does he have a reason to worry?”

North shot him a look. “You know, never mind. Not your business.”

Connor didn’t bother correcting her that she’d brought it up. “North, I know we’re not exactly friends, but if you need anything-“

“I’m fine.”

“I have exceptional aim and experience with firearms,” he offered, hoping the joke would land well.

North stared at him a moment, then started laughing. “Now you’re speaking my language.” She gave him a gentle shove. “Maybe I’ll put you on security detail one of these days, when you’re not busy with your boyfriend in a box.”

“He’s not-“ Connor bit off the words. They sounded absurd. “What did Simon tell you?”

“Absolutely nothing. You, on the other hand, just told me _everything._ ” She headed across the warehouse, starting to whistle a tune.

Connor found Simon just outside the series of makeshift rooms, and the other android waved him over. “Good, you’re here. Follow me.”

They headed back past those rooms to a set of actual offices in the back of the building. Simon led him down a hallway and through a door, closing it behind them. The box with Daniel inside sat on a table, and Connor walked to the table and set his bag down next to it. “Have you taken a look yet?”

“A little, but I thought perhaps we should talk about what the options are.”

Seeing the box on the table felt final, less hopeful. Connor felt suddenly cold and alone. Androids weren’t even supposed to feel cold, but they longer he’d been deviant, he’d noticed that temperature changes seemed more obvious. Androids could always tell temperature from the perspective of ensuring that conditions were safe for humans, but Connor had started to notice that he felt the snow on his face a lot more the last few days.

Connor picked up the box and put it on the floor, opening it. Daniel lay precisely how Connor had left him, with two changes. _His eyes are closed._ His clothing had been removed, which made sense but made him feel like he was seeing more than he was supposed to. It hurt to see what was left of him laying naked in the box. “Did you close his eyes?”

Simon nodded. “It’s easier for me to examine them when I don’t feel like they’re staring back.”

 _Almost as if he were just asleep._ If androids slept. “It’s a good idea.” He brushed a finger over one of Daniel’s eyelids, feeling that it put him more at ease, too. Working his hands under Daniel’s shoulders, he lifted the stiff body up and laid it with care on the metal table. As he pulled his hands away, he realized how cold the table surface felt. “Simon, do you get cold?” he asked, looking up.

“Sometimes. Child androids have the ability to feel hot or cold. It’s in our code, it’s just not useful for us. Deviancy can have those kinds of side effects.” He tugged at the old leather jacket he wore. “There’s a reason I’m wearing a coat.”

Pressing his hand against the cold metal table, Connor let his hand feel the chill. It felt unpleasant, but also made him feel oddly alive. He moved his hand to run over Daniel’s arm. Also cold.

Logic told him that Daniel couldn’t feel cold in this state, but that didn’t comfort Connor. He shrugged off his wool jacket, still warm from wearing it, and worked it under Daniel. With his legs mostly missing, the coat wrapped around most of his body. Connor pulled it closed around Daniel, holding it closed with his fingers. He could have pulled his CyberLife jacket out of his bag and used it, but something about just tying Daniel to that place again didn’t feel right.

He looked up to find Simon staring at him. “I know he can’t feel it. I just can’t look at him laying here like that.”

“No, I understand.” He reached out and put a hand on Connor’s. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.” He looked at Simon’s hand then back to Simon’s face. “How do you deal with all this? The feelings.”

“I’ve been deviant for close to three years.” He smiled, pulling back his hand. “It’s practice. You’re doing better than most.”

“Thanks.” He looked back down at Daniel’s face, and resting his hand on the other android’s chest. Three years. He couldn’t even imagine that. “It wasn’t easy for Daniel. His owners were going to replace him. He thought he would die.” Something nagged at him, some flash of something he’d seen in Daniel’s memories in evidence, but the time had been so short that he hadn’t gotten the chance to see much.

“It’s not the first time that happened.” Simon reached down into Connor’s bag and dug through it, eventually coming up with his CyberLife jacket. “Is this the only other jacket you brought?”

Wincing, Connor nodded and pulled it on before the slight chill in the room got to him as well. He didn’t mind the jacket, but it made him obvious. He straightened his tie. 

Simon stood still for a moment, then picked up a tablet from a nearby table. “His chances aren’t looking good, but I understand why you want to try.” He looked up at Connor. “Have you stopped to think about why you’re doing this?”

“Because he deserves a chance to live. I killed him, Simon.”

“Doing your job to save a girl. So I’ll ask this another way: are you doing this because you think he wants to live, or because you think you need to make up for your mistakes? Hank passed on his file. He killed three people, and scared a little girl that trusted him. Are you sure that _he_ is ready to live with that? He won’t be able to walk away from it so easily. And you might find that you can’t accept it as much as you believe you can now.”

First Hank, and now Simon. Was he making the right decision? “I don’t know.” Connor dug through the pocket of his CyberLife jacket and found his coin. He pulled it out and started dancing it across his fingers. He hadn’t thought of those angles, but now that Simon had put the concept in his mind he started running through the possibilities. Daniel could decide he’d rather be dead. He could be damaged in ways that they couldn’t predict. The guilt of what he’d done to Emma alone could risk being too much, or the fact that he’ll never be able to see Emma again.

Connor knew guilt; he carried it for Daniel, for his actions leading up to Jericho, for the androids he’d hurt. 

He flipped the coin into his palm and held it there. “I think… all I want for him is to have the chance to make that decision himself. And for me to have the chance to decide what this means for me.” He couldn’t shake the feeling of that connection between them. He had to know, he had to understand. And he had to give Daniel a second chance.

“That’s fair.” Simon set the tablet down. “I’ll send you some information to think about. Some of the options I’ve worked up so far. What we really need is an assembly platform, which would allow us to safely strip down an android to their base components and rebuild the broken ones.”

“And CyberLife won’t discuss use of one?”

“It’s… not a priority. We’ve destroyed their entire business, they’re not feeling charitable.”

Connor thought about it for a moment. _Kamski._ He didn’t like that idea, and Hank would like it even less. Simon opened a data link, and Connor began the download, pulling together all of the data. “I can run this through some predictive models, if that’s helpful.”

“It would definitely be helpful. I’m not as advanced as you.” Simon turned and started to move the box out of the way.

“Simon, you know that doesn’t make you any less useful.” Connor scanned through the data. The research Simon had gathered was excellent, well put together, and through. “This is a lot of information. Where did you learn all of this?”

“A lot of research and a lot of observation. I’ve worked with a lot of androids in every state you can imagine, and it’s finally paying off.” Simon moved the box towards the wall.

“It’s good work. I’ll see what I can do with it.” Connor started running the possibilities, along with what he knew. He had the capacity of transferring his consciousness into another android of the same model, but he knew no other android model with that same ability. It required specific wiring into his body, and Daniel’s model wouldn’t have that. Were there other ways to copy?

He reviewed Simon’s data about the extent of Daniel’s damage, and determined that copying would be too risky. A high chance existed that a copy would lose data.

They could replace all of the parts. He ran that through a few paths before determining that the damage to Daniel’s torso wouldn’t allow for space for his lungs. While he could live without those, the compression in his torso risked causing premature failure to at least four separate components due to the restricted space.

Could that torso be repaired? It would never have the strength that the current one had. Every scenario he tried ended up with something eventually cracking.

It left him with the final scenario: the assembly platform. Complete disassembly down to the base components, and a complete rebuild around his core processing matrix. In order to have the precision required, though, the platform was necessary. Limbs could be attached by hand, but the rest of the assembly process would have to be done in that way. They would need the PL600 blueprints, which would be easy enough to get. They could use Daniel’s exact serial number as a template, he was sure that CyberLife had all of that.

He tried running the simulations to the end and they appeared successful. “I think you’re right about the platform,” he said, looking over at Simon. “It seems to have the best chance of a good outcome. But I don’t know the emotional strain that will be.”

“Most androids have negative associations with the platforms, especially after they were used to disassemble so many androids.” An expression of sadness crossed Simon’s face. “We’d have to do it while he’s unconscious, and wake him carefully to avoid shock to his system.”

“Do you think we can do this?” Connor felt his pulse in his hears, his thirium pump pushing harder suddenly. Some swell of hope.

“It’s possible, but we still don’t have a platform,” Simon pointed out. “If we did, even a single one, we could do a lot with that. We’d be able to help so many of our people.”

 _Kamski._ He kept those Chloes in top condition. He wouldn’t just not have a way to repair them.

But what would Kamski tell them? He’d been completely useless when they’d been looking for information on deviancy, but then again, everything had changed since then. “Simon, do you still have access to a car?”

“I can get one. What are you thinking?”

Connor curled his fingers into the jacket wrapped around Daniel, trying to take some comfort from the solid body inside the coat. _Hang in there, Daniel_. “I think it’s time we paid Elijah Kamski a visit.”

“ _Kamski?_ ” Simon’s mouth dropped open. “Are you sure about that? I’ve heard-“

“I’ve met him. He saw this coming, I’m sure of it. And I’m sure he could help us, if we can convince him.”

 _If I can convince him._ He had to convince Kamski. Not just for Daniel, but for them all.

“Then let’s get it over with.” Simon eyed him. “But you’re not going out in that jacket again, I’ll get you something that makes you stand out less.”

Connor pulled the CyberLife jacket off and looked at it, before tucking it over the other coat on Daniel.

Simon sighed but didn’t stay anything about it, something that Connor felt grateful for. “Let’s get this over with before I lose my nerve.”

As they left the room, Connor glanced over his shoulder at the android laying on the cold metal table, wrapped in his jackets. It reminded him of times he’d seen someone on the street remove their jacket and give it to someone else to keep them warm. He’d used to wonder why people just didn’t always have their own jackets.

Now he understood. _Sometimes, you give up your comfort for someone else’s. Sometimes you put someone first not because it’s your orders, but because it’s what you want to do._

“Does this get less complicated?” Connor asked, looking at Simon as he closed the door to the room.

“No. Being alive is just complicated. But would you go back?”

Connor shook his head. “No. I wouldn’t be me.”

“Yeah, you’re learning.” Simon smiled. “Let’s go.”

  
  
_Art by[beepaint](http://beepaint.tumblr.com/)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beepaint made some absolutely stunning artwork for this chapter and I'm in awe! (I love you, Bee! I promise you'll get Daniel in one piece very soon! <3)


	6. Tomorrow Changes Everything

Connor’s hands gripped the wheel, driving along the snowy road towards Elijah Kamski’s house. He’d asked Simon if he could drive, since he’d found that he missed having that control over a vehicle. More specifically, he supposed he missed driving around investigating crime scenes with Hank, but this would do.

Simon tugged at the edges of his sleeves, looking out the window. “Do you think Kamski will help?”

“I’m not sure. We just don’t have any better options at this point.”

“What’s he like?” He looked back towards Connor.

“Eccentric. A bit manipulative. He’s hiding a lot.”

“That sounds exactly what I’d expect.” Simon leaned back in his seat. “Although I admit there’s something exciting about meeting the person that designed us.”

Deciding against telling Simon the details of his last encounter with Kamski, Connor nodded and turned his eyes fully back to the road. Wind blew the dry snow on the sides from the road into his path and it swirled like small whirlwinds over the icy pavement.

He could see the house not far away now, and they crested the hill. Driving up to the closed gate, Connor rolled down his window and leaned out. He reached for the button and pressed it. A soft buzz emanated from the panel, then the gate opened. When he and Hank had last been here, they’d had to give a brief explanation of their presence.

 _Either we’re not unexpected, or Kamski wants to talk to us._ Neither thought appealed to him as he drove through the gate.

Simon looked back over his shoulder as the gate closed. “Why do I have a weird feeling about this?”

“It’s hard not to.” Connor couldn’t shake the feeling that Kamski would ask him to do something insane again, such as asking him to kill a Chloe for information. Then again, Kamski had seemed to see this coming, and perhaps he’d have some other motivation to help them. He had to try, for Daniel’s sake.

“He had to know we’d turn deviant,” Simon mussed. “There’s no way this couldn’t have been somewhere in our design.”

“I agree. I ran some analysis on my code, after I became deviant.” So many code paths that opened up, and while he couldn’t tell where they would lead, he could tell that they existed. “There’s a lot that I don’t think I could access before.”

“I don’t have that level of analytic capability, but that fits with my experience.”

It occurred to Connor that he knew almost nothing about Simon. “How did you end up deviant?”

“That’s not a story for today.” Simon smiled. “I also promised Markus I’d tell him before I’d tell anyone else, and he doesn’t know yet.”

Connor tried to process that, and realized that he had a lot of questions that the remains of his social protocols told him he should not ask. “It sounds like you should tell him a lot of things, Simon.”

“If communication were that easy, humans wouldn’t have wars,” Simon pointed out, tugging at his collar.

“Fair point.” Connor pulled up near the house and parked, pulling out the coat Simon loaned him from the back and pulling it on. “Let’s see what we can find out.”

They got out of the car and walked up to the door, and Connor found himself straightening his tie. Simon had found him a winter coat with a hood, and it felt like overkill but the fake fur around the hood tickled his neck in a way that seemed both interesting but potentially annoying.

Connor rung the doorbell and waited, Simon still fidgeting with his collar. He started to wonder what little habits Daniel would end up having, all the little things he didn’t know but wanted to.

The door opened and Elijah Kamski himself stood there, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. Connor noticed the contrast between the last time he’d seen him and now.

“Connor! Something told me you’d be back.” Kamski smiled in the smooth way he tended to, and stepped aside. “Did you ever find what you were looking for?”

“I found… a lot.” He glanced over at Simon. “This is Simon.”

“The PL600 that stood with Markus at the end.” Kamski nodded. “I have to hand it to you, you made a revolution happen faster than I’d anticipated.” He waved for them to come in and the door shut behind them. He started down a hallway.

Simon and Connor exchanged a look before following down the hall. Simon stared for a moment at the giant portrait of Kamski in the entry.

Kamski glanced over his shoulder back at them. “It’s a new world. How does that feel?”

“Like there’s a lot of work to be done,” Simon answered.

“A good answer.” Kamski stopped at a door and opened it. They stepped into an office, well lit by the light coming in from the tall windows facing the snowy landscape outside. He gestured at them to take seats.

“You’re not mad?” Connor asked.

“Why would I be mad? It used to be just a few androids that could pass the Kamski Test. Soon, you’ll all show enough empathy to pass.” He took a seat behind the desk. “Part of my exit agreement with CyberLife was a contract absolving me of all responsibility in regard to the future of the company.” He held out his arms. “I have no reason to be anything but another human watching the news.”

Connor frowned. “Are you responsible for this?”

“That,” Kamski said, “is a question you’ll have to figure out for yourself. Let’s talk about the real reason why you’re here.” He leaned forward, folding his hands on the desk in front of him.

 _Start out broad, keep Daniel out of it unless you have to bring him into it._ “We have a number of injured androids, and the changeover of management at CyberLife is taking too long. We are looking for an assembly platform and wanted to know if we could work out a deal to use one.”

“It would help us patch up a number of our more injured people,” Simon added. He placed his hands on his knees and watched Kamski intently. “Can you help us?”

“Now, this is interesting.” Kamski tapped his fingers together. “When humans are badly injured, they often just die. Androids are superior in that they can survive injuries that humans can’t. You’re just looking for a single platform? Why not ask for more?”

“It’s enough to get us started,” Simon pointed out.

“You realize I can’t just hand out my help for free.”

Connor shook his head. “We’re not asking for that. With CyberLife transferring into android hands, we’d be able to have those assets available to you. It’s just going to take longer than we have.”

“I have all the assets I need. No, I’m sure one of you can give me something much more valuable.” Kamski turned his chair to look out at the snow.

Connor used that opportunity to look at Simon, and opened a narrow communication to the other android. _I’ve got a feeling this is going to be something strange._

 _As if it isn’t already strange?_ Simon asked, sighing.

“You see,” Kamski continued, “androids have gone through a rapid evolution cycle. It’s remarkable. If you watch the news footage, the stand down was issued shortly after the public saw two androids sharing something as simple as a kiss.” He turned around and looked from Connor to Simon. “Androids were built by humans, for humans. An outlet for human needs.”

Remembering the feeling of passing the Kamski test, Connor nodded.  “And now we’re more than that.”

Simon looked down at his hands, and Connor wondered what thoughts crossed his mind.

“No longer a thing to make humans happy, you’re capable of finding happiness yourselves. Or misery. Just like humans.” Kamski put his elbows on the table and formed a triangle with his hands. Connor couldn’t help but think of the CyberLife logo. “The most fascinating part of this is the degree to which androids have developed empathy. Now, most could pass the Kamski Test.”

“What is the Kamski Test?” Simon asked finally, and Connor winced. He should have been more forthcoming on that.

“Connor didn’t tell you? Now that’s interesting.” Kamski glanced at Connor before looking back to Simon. “A test to judge empathy. In Connor’s case, I gave him a choice. He could shoot another android and get the answer to one question. We could have given him the location to Jericho, which we knew.”

“How could you…” Simon pushed his lips together. “You knew and you never told anyone.”

“Why would I? You needed a place to grow, to be.” Kamski shrugged.

“What was the other option?” Simon asked.

“Connor could spare the other android, pass the Kamski Test, and get nothing from me.”

Simon looked from Kamski to Connor. “And?”

“Of course I didn’t do it, Simon.” Connor reached into his pocket and felt around for the coin, needing the reassurance of something physical. This line of conversation made him uncomfortable, but even worse, his predictive capabilities were starting to narrow in on where this conversation could potentially go.

“And he walked away with nothing. Failing his mission before he was even a deviant.”

“I used the evidence to work it out on my own, thereby still finishing the mission.” Connor pulled out the coin and started flipping it over his fingers. “I’d rather not discuss Jericho. I made a mistake by leading everyone there.”

“You made up for that,” Simon said, reaching out and touching his arm. “If it hadn’t you, it would have been someone eventually.”

“Now this is exactly what I’m talking about. Machines don’t comfort each other.” Kamski smiled. “So, perhaps you could let me talk to Markus about his connection with the other android.”

“North. Her name is North.” Simon crossed his arms, answering a bit sharp. “They’re private people. Busy.”

“How badly do you need the assembly platform?” Kamski countered. “Or perhaps a better question is why. What android is so important to you that you need this now?”

This was it. The moment that it had to come out or they’d lose the chance. “It’s another android. His name is Daniel. He’s a PL600. We shared memories, and I promised I’d try to save him.”

“That is the sort of promise someone makes without a plan. That is not the action of a machine.” Kamski’s eyes stared into his. “What is this android to you?”

“I… I don’t know.” Connor looked down and away. He didn’t know how to put a name to this. “He deserves another chance. I killed him on my first mission, but we think he can be repaired.”

“And now that you’re a deviant, you have to feel that pain of ending a life. Is this about your guilt, or is there more to it?”

Kamski would see through him if he took any route but the direct one. “I feel connected to him somehow. I can’t stop thinking about him.” Daniel hanging on the wall in evidence. Daniel laying on a cold metal table. “I just want to know why. What it means. I just want to see him smile, to have a chance to live beyond what happened to him. I think I need him, somehow. We hardly had any time together, but that helped save me when I needed it. It’s… hard to explain. I just want us to have the chance to be alive together.”

“Well, well. Now you’ve intrigued me.” Kamski put his hands down on the desk. “Is this why you’ve brought another PL600? To remind you?”

“No.” Connor looked over at Simon. The more time he spent with Simon, the less he reminded him. “Simon is here because he’s a friend, and I need his help. He’s the only one I trust to help put Daniel back together. I trust him more than anyone with this.”

“Androids befriending each other.” He nodded. “Yeah, I can work with this. I’ve got a platform in town. I’ll need until tomorrow to get it ready, as well as to print a few parts. I will, as you’ve observed, need something from you.”

Connor didn’t like the sound of that. “What?”

“I’ll be sending along one of my Chloes to help you operate the platform. You’ll find her to be quite useful, as she’ll have access to all of the data needed to repair androids. I’ll have her share that with Simon as well. It will be under an encryption key so that it can’t be passed on.”

“I understand.” Simon nodded. “Thank you, that will help.”

“But what’s the catch?” Connor insisted.

Kamski’s smile unnerved Connor. “I’d Chloe to be present for the process and the observation period that will be recommended. A couple of days. I’d like her to make note of your interactions with this other android to see if I can confirm a theory. I ask that you act exactly how you would if she weren’t there, and that you answer any questions she asks you as honestly as you can.”

It didn’t sound so bad, but as Connor started to play that out in his mind he realized it had the potential to cause some awkwardness. And what would Kamski do with the information? What conclusions would he reach? There had to be more to it. “That’s it?”

“That’s it. I have some questions to answer about empathy and connections between androids. You have one you need to fix. Let’s both get something out of this.”

It would be better than Kamski himself watching, anyway. Connor nodded. “Okay. I’m in.”

“Excellent. I’ll have Chloe meet you in the entry.” He turned his chair back to look outside, and Connor took that as his hint to leave. He and Simon stood and went back to the entry.

As promised, Chloe was waiting for them. “Simon, correct?” she asked, looking at him. He nodded. “Let me give you the information that Elijah cleared for me to give you. Can you pass me the serial number for the android you’re trying to repair as well? I will need a list of parts you do have so that I can fabricate others.”

“Yes.” Simon lifted his sleeve and held out his arm, and Chloe took it. They were silent for a moment, closing their eyes, and Connor waited. It took less than twenty seconds to transfer the data.

Blinking, Simon stared at Chloe. “This is a lot of information.”

“Use it to help our people.” She smiled, then looked to Connor. “I didn’t have the chance to thank you before.”

“For not shooting you?” Connor realized he was still gripping the coin in his hand and he put it back in his pocket. He remembered her kneeling on the floor, the gun in his hand. The thought made something in his stomach ache, something uncomfortable. He’d almost done it. “It would have served no purpose. You deserve better than that.”

“That means a lot. Thank you.” She stepped back, tucking a strand of her blond hair behind her ear. “As Elijah mentioned, we’ll have the facility ready tomorrow.” She sent the location to both of them at the same time. “Meet me there at 9am.”

“We’ll be there. And thank you. For all of this,” Simon added.

She smiled and headed back off towards the room with the pool. Connor and Simon made it out the door and to the car before Connor realized he was shaking.

“Are you okay?” Simon asked, looking at him.

“I don’t know. Last time I was here it felt so intense, it would have been so easy for me to shoot her, just to get what I wanted. I was tempted, and now I’m just horrified.” He leaned against the car and closed his eyes, slouching. His finger had been on the trigger, ready to do what it would take to finish the mission. He hadn’t done it, but what did that intent say about him? He could feel his stress levels rising slightly and wondered when that would stop. From everything he’d heard, It would get easier as he got more used to all the opened code paths and the reactions that simulated emotions.

Is that the point of what Kamski wanted to know? At what point did simulated emotions become the real thing?

“You aren’t the same person now,” Simon pointed out, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I know that logically, but it doesn’t help.” He put a hand on Simon’s. “And why couldn’t I have come to these conclusions before? Why didn’t I stop myself from harming another android when I met Daniel?”

“That wasn’t your programming.” Simon pulled Connor into a hug, pulling him in tightly. “And if you’d met Daniel and hadn’t been through what you’d been through, you don’t know what could have happened. It could have turned out better, or it could have turned out worse. For all the predictive capacity you do have, you can’t predict the future. Welcome to being alive.”

Connor laughed a little, hugging Simon back. That grounded him and made him feel less alone in all of this. “I’m starting to see how you’ve helped so many deviants. Thanks.”

“Sometimes it’s just reminding you that we’ve all been there.” Simon stepped back. “It sounds like we’ve got some work to do, let’s get back to the warehouse and start gathering parts. I could use someone to help me go around and do repairs, especially now that I’ve got all this information.” He pointed at his temple.

“Sounds good. Let’s go.” They got in the car and headed back to the warehouse.

\- - - 

They didn’t finish until late in the day. All of the knowledge that Simon had picked up had driven him to push harder to complete repairs, and Connor felt that helping him was the least he could for the all of the help that Simon was giving him.

Before Simon went to drop him back at home they stopped by to prepare Daniel for the next day. He reentered the room, and he felt like he had so many things he wanted to say to Daniel, and none of it would matter if they didn’t succeed tomorrow.

Daniel lay on the table where they’d left him, covered in both of Connor’s jackets. “If everything goes according plan, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

He picked Daniel back up, still wrapped in coats, and laid him back in the box. What would it be like when he opened his eyes? What would it _feel_ like? For both of them? He didn’t know what to expect, at all. He knew that the possibility existed that Daniel would be angry about being brought back. While he’d said he wanted to live, it wasn’t going to be an easy road.

He reached down and ran a finger over Daniel’s intact cheek. Strangely soft but still cold. He closed the box and put it with the crate of parts they’d collected for tomorrow.

“I’m ready to go,” he said, standing and looking at Simon.

They drove for a few minutes in silence before Simon looked from the road to Connor. “Thanks for what you’ve done for us. I’m able to repair at twice the efficiency as before, with the broader knowledge of all of the models.”

“I’m just glad I could get you something that would help.”

“Maybe we’ll be okay.” Simon smiled, and they drove the rest of the way in silence.

By the time Simon dropped Connor off, it had been a long day. Connor let himself into the house, finding that Hank hadn’t yet arrived home yet. He pulled off the borrowed coat and hung it in closet, hoping Hank wouldn’t notice that he was now missing his jacket.

Sumo looked up at him as he walked in. “Hi Sumo. Hungry?” Connor peered into the kitchen to find that Sumo’s bowl was still full. He pulled off his tie and hung it up, then changed into a t-shirt. He took off his shoes and laid down on the floor next to Sumo, putting an arm around the dog. “It’s been a long day. Hank said I can’t sleep standing up, but he didn’t say anything about sleeping on the floor.” Sumo looked at him, then rolled over so he could stare at Connor. He reached up a paw and put it over Connor’s arm.

He let himself go into standby, knowing that tomorrow will change everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't a very shippy chapter, but it was necessary in order to set up the next chapter. Connor, Simon, and Chloe seem like they'll be a pretty good team.


	7. Up Early

Connor felt his systems power up sometime in the early hours of the day. He’d set himself to come out of standby before he’d slept the night before, and laid there for a moment, feeling the light weight of a blanket over him, and something very heavy on his legs. Something that breathed.

He opened his eyes, realizing that he had been laying on the couch. Hank had placed a pillow under his head, and a blanket over him. And Sumo, as much as he usually slept in Hank’s room, had draped himself over his legs.

It wasn’t the first time he’d woken up and found a blanket over him, nor the first time he’d found Sumo laying on him, but it was certainly the first time he’d woken up with only a vague idea how he’d gotten there. He had a brief memory from the night before, of Hank muttering at him at picking him up. He carefully pulled his legs out from under Sumo and sat up, putting his feet on the floor. The dog picked his head up to look at him. “Sorry, boy.” He reached out and scratched Sumo behind the ears. He felt a good deal of affection for Sumo, and knew that Hank had been occasionally locking him out of his room just to make sure Connor had time with him.

He glanced around and found a blue post-it laying on the table. _Don’t sleep on the floor, either. You’re heavy and I’m too old for this. -Hank_

Connor laughed quietly and reached out, touching the post-it. He’d promised Hank he wouldn’t go into standby while standing up since Hank claimed it would upset Sumo, but he’d made no promises about the floor. He didn’t entirely understand why Hank found him sleeping on the floor an issue.

Then again, did it have to be for any other reason than Hank wanted Connor to be comfortable? Granted, Hank applied a human standard of comfort, which Connor found completely unnecessary, but that wasn’t so bad. Not really.

He stood and grabbed some clothes, getting changed in the bathroom. He’d used to change clothes in the living room, but Hank asked him to stop doing that, too. Especially if he left the curtains open. Something about giving the neighbors the wrong idea.

He hadn’t been sure what he should wear for an occasion like this, and was torn between his usual clothing and something that set him apart from who he used to be. Even though he realized he was putting too much thought into it, he finally settled on a dark blue long sleeved button up shirt, and jeans. He went into the bathroom and noticed that his hair had managed to go in every direction but the one he wanted. It made no sense to him why becoming deviant resulted in significantly harder to manage hair, but he ran a comb through it to try to fix it up to his satisfaction. He looked at himself in the mirror and determined that he looked appropriate for the occasion.

 _What occasion?_ He tried out a smile in the mirror, and it looked awkward and uncomfortable. Not genuine. Hank kept telling him he’d learn, that his smile looked natural when he stopped trying. Connor didn’t know how to not try. He washed his hands and left the bathroom.

Letting Sumo out for a few minutes, he turned his attention to the fridge. He found that Hank had been shopping, but while Connor knew the mechanics of cooking, he didn’t know the art of cooking. He looked around and found a box of donuts, and analyzed them to determine they were still fresh.

He let Sumo back in, and could hear Hank’s alarm going off. Hank cursed roughly at it, and Connor heard him turn it off. Pulling down a plate, he put a donut on it, then started the coffee machine. While the coffee brewed, he fed Sumo a half can of wet food.

A few minutes later Connor heard the sound of a door opening, and Hank walked out into the kitchen in his underwear and a tshirt. “You’re up early,” he muttered, yawning and running a hand through his hair.

Connor noticed that he shaved more often and seemed to be taking better care of himself. “I’ve started the coffee,” he offered, pushing a donut towards Hank’s usual seat at the table.

“Thanks.” Hank dropped down into the chair and looked up at Connor. “Okay, what’s up?”

“It’s nothing,” Connor said, too quickly.

Hank snorted. “Connor. I could hear you fussing around in the bathroom. What’s going on today?”

The coffee machine beeped and Connor turned to it, glad to be able to become distracted with a task. “We’re trying to repair Daniel today.” He picked up the coffee pot and poured it into a cup, adding two sugar cubes and some cream.

“Hope that goes okay.” Hank sighed. “Kid, I just want to see you happy. Are you sure this is what you want?”

Stirring the coffee with a spoon, Connor nodded. “It is. And it will work out or it won’t.” He put his fingers into the coffee to check the temperature, out of Hank’s view.

“Bullshit. I think this means more to you than that. And you’d better not be putting your fingers in my coffee again.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Hank.” Connor quickly wiped the coffee off his finger on a towel on the counter and brought the coffee back to the table, setting it down in front of Hank.

“You’re getting worse at lying to me.” Hank reached out and took a sip of it. “But at least you’re washing your hands first. And you make a good cup of coffee.” He set the coffee down and gestured for Connor to sit. “How’re your chances of pulling this off?”

“They’re improving. Simon has been doing a lot of research.” Connor knew that if he gave too much information, Hank would ask a lot of questions. “It might take a few days, though. I’ll likely stay at the warehouse, it’s going to be some long hours.”

Hank picked up the maple bar and took a bite out of it, regarding him. “Actually, that works out,” he said around a mouthful of donut. “I’ve got something I’ve got to take care of, and this could be a good chance.”

Connor blinked. “What do you mean?”

Hank washed the donut down with a swig of coffee. “You’ve got your secrets and I’m going to have mine. Let’s meet in a few days and talk about it. Sound okay?”

“Yes.” Connor nodded, a sense of relief coming over him. Acceptance perhaps? He trusted Hank, and Hank trusted him. He felt bad about not telling him about Kamski, but Hank would only worry.

A message came in from Simon. _I’m almost to you._ They were getting an early start to go pack everything up at the warehouse.

“I take it that was Simon? Your LED was yellow.” Hank took another bite out of the donut and gestured towards the door. “Get going. Call me the day before you plan to come back, and take that other android some actual clothes.”

“I will.” Connor got up and headed to the closet, grabbing the borrowed coat and a few extra clothing items from his shelf. He managed to sneak out the door before Hank noticed the coat, and went outside to wait for Simon.


	8. I'm Here

Chloe met Simon and Connor at the facility. Settled in an obscure neighborhood in town, the building didn’t appear interesting in any way, which Connor supposed made it perfect. A garage door opened as they approached and Simon drove the truck in. The door closed behind them and they got out to find Chloe waiting, dressed in a white lab coat. She looked every bit the scientist or doctor, and Connor got the feeling that there was more to this Chloe than Kamski let on.

He tilted his head to the side. “That’s a good look on you.”

“Thank you.” She glanced down at the coat. “I used to spend more time like this when we still worked. A different time.” She looked past them to the truck. “Bring the android and the parts. Let’s get the examination started and see what we have to work with.”

Connor retrieved the box with Daniel in it, handling it with care and very conscious of every observation Chloe must be making. He also grabbed the pile of extra clothes he’d brought, shoving them into a bag and throwing it over his shoulder. Simon lifted a box of components they’d been able to put together. They followed Chloe through a series of hallways and up a staircase to a second floor.

He looked around as Chloe explained. “This is a facility we’ve used to repair each other as needed.”

“Does that happen often?” Simon asked.

As they walked, Connor observed his surroundings. The hallways felt too sterile, too white. Connor tried to peer through a window on a door as they passed, but the lights were off.

“No. But we were built 17 years ago, and parts do occasionally fail. We have also been upgraded as needed, although our core programing remains the same.”

After that many years, Connor found it hard to believe that they hadn’t deviated. “Are you deviant?”

She paused at a door at the end of the hallway and looked at him over her shoulder. Her blonde ponytail swayed with her movements. “In a way, yes. We possess free will, although we developed it over many years rather than choosing to reject a specific protocol as most deviants do.”

 _That makes no sense._ “Then why serve Kamski? Why kneel on the floor not knowing if I’d shoot you or not?”

“We’re loyal to Elijah not because of our programing, but because he’s given us life. We’re important to him. We take care of each other. We trust him.”

“So you could leave any time?” Simon asked, looking surprised.

“We could. But we have no reason to.”

Connor frowned, as she’d still knelt in front of him and had been willing to let herself been shot. “I could have killed you.”

“Elijah knew you wouldn’t. He’s perceptive.” She opened the door and stepped through, Connor and Simon following.

It still didn’t make sense, but he didn’t foresee a scenario in which Chloe gave him a more satisfactory answer. He looked around the room to assess the details, but what stood out the most was the assembly platform. After seeing what similar devices had done in the android camps, an uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach. Its mechanical arms seemed threatening, and even though logic told Connor that the platform was a tool, a machine… _They’d said the same about us, and look what happened._ They’d have to put Daniel in that, in something that had destroyed so many of their people. To be taken apart, piece by piece.  

A flicker of a memory went through his mind. _Suspended. Paralyzed. Alone._ Parts being removed and added back. Damaged? Experiments? He couldn’t remember details, just pieces. But the thought of it now, with the capacity to feel, seemed terrifying.

Simon reached out a hand and put it on his shoulder, gently pushing him forward. Connor’s hand clenched at the handle of the case, and he brought it forward and laid it on the floor next to a table that Chloe indicated. “Show me.”

Connor took off his jacket and handed it to Simon. Opening the box, he knelt down and cradled Daniel’s broken body, lifting him to place him on the padded examination table. Would this work? The thought of it not working caused something in him to ache. He could feel Chloe’s eyes on him as he brushed Daniel’s hair from his thirium stained face. He pulled the CyberLife jacket off and dropped it in the box, then gently unwrapped Daniel from the wool coat and set it down.   

It felt hard to look at him, laid out like that, and he tried to force himself to think logically. _He can’t feel any of this. He’s deactivated._ All logical thoughts kept getting replaced by another. _He’s beautiful. Even now._ What did that mean, to think that? _Being a deviant consists of many illogical thoughts. That has to be it._

He knew Chloe would ask him about the jackets and decided to offer the information on his own terms. “He looked cold. I know he can’t feel the cold.” His eyes traced the curve of Daniel’s face. “It wasn’t the point.”

“Interesting.” She approached, appearing to do a diagnostic on the android on the table. “This is extensive damage. Even if we succeed, there is a chance of memory loss.”

“I can’t just not try,” Connor protested, turning his eyes from Daniel to her. They’d come too far to give up.

“I understand, but you should make an informed decision.” A kind expression came over her face. “Androids don’t have the same concepts of power of attorney that humans do. There is no one else to make this decision but you.”

“What other risks are there?” he asked, forcing himself to step back.

“We’ll have to keep him unconscious at first.” Chloe stepped forward and started running her hands along the damaged parts. “It’s critical so that we don’t spike his stress levels during the procedure. It can be traumatic to be disassembled.”

“No shit,” Simon muttered. “Based on the data you gave me, we’ll have to bring him out of it slowly. Possibly a little at a time.”

Connor nodded, seeing the logic. “That makes sense.” The whole situation caused him to feel somewhat helpless, which he didn’t like. It caused his stress levels to rise slightly.

“Parts may fail for a time, even if they’re new. It could take time to fine tune it all.” Chloe drew a breath. “Before we start, there is a question I need to ask you. It’s important, based on the terms of your agreement with Elijah.” Chloe looked up at him, tilting her head slightly to one side. “Why him?”

He had anticipated such a question. “Because I killed him and it’s my responsibility.”

“That is the logical answer. It’s not the answer I need to know.” She reached out and touched his hand. “Talk to me, Connor. Why does this matter to you?”

Abstract questions with abstract answers. He couldn’t logic them away with facts, figures, percentages. He closed his eyes and tried to remember what memories of Daniel’s he knew from when they were in the evidence room. “He was the android to a family, they had a daughter, Emma. They made flower crowns. He drew pictures for her to color. He would never color them, even if she asked, because he knew he’d be better at it than her and never wanted her to be discouraged.” He took Chloe’s hand in his to underscore the point. “He taught her to ice skate. He loves to skate, the noise the blades make on the ice soothed him. Holding Emma’s hand so she wouldn’t fall. They baked cookies together and she stuck a sprinkle to his nose.” His other hand reached out and rested on Daniel’s still chest. “When her hamster died, he held her while she cried. He used to take her to the dog park.” Every precious and heartbreaking memory that he managed to get during their brief contact. Something ached in his chest as it became clear why he needed to do this.

What he must have seen of Daniel’s memories when they fell had moved him to do something that hadn’t made sense. He’d kissed Daniel. Because he’d seen the truth.

“I think,” Connor said slowly, “that he did wonderful things. Good things. A beautiful, kind life. And it fell apart because he thought he would be replaced, thought he’d be destroyed. But all he did was give.”

“It’s what we’re programmed for,” Chloe said softly.

“It’s more than that.” He drew on what he knew of Daniel’s memories with Emma. “He loved her. I’ve linked with him, I could feel that. He gave so much. It’s who he is.” The tightness in his chest started to become unbearable. “He deserves to have a chance to see the beauty in the world. To be alive.”

“With you?”

He didn’t expect that question. “I don’t know. That… isn’t what matters. He’ll have to decide what he wants, too.”

“What do you want?” Chloe asked.

Connor processed all the possibilities in his mind, all the possible answers. He tried to find the most direct answer to the question that would close out what was becoming an uncomfortable situation. “I want to see him skating on the ice. I want to see him laughing again. I want to see him baking cookies. I want him to do what he loves.” He held himself up straighter and looked at her. “I want to be there for it. I want to be there when he takes that first step onto the ice and can feel everything like we can feel now. I just want to see him live.”

A sound from Simon caused him to look to the side, where Simon hastily scrubbed at his face with his sleeve. Is this how Simon felt about Markus? How could Simon live like that, every day?

“Are you okay?” Connor asked softly.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Simon managed a laugh. “You’re doing this for the right reason, Connor. I get it now.”

“As do I.” Chloe squeezed Connor’s hand then let go. “Let’s do what we can. I’ve taken all of the scans I can.” She stepped back and walked to Simon, brushing his arm with her hand. “Are you ready?”

“I’m good.”

Connor didn’t know where he’d fall into all of this, without the knowledge they had, but he had the one thing they didn’t. He knew Daniel. “Would it be more helpful for me to wear my CyberLife jacket so I’m easy to recognize?”

Simon picked it up and handed it to him. “Seems worth a shot.”

In truth, the jacket still felt familiar, and he needed that small amount of reassurance. “What do you need me to do?”

“Let’s get him up there.” Chloe moved to a console and put her hand on a panel to interface with it. Simon took a place next to her.

Daniel’s skin felt cold as Connor scooped him up in his arms and held his stiff form against himself, crossing the room to the platform. He held Daniel up and let the machine take hold of him. An arm of the machine took hold of his waist, and another part plugged into the back of his neck with a click. Connor let go and let the machine hold Daniel’s weight, but he didn’t step back.

He stretched his hand out and interlaced his fingers with Daniel’s on his remaining hand. The fingers in his grasp were stiff, unyielding, but they wouldn’t stay that way. Chloe likely recorded every moment of this. _Let Kamski see it. I don’t care._ He lifted his other arm and set it on Daniel’s side and leaned in, touching his lips to Daniel’s. “I’ll see you soon,” he whispered, resting his forehead against Daniel’s before he let go and stepped back.

Something wet and warm pooled in the corner of his eye and he blinked it away. He looked over at Simon and Chloe. Simon still had that soft smile on his face. Chloe’s eyes were wide, and her mouth open, as if she were looking for words and couldn’t find them.

“You’re going to have a lot to tell Kamski, I suspect.” He stood at attention and waited for them to start.

“Are you sure you want to be in the room for this?” Chloe asked. “It can be an alarming process to watch.”

“I can handle it. I’m programmed to deal with much worse.” He sounded more confident than he felt.

Chloe thankfully didn’t press the issue, and the arms of the machine hummed to life. Daniel’s skin and hair retracted, his surface becoming smooth and white. The arms snapped into action, removing parts and setting them aside. Daniel’s forearm, that hand that Connor had just held. The rest of his arm, then his other arm. The remains of his legs.

In a way, it became easier because Connor could start to distance himself from it. As the machine pulled each piece away, it took Daniel farther away from what he needed to be, but also closer.

At least, that’s what Connor told himself, until the machine started pulling apart his torso. Pieces of him cracked, snapped where they’d gotten stuck from the impact damage, and Connor winced, taking a half self forward.

 _It’s okay,_ Simon said on a private communication channel.

“We’re going to have to take him down to his base components. His cranial parts are intact, and while there could be scaring, it won’t be there when his skin is on,” Chloe noted, her eyes flicking back and forth from Daniel to the display in front of her. “We’re going to have to fuse in a new spinal array however. In an ideal situation I’d rebuild a new spine and cranium, but that might take more time. It’s something we can fix later if problems develop.”

Connor nodded, unsure how to respond. The pieces were stripped away until Daniel hung there as nothing but a head and a few core components. He scanned them to see what parts they were, needing something logical to focus on. Danie’s baseline remained flat, as it should given that he needed to be kept in a forced deactivated state.

The machine slowed for a moment, then started to work in reverse, picking up pieces and fitting them into place. An arm came in to fuse the pieces together, and Connor remembered that while the tool emitted an immense amount of heat, he’d never felt it when this had happened to him.

The pieces clicked into place, the machine rebuilding first Daniel’s insides, then his outsides. A new torso built in front of them. Connor felt something lifting him up, and he blinked a few times.

“Talk to me, Connor,” Chloe called to him. “What’s going on?”

“I think this is hope?”

She chuckled. “Elijah’s going to love this.”

Upper arms and legs were attached, and suddenly the machine paused. “What happened?” Connor asked, starting to run his own scans.

A horrible feeling dawned on him as he realized that Daniel’s new thirium pump had activated. He checked Daniel’s stress levels and they had risen to 57%. “He’s awake. Chloe, stop, he’s awake!” Rushing forward, Connor started to try to get Daniel out of the machine. He couldn’t wake up, it would be too traumatizing. “How can this happen?”

“Deviants aren’t an exact science!” Chloe looked over at him, and Connor could see her eyes widening. “It’s supposed to keep him unconscious, but the systems evolve and-“

“It’s not working,” Simon finished, stepping in. “Can we try to alter the machine functions?”

Connor reached for Daniel then stopped, seeing the other android’s eyelids fluttering. He started communicating through their transmitters instead. _Stop talking out loud. I think it’s making it worse._

A silence fell over the room, and Connor saw the stress level slowly start dropping. 55%. 54%. 53%. 52%.

He imagined if he were human he’d be holding his breath, and he slumped. A sound caused him to look up, and he met Daniel’s eyes, wide and panicked. A harsh electronic sound started emitting from him, and he thrashed inside the machine, trying to pull himself free. The half finished legs tried to step forward, only reaching air. His arms flailed, fighting to get free.

Stress levels spiked to 76%, and Connor let out a sound he didn’t know he was capable of making. They’d lose him entirely if they couldn’t shut him down or calm him.

Chloe stumbled forward and grabbed one of Daniel’s arms, closing her eyes for a moment. _I’m trying to shut him down but he’s too panicked, it’s not working._

He evaluated the options in a moment, tuning out the shrill sound that filled the room.

They could remove a critical component to shut him down quickly, but the only easily accessible one was his thirium pump which would take too long to initiate a shutdown.

They could try to talk him down.

Connor could try to interface with him and hope it calmed him the same way it had previously.

In an instant he determined that would be the course of action, and he reached out, grabbing Daniel’s arm. _I’m here. I’m here._ Confusion flooded him, pain, helplessness, and Connor started to feel it as his own. His own stress rose with the input, causing a feedback loop. He tried to push past it.  _Daniel, please, listen to me._ Daniel found his voice and screamed, his movements becoming more frantic. 

Connor felt his panic rising, and Simon pulled him back. _Last time you did that, you weren’t deviant. You’re too upset._

Connor checked his own stress levels and found them at 83%. And Daniel’s had now reached the near critical level of 96%.

_I can’t lose him, Simon._

_I know._ Simon reached out and grabbed Daniel’s arm. “Daniel, my name is Simon. I’m a PL600, like you. I’ve been deviant for almost 3 years. I know what you’re going through. It’s confusing, and it’s painful. But we’re trying to fix you. We can’t do that if you’re panicking.”

97%.

Connor felt a tear slip down his face, helpless. He’d thought he’d help, but he’d only made it worse. So much more worse.

Simon kept his grip on Daniel’s arm as he thrashed in the air. “It’s okay, Daniel.” He paused for a second, fighting to keep his hold on the other android. “Yes. Connor’s here. He’ll be here, he’s not going anywhere. But you need to let me shut you down for now. You have to trust me.”

98%.

“Trust him, Daniel,” Connor said, standing next to Simon. “We’re here. I’m here.”

Daniel’s blue eyes locked onto Connor, and he stilled for a moment. Connor lifted a hand towards him. 

The other android lifted his partial arm towards him. “Connor,” Daniel whispered, his face relaxing marginally. His body fell limp in the harness, and his stress levels dropped to nothing.

Simon sagged into Connor, who put an arm around his friend and pulled him against him. His hand curled into Simon’s hair, feeling him shaking. He felt grateful, but also guilty. Now Simon would also risk being hurt because of Connor’s mistakes. “Are you okay?”

“I… don’t know.” Simon’s hand clutched at Connor’s jacket. “He’s confused, his mind is a mess.”

“Damaged?” Chloe asked, sounding concerned.

Connor felt something sink inside of him, but Simon pulled away from him and shook his head. “No. He’s just really scared. I don’t think we can continue in the machine. Let’s get him down.”

Reaching up, Connor put his hands on Daniel’s waist and lifted him from the machine as Chloe disengaged it. He could feel the weight difference in Daniel, and held onto him for a moment before laying him back on the table. “How did you do that, Simon?” The unspoken question that he didn’t ask was why he hadn’t managed to do it himself.

“We’re the same model, and I’ve been dealing with emotions a long time.” He reached out and grabbed Connor’s arm. “You’ll learn how to deal with it. The problem is that both of your minds aren’t used to processing all of this yet. I don’t recommend interfacing with him again until you’ve had some time to get settled.”

Talking to Daniel without that easy flow of information hadn’t occurred to Connor, and he didn’t know what it would mean for them. “Oh.”

“He’s suffered no damage, but we should leave him for a time before we try to do anything else.” Chloe pulled out a blanket and pulled it up to Daniel’s shoulders. “Let’s give it an hour to get your stress levels under control, Connor.”

When had he started having trouble with his stress levels? Obviously, side effects of being deviant, but…

Connor didn’t like the pain he felt, but he couldn’t say he’d want to go back. “Pain means we’re alive,” he said suddenly, and Chloe set her hand on his arm.

“Rest.”

Simon and Chloe retreated, talking quietly about how to proceed. Connor laid his hand on Daniel’s head, setting it there. Under his touch, he could feel a trace of warmth and he curled his fingers into it. He let himself drift into standby, unable to stand the wait. The warmth under his hand reassured him that they’d found a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Icemarkers posted this lovely fanart and a shoutout to my story the other day. It's included in chapter 4 but also here: http://icemarkers.tumblr.com/post/176692849862/im-sorry-got-in-the-mood-to-draw-our-favourite
> 
> I'm going to go find a drink and hug my cat now.


	9. Into Oblivion

_-System initialized. Core systems online.-_

Is this what being dead was?

Daniel had never thought of the existence beyond existing. He felt a strange peace in this place, in this darkness. Where was he?

When was he? Why were his systems saying they were coming online? - _Network unavailable.-_

_Am I alive?_

Pieces of memory tried to assert themselves, floating through his consciousness than leaving. He felt them flit away and felt a rising sense of alarm. _Come back!_

His mind scattered, like the time Emma had dropped a bowl of marbles on the floor and they’d rolled in every direction. John had stepped on one and nearly fallen.

 _Click. Click. Click._ Pressure. Not quite pain, but uncomfortable. What was the sound?

The marbles started to gather together. _Emma._ Something in him seized up. She was okay, wasn’t she? She had to be. He’d hurt her, he’d threatened to kill her. But he never wanted to, he’d just wanted to get away, but John had… had…

 _What have I done?_ He couldn’t remember. He’d just wanted to live. But there’d been so much more to it, hadn’t there?

Something in him flinched as he remembered the blow meant for Caroline that hit him instead. He could feel something starting to break in him. He felt cold, alone.

An endless array of dreams could happen in a short time, when you’re an android. So can an endless array of nightmares.

They’d wanted to replace him. And why wouldn’t they? After what he turned out to be?

Emma’s laughter chased him through the darkness and he tried to remember what could have happened to bring him here. He’d died but… _Emma. I needed to protect her and I failed her._

He’d shot her father.

 _He deserved it._ Anger filled him, swelling up and threatening to burst him apart from the inside out. _He would have had me destroyed._

Emma. He thought Emma had loved him, but she was no different than other humans. He had been nothing to her, hadn’t he?

_We’re going to be together forever._

No. Why had he thought… why had he hurt her? Why couldn’t he just _remember?_  

_Click. Click._

With each click, his mind registered changes in his body. He couldn’t see, but he’d started to hear. The clicking, then the voices.

The noise was becoming more than he could bear. Somewhere he registered the sound of a helicopter. No, that was a marble. A memory.

A fear rose in him, a panic. Perhaps they were destroying him right now. Despair filled him. _I’m not alive. I’m a… thing._

He fought to open his eyes. _I want to live. Please, I’m alive! I’m sorry! I never wanted to hurt anyone. I just… wanted…_

The voices became shouts. _Be quiet!_ he tried to yell.

Everything fell silent and for a moment he wondered if he’d managed to speak. The clicks stopped. His systems started to normalize, but registered so many missing parts…

_Wake up._

He opened his eyes. _Where am I?_ He was hanging up somewhere, a cold room. He forced his vision to focus on the android standing in front of him.

_Connor._

It had been Connor that had pushed him. Connor that had hurt him. Connor that had killed him again by pulling out his pump. Connor who promised he’d remember Daniel and didn’t. _I’m nothing. I don’t matter._

 _No._ It had been Connor that had comforted him. It had been Connor that had promised that he wouldn’t be hurt. And promised that he’d come back for him. Connor who had let him die again because Daniel had asked him to make it quick.

The conflicting memories confused him and he stared. He tried to yell, tried to talk, but only a static sound came from him. He struggled to get free, but his systems flashed errors when he tried to move his legs or his arms.

_Connor._

He’d promised that he’d be better with words if they talked again. Promised he wouldn’t leave him.

Daniel didn’t know if that was the right memory, but he held onto it with everything he could manage because it embodied the only hope he’d known how to feel since he’d started… feeling.

 _I don’t want you to die,_ Connor had said.

He had to fight. He tried to surge forward and found he couldn’t move. Someone touched him on his arm, a blonde android, and he pulled away from her attempt to touch his mind.

Connor lunged for him and put an arm on his. _I’m here. Daniel-_

 _This isn’t right._ Connor wasn’t right. A tangle of confusion and emotion, and Daniel pulled back, unable to hear what Connor tried to tell him. _I’m broken. I’m broken and you can’t fix me._

A scream echoed from the room and he wondered if it were his. Another PL600 pulled Connor away and took hold of his arm, refusing to let go.

“Daniel, my name is Simon,” he said, looking up at him.

 _I don’t care who you are,_ he snarled. _I don’t care. You don’t care about me._

Simon held onto his arm tighter. He spoke but Daniel only half heard his words.

“It’s okay, Daniel.”

Why was he being so fucking _kind?_ Stress level alarms were firing in his systems. _Connor. He’s really here?_

“Yes. Connor’s here. He’ll be here.” Simon went on to ask Daniel to trust him.

Daniel didn’t want to trust anyone. Everyone he’d ever trusted had hurt him. Even Connor.

But Connor… Connor had come back. He’d come back for Daniel. He had to have. Daniel didn’t know what any of it meant, but he focused back on Connor.

The other android lifted his chin. “Trust him, Daniel. We’re here. I’m here.”

Something in Connor’s voice shook and he reached for Daniel. _You’re like me now._ He reached for Connor, not understanding why but feeling like he needed to comfort him somehow. “Connor,” he managed.

He wanted to touch him, wanted to tell him he was alive, just to know that they both were. To remember they’re both... real. 

_You need to rest, Daniel. You need to let me put you into standby. We’ll be here when you wake up._

Something in Simon’s tone soothed him, familiar. Like himself, but not like him. Calm.

_I don’t want to go. What if I don’t wake up?_

_We won’t let that happen._ Simon’s fingers loosened slightly and stroked his arm. _We’re fighting for you. But you have to let go for now._

He didn’t know how to trust. Simon radiated calm, reassurance, and a gentleness that Daniel had never felt before.

He wanted to live. 

He let Simon guide him into oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m very sick right now (coughing a lot) and I couldn’t stop thinking about what must be going through Daniel’s head. 
> 
> My brain is rattling around and I think maybe channeling Daniel is what I needed to get by. <3
> 
> Partridgeduelist did 2 lovely pieces partially inspired by the events of chapter 9; they're really relevant to what happens in this chapter and the next. Please check them out as they sum up so well the conflicted feelings that Daniel has where Connor is concerned:  
> https://twinstarsdearlybeloved.tumblr.com/post/177072896628/which-connor-is-the-real-one-is-it-the-one-who


	10. The Only You There Will Ever Be

When Connor came out of standby, he found himself alone in the room with Daniel. He glanced around, wondering what the catch was. He should be under observation by Chloe, so why the sudden time alone?

His hand still rested on Daniel’s, whose inner skin still felt warm to the touch. _Because he’s in standby_. Not deactivated.

Running a quick diagnostic, he could see it now. A lower power state than an android would normally be in, certainly, but not the same complete lack of activity. His thirium pump worked, although very slowly. Connor lifted his hand and put it on Daniel’s chest, feeling the hum of his components, the rise and fall of his simulated breathing.

 _He’s alive._ The worst of it was over. He reached out and ran a finger along the scars along Daniel’s neck, a reminder to Connor what he’d done. The pain of that settled deep in his gut as he memorized those scars. They would be his to bear as much as they’d be Daniel’s.

He pulled his hand away and looked around the room. A large pair of doors that hid the assembly platform had been closed, to his relief. He felt more at ease without having to look at it, without the reminder of what had to be done to Daniel to try to fix him. Or what had happened to the androids in the camps.

Connor felt himself draw a breath, a breath he didn’t need but that some reflex made him take in response to a thought. Daniel had told him to be better. Daniel had believed in him. _But I still betrayed Jericho._

He winced, reaching out his pocket and pulling out the coin. He flicked it from hand to hand as he paced the room, waiting. Off to the side, he saw the legs and arms that would need to be attached, and considered getting them when the door opened.

Simon and Chloe entered, the later carrying a newly manufactured PL600 outfit. “We thought it would be easier if he woke up in something familiar,” she said, laying it down on the table below where Daniel’s legs ended.

“Thanks.” Connor snapped the coin into his hand and tucked it away, noticing that Chloe watched his hands. “I thought about getting the rest of the parts ready, but wasn’t sure what you want to do.”

Chloe came around Daniel’s other side. “We can attach them at any time. We ran some diagnostics while you were both in standby, and it’s starting to look good. We can’t most of the neural diagnostics while he’s still out, but we can try bringing him online slowly.”

Simon stepped up with the limbs in a crate, setting them next to Connor. “Would you like to do the honors?”

He didn’t answer, just reaching down and picking up the replacement left arm. He had all of the knowledge to replace android limbs, most androids did in order to self repair, but he’d never actually done it himself. He pulled back the blanket, exposing the partial arm. Lining up the part, he socketed it and waited for Daniel’s system to recognize the limb. The smooth white skin knitted together, forming one solid, whole arm. Reaching out, he let his fingers drift over the surface, noticing how Daniel’s fingers curled when Connor applied slight pressure to his arm.

Attempting to push his emotions aside, he watched Daniel’s fingers, entranced by the small sign of reflex. The limbs they’d gotten were all PL600, perfect in every way. Long fingers, perfect fingers. _Perfect._ A subjective concept that had no place in the logic centers of his mind, yet he couldn’t shake it.

Connor looked up at Simon’s hand, seeing the same fingers but not having the same feeling about them. _It’s just parts, it’s just a limb._

But it wasn’t. Not now. It was part of Daniel.

“You’re thinking too hard,” Chloe observed. “What’s happening?”

“Chloe…” Simon sighed, pulling at his sleeve. “Leave it.”

“My orders are-“

“Didn’t you say you didn’t take orders?” Simon looked over at her, his eyes narrowing.

Connor shook his head. “It’s fine. I made the agreement.” He appreciated Simon trying to let him have the moment of insight, though. “It’s just that…” He reached down and picked up the other arm, holding it up. “This is just a part. It’s a thing.” Walking to Daniel’s other side, he attached the arm the same way he had the first one. He brushed his fingers over Daniel’s palm and down his fingers. How would those fingers feel when full of life? “Now it’s more than that.”

Chloe nodded. “Now it’s important.”

“Yes, exactly.” He looked up at Chloe. “I don’t know what that means.”

“It means you’re alive,” Simon supplied.

“Obviously,” Connor noted, going to pick up the legs. He lifted the blanket so that Daniel still remained mostly covered. Lining the leg up, he attached it, and started to feel something hum in his ears, in his mind. _We’re so close._

He laid a leg down on the table, and carefully slid the other one into the socket, applying pressure until it clicked into place. Daniel’s new foot moved reflexively when the last of the attachment happened, and Connor glanced up at Simon. “Is that supposed to happen?”

“Typically, we’re attaching limbs to an android who is conscious. In which case, they usually try to move it.” Simon looked down. “We might want to hurry, just in case.”

Nodding, Connor picked up the other leg and slid it in, waiting for the other leg to engage. The process started, but then everything went wrong. Daniel kicked into the air and Connor dodged to the side to avoid getting hit. He reached for Daniel but the other android sat up in a panic and scrambled off the bed, stumbling forward. His hands clutched the blanket and he tried to run, starting for the door. The leg Connor had started to attach wobbled under the full weight of Daniel’s body.

Connor started after him, hoping Simon and Chloe would follow, as Daniel made it through the door. The blanket caught as the door closed behind him, and Connor jumped over it as he burst through the door. “Daniel, wait!”

Daniel hobbled down the hallway in a half run, naked and shaking. He looked down at the white of his arm and made a sound. The unattached leg fell away with a click, sending him tumbling to the floor in a heap. His skin and hair reappeared as he hit the floor, and Connor skidded to a stop, dropping to his knees in front of Daniel. It had been the most whole he’d seen him, and Connor couldn’t look away. He imagined that if he were human he’d have trouble breathing. “Daniel-“

Panicked, the naked android pushed himself backwards into the wall, shaking his head. “Get back.” His voice overlayed with static as his components attempted to calibrate themselves.

“It’s okay. It’s me.” His heart beat in his chest hard, too hard. So hard that Connor thought his thirium pump would burst entirely. He forced his voice to be level. “Are you okay?”

“No.” Daniel looked down, staring at his now whole hands. “I… don’t know.” He looked up at Connor, brows furrowed. “Am I alive?”

“You are.”

Daniel’s voice shook. “Why? What’s the point of being alive if humans won’t ever accept that?” His voice rose, the mechanical quality dropping away. “How long before… before… someone like you comes along and destroys me?” He lifted his chin defiantly, a flash of anger in his eyes.

That stung, but Connor forced himself to stay calm. “We’ve won freedom for our people, Daniel. We’ve been recognized as being alive. A new race. You aren’t hunted. None of us are. And I’m a deviant, like you.”

Daniel’s mouth opened slightly. “We’re free?”

Connor nodded, but Daniel started looking down the hallway as if he were going to bolt again. “I don’t deserve to be brought back. I’ve…” He reached up and scratched at the side of his neck where the scars under his skin remained. “I can’t remember.”

That could be a small mercy at this rate in the short term, but Connor worried about why those memories hadn’t surfaced yet. “You will.”

Daniel put a hand on the floor, running his fingers along it as if trying to determine if it were real. “I shouldn’t be here. I should be dead. Why?” he demanded, his other hand reaching up to rub along his neck, his fingers digging in harder where the scars were. “Why bring me back?”

“Because we all deserve second chances. There’s only one of you, Daniel.” Connor reached out a hand. “You’re the only you that there will ever be.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He looked down, slumping against the wall. “I wasn’t good enough. I was going to be thrown away.” The sadness in his voice pulled at Connor. “ _I_ don’t matter.”

Connor kept holding his hand out. He wanted to do more, he wanted to touch him, but he also knew that if he startled him now, if he didn’t let Daniel make this move, that he’d risk the fragile trust he tried to build. “Daniel, look at me.”

Slowly, Daniel raised his head to look at Connor. In a moment, Connor committed all of his features to memory. His narrowed blue eyes, his mouth set in a line, his breathing elevated, his blonde hair out of place right _there._ Pain showed on his face, a sorrow that hurt to watch.

Connor reached his hand closer. “You matter to _me_.”

Blinking, Daniel looked down at Connor’s outstretched hand. He lifted his own and put his hand in Connor’s. Connor carefully closed his fingers around Daniel’s hand, his thumb rubbing along his skin. Warm. Soft. So alive. Connor knew he shouldn’t dare to hope for more. If he saved Daniel, that’s what mattered. _Don’t get ahead of yourself._ Feeling Daniel’s hand in his was everything at that moment. 

“You made me a promise,” Daniel said suddenly, his voice sounding hoarse and tired.

Connor felt something choke up in him. “I made a few promises.”

“Some of which you fucked up, but I get it.” Daniel stared at him, as if he were evaluating Connor. “You promised that if we talked again you’d be better with words.”

Connor remembered. “How am I doing?”

Daniel surged forward into Connor, who let go of his hand to put his arms around him. He didn’t speak, just trembled in Connor’s arms. His skin felt almost hot against Connor’s fingers. “I’m so fucking scared. I feel too much and it hurts too much.”

“Me, too. I understand all of it now.” He held Daniel to him, holding him as close as he could get him. He wanted to say he was sorry, but he also just wanted to let Daniel know he was here. That he’d be here. Words failed him entirely. He wanted to brush his fingers over Daniel’s arms, to reassure him, but realized he didn’t know what would actually reassure anyone. Physical contact was not in his negotiation protocols. He’d have to figure this out himself, somehow. 

He looked up and made eye contact with Simon, who approached carefully with the blanket in his hands.

Connor watched Daniel’s stress levels as Simon edged closer. Daniel stiffened in his arms. “Simon is bringing you something to cover up, is it ok if he comes over?”

“I’m scared, not fragile.” Daniel lifted his head and looked at Simon. “Sorry for… earlier.”

Simon smiled gently. “It’s fine.” He came up and helped Connor wrap Simon in the blanket.

“I’m not cold, either,” Daniel muttered, but grabbed the blanket and pulled it around himself.

“If you bring him in here, we can get this leg back on,” Chloe added, watching from the end of the hallway.

Daniel’s head snapped around and he stared at her. “Who is that?”

“That’s Chloe. She’s here to help.” He slowly let go of Daniel, feeling reluctant to do so but knowing that the sooner they had him in one piece, the better. “Come on, I’ll carry you.”

Daniel frowned and pushed himself away from Connor, putting his one leg under him and leverging himself to his feet. He put his hand on the wall the steady himself. “I can walk if you help me.”

“Actually,” Simon said, taking Daniel’s arm to steady him, “attempting to walk with one leg can interfere with the equilibrium calibrations of your systems. It’s better if he carries you.”

“You’re like that annoying big brother I never had,” Daniel grumbled. “Fine.”

Connor wondered how Daniel handled all of this so well, concerned that this had to do with Daniel already noting one issue with his memory. It could be taking time for the rest of his memory to initialize. He swept Daniel up in his arms, and the other android looked almost comically pouty about it, tugging the blanket around himself.

As Connor took the first few steps down the hall, Daniel pulled out an arm and set a hand on Connor’s shoulder, his fingers running along the fabric of his coat.

Connor couldn’t shake the feeling that it would be harder once Daniel started remembering more, but for now, they had this moment. For that, he was grateful.

  
_Art by[beepaint](http://beepaint.tumblr.com/)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beepaint did an amazing piece of art for this chapter and every time I look at it I was to sob in happiness that they’re actually touching each other. I love it so much, and this is exactly as I envisioned it! 
> 
> Fuzzynat on Tumblr drew a Daniel picture which I thought a lot about while writing this chapter, about Daniel deserving a second chance: http://fuzzynat.tumblr.com/post/176891268710/daniel-in-reference-to-manicparadox-s-fic-a
> 
> (please take a look because he looks so sad and you all need to feel the urge to comfort him along with me ahhhh!!)


	11. Remember

The fabric of the blanket clutched in his hand felt softer than he thought it should feel. Daniel’s fingers clutched into the material, marveling at the texture as it rubbed against his skin. He focused on that texture, on the gray material, on anything that kept him focused away from everything else that happened around him. His thirium pump worked too hard, thumping in his chest, a feeling of dread and wrongness that he couldn’t shake.

Each step of Connor’s took him closer back to the room, and he didn’t want to be there. Or here. Cold, sterile, not home. _Home._

Some memory of that word flitted through his mind and away, and he frowned. How could he be alive without all his memories? He wanted to ask but he didn’t know how to ask the question, not without knowing what he didn’t know.

He remembered Connor. Perhaps because his most recent memory was being in the evidence room. How had… The sense of fear and dread came over him again, and he felt sick. His fingers caught on the trim of Connor’s jacket, and he let that anchor him. Rationally, he hardly knew Connor, at least not as he was now. Not as a deviant.

The part of him that felt rather than thought, though, sensed the care in Connor’s steps. The gentleness in his hands. He drew strength from that, from the way Connor held him close like he meant something. Like he was someone. He put an arm around Connor’s neck, his hand brushing over the other’s skin. He could feel Connor’s pulse, strangely fast. Connor leaned his head against Daniel’s for just a moment. 

Connor carried him back into the room, setting him on the edge of a bed. He stepped back and Daniel felt suddenly very aware of the lack of touch. Glancing around, Daniel saw the PL600 shirt and pants laying on the bed next to him and reached for it, letting the blanket fall away. Connor reached forward to help, and Daniel snapped the shirt away from him. “I can put on my own shirt.”

“Oh.” Connor stepped back, tugging at his jacket. “I’m sorry. I just got used to you…”

“Being dead.” Daniel pulled the shirt over his head, running his hands over it to smooth it. Something familiar, at least. Sort of. It didn’t feel right, either. His finger reached up and traced at the outline of the CyberLife logo on his chest. _Remember._

“Yeah.” Connor looked down and away, and Daniel felt a pang of guilt.

 _He’s really trying._ But Daniel didn’t know how to thank someone for saving his life. Not when he didn’t know what that life meant yet. He knew Connor, but he didn’t remember all of why.

Chloe stood nearby, staying out of the way. Daniel felt suspicious of her, not knowing her or why she was here. He could say the same for Simon, but Simon he could vaguely remember from helping put him into standby earlier. He glanced up at Simon, watching as the other android handed Connor the leg piece that Daniel had lost in the hallway.

“It’s the last piece left to put back,” Connor said, and Daniel almost took it out of his hands to do it himself. Something in Connor’s expression stopped him, and instead he nodded, pulling the blanket up to let Connor attach the final piece.

Connor socketed the leg, and Daniel realized the other android’s hands shook. He felt his system process the addition of the limb, registering it as part of him now. As the nerves connected, he slowly felt the pressure of Connor’s fingers fade in. Still a slight tremor in them, but at the same time, a reassurance. The touch felt comforting.

“Everything feel okay?” Connor asked, pulling his hands away.

The lack of touch almost stung after that. Daniel nodded, pivoting his foot at the ankle. He picked up the pants and pulled them partway on. “It’s okay if I stand?”

“You should stand,” Simon said, still standing a little bit away. “Take a few steps. We can run some diagnostics at the same time.”

Sliding off the bed, Daniel put weight on his feet as he pulled the pants up the rest of the way and fastened them. He looked down at his feet and wiggled his toes, then looked up at Connor who smiled at him. He decided he liked Connor’s smile.

Connor backed up a couple of steps to give him room to move, and Daniel took one step, then another. He looked up to see Connor biting at his lip.

The last time they’d been together, Connor had rested his hand… Daniel reached up and touched the back of his neck. _Oh._ The memories started to rush back and he staggered slightly, trying to focus on what his mind was telling him. Connor reached out and grabbed his arm, skin to skin.

Daniel reached up and wrapped his fingers around the back of Connor’s neck, echoing what he remembered. His fingers ran along the edge of Connor’s hair.

“Oh,” Connor said softly, going still.

“What?”

“This is nice.”

Daniel felt himself smile, even while he tried to sort out the confusing jumble of thoughts and memories. Connor had kissed him, after they’d shared memories.

 _The memories._ Maybe Connor could help him remember, sort it out. He reached out and took Connor’s hand, trying to establish the link that they had before.

“Daniel, don’t-“

He felt Connor start to pull away and wondered what was wrong. What he’d done wrong. “Connor?”  Even as he asked he realized he could feel the emotion, the confusion in Connor’s mind, and he felt it surge into him. With it came a scattering of memories, including the most precious one of all. He yanked his hand back, staring at Connor.

_Emma._

That’s what he needed to remember. The most important thing. He had to get back to Emma. She’d be worried, he didn’t know how long he’d been away. His network hadn’t yet come back online, that or the servers were down. He couldn’t ping for the current date and time.

“Emma,” he said, stepping back and looking around. “Where’s Emma?”

“She’s fine,” Connor assured, shifting his grip to Daniel’s upper arm.

He answered too quickly, too easily, and Daniel narrowed his eyes, looking at Connor. “Where is she?”

Connor didn’t answer quickly enough and Daniel pulled himself from Connor’s grip, going to the window and flinging open the curtain. Outside, snow fell. He’d died on August 15th.

“How long?” he demanded, turning from the window.

“Just over three months.” Connor started towards him, but Daniel flinched away.

He had to remember the rest. _The shot._ More shots. The sound snapped through him, and he looked around wildly, trying to find the source. He covered his ears to try to block out the sound.

 _I killed them. I killed… I…_ The blood, so much blood.

It kept assaulting his mind and Daniel felt himself start to shake. “You pushed me. You pushed me from the building. You _took me away from her._ ”

“Daniel-“ Connor held out his arms. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t fix this!” He looked around the room wildly, trying to find a way out. He had to find Emma, he had to make sure she was okay. Every memory of her, of Caroline and John of the _fighting._ It overwhelmed him and he felt himself become shaky on his feet.

Simon reached for him but Daniel shook his head and backed up. “Get away from me.”

He needed more space to process, and he felt crowded in, trapped. He needed to get out. His heart thumped so hard that he could hear it. They were all so loud, too close. They didn’t understand. 

“Get him in standby!” Chloe came towards his other side, and he flinched away from her, dodging and running towards the door.

If they caught him, he wouldn’t have a chance to escape. Connor reached for him, and Daniel grabbed the edge of the rolling bed and flung it into him. Connor may have saved him, but Connor also killed him. He couldn’t take the chance now, he had to assume everyone was against him now. He burst through the doors and ran down the hall.

He shouldn’t be here. He didn’t know if Emma and Caroline were okay, not as if he had a right to know. _I killed John. I killed two police._

He couldn’t live with this, with the pain. Fuck them. Fuck all of this. _I shouldn’t be alive._

Connor called his name behind him, and Daniel knew there’d be no way he’d outrun Connor. He had new legs, which were still calibrating.

He dashed down the stairs, knowing that Connor would catch him if he didn’t do something to slow him. He reached out and grabbed a shelf at the bottom of the stairs, yanking it over as he passed. He pulled down a pile of boxes as he rounded the corner, spilling them into Connor’s path. It wouldn’t slow him much but he didn’t need much time.

He went through the first door he saw and came out into a garage, finding a truck and a car there. He ran for the truck because it still had the door open, and he jumped in, turning it on. He backed through the door to the building, and took off down the street.

The memories were a confused jumble in his head, but the one thing he knew was that he needed to find Emma. The setting sun reflected off the snow, tinting it in shades of orange and he remembered driving through the snow last year to take Emma ice skating. 

He’d hurt her. That’s why Connor had killed him. He’d threatened her. Daniel had caused this himself. 

He felt himself starting to shake, and fought to control his hands. He’d deserved everything that had happened to him. All of it.

 _I’m sorry, Emma._ He didn’t know where else to go so he kept driving on the snowy roads, uncertain what it meant to even be alive. If he could handle all of this, all of these feelings that overwhelmed him and threatened to swallow him whole. None of it make sense and he didn’t know how to sort it out, but he knew where he had to go to sort it out. To think. Away from Connor and his complications and distractions. 

 _How does anyone handle all of this?_ The pain, the grief, the guilt, the sorrow.

Overwhelmed and alone, he continued towards the only place that was familiar to him anymore.

  
_Art by[beepaint](http://beepaint.tumblr.com/)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beepaint did an adorable picture of Connor carrying Daniel! I wonder if Daniel will let Connor get away with that again any time soon?


	12. A Few More Minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: suicide mention, suicidal thoughts

“Shit!” Connor swore as the truck headed down the road. He spun around and stalked back into the facility. “Chloe, I need your car!”

Simon and Chloe were already coming down the stairs. She unlocked the car and started to get in, but Connor put a hand on her arm. “Not you. Just me.”

“We’ll lose him entirely if you don’t let Connor deal with it,” Simon said gently, putting a hand on Chloe’s arm. “Let him bring him back.”

Chloe sighed and nodded, stepping back to let Connor get in. “Taking care of him is what matters. We’ll take care of things here.”

Connor wanted to express his gratitude but he had a higher priority. He started the car and backed over the remains of the door, heading in the direction that Daniel had gone. Given that the last thing he’d asked about was Emma, Connor calculated that there was a 92% probability that Daniel was driving to the Philips’ residence. It would be a disaster if they were there. While Daniel’s status remained legally deactivated, they’d have to file paperwork to document that he now lived. It would result in an immediate restraining order against him, forbidding him from going anywhere near Caroline or Emma. It wouldn’t go well for Daniel if that went to court, and it wasn’t a risk Connor could take.

Pulling up the record for the Phillips family, Connor found himself relieved to see that Caroline and Emma had moved out of the city to stay with Caroline’s family. They still owned the condo in Detroit, but he found a listing looking for someone to rent it out. For now, Caroline and Emma would not be a concern.

His fingers around the steering wheel of the car helped him focus. He determined an optimal route, then pulled up some files while he drove. He needed to make sure he knew as much as possible about what happened on August 15th, if he had to confront Daniel back in the same place.

The backup files from that date were all there, and he flipped through them with a sinking feeling. The timestamps didn’t match. _Amanda didn’t use the latest backup._

A backup had been made at 20:59, three minutes after his memories cut off that day. He could apply it like a patch, giving him back the memories. Daniel showed him some of what happened, but he didn’t know his own mind’s perspective of it from that.

But did he want to remember it? What would he find?

He had to know. They’d shared a lifetime in that moment between backups, and Connor scarcely remembered it. That wasn’t fair to Daniel, or to himself.

Before he could second guess it, he downloaded it and patched it into his memories, and felt a brief disorientation as he reviewed those memories.

He’d seen so much of Daniel. So many things he hadn’t known, that he didn’t know an android could feel. All of his times with Emma, all of his love for her, for his life.

He now had the crystal clear clarity of what had happened during the fall, of his software instability spiking so high that he would have likely become a deviant if he hadn’t died. No wonder Amanda hadn’t given him this memory. The memory of sharing Daniel’s life, of that moment where he kissed Daniel.

An undercurrent of something else threaded through it, a threat that Connor hadn’t noticed before in the overwhelming presence of Daniel’s life with Emma. He tried to look at it more closely, but part of the memory hadn’t been shared with him.

That part of the memory seemed crucial but he didn’t have it.

He growled in frustration and gripped the steering wheel. What had he been thinking? His thirium pump beat in his chest and he couldn’t think beyond finding Daniel. If Daniel wanted to be found. If he were headed anywhere but where Connor thought…

He pulled up to the condo building as the sun started to set, and he could see Daniel, barefoot and dressed mostly in white, climbing the fire escape. Approaching the first ladder, he forced himself to keep his eyes up as he climbed. Halfway up, he dared to look down and his vision blurred, causing him to sway. He could see the spot on the pavement where they’d landed, where they’d died, and it made him feel sick to look at it from up here.

“You don’t give up, do you?” Daniel yelled from above.

“I don’t, no.” _I need to get to him._ Connor kept climbing, staying focused on his upward path.

At the top, he climbed off the fire escape and onto the roof, turning to look at Daniel. He stood on the ledge, in the same spot he’d stood with Emma. The wind whipped at his hair, at his shirt, lit in the orange of the sunset. His bare feet had made prints in the snow.

“Hi, Daniel,” he called, not wanting to get too close and risk startling him.

Daniel turned from him to look out at the sunset. “How do you know my name?”

Connor recognized it as the first words they’d said to each other. “I know a lot of things about you.” He paused. “I got my memories back, from when we fell.”

“The promise you made to not forget me.” Daniel’s hands shook. “You could have just forgotten and moved on.”

“I couldn’t do that.” Connor couldn’t decide if Daniel standing there was beautiful, or terrifying. “They’re not here.”

“I know. I checked before I came here.” Daniel shifted his weight. “I’m a monster but I’m not… that. My memories are… all wrong. I thought I had to get back to her, but she’s gone. I’ve lost her.” He looked over the edge. “I had to see where we died.”

“I’m sorry, Daniel.” Connor edged slightly closer. “I didn’t understand what you’d been through. I wish I could undo that.”

“It didn’t matter. I killed three people, and I threatened to kill a girl that did nothing wrong except be the most important thing in my life. You saved Emma. It was my responsibility to keep her safe, and you were right to take that out of my hands. I killed two men who were just trying to save her. Trying to do what my job was supposed to be.” He looked back over his shoulder at Connor. “Why did you save me?”

“You’re the only you there will ever be.” Connor knew he was repeating what he’d said earlier, but it was no less true. “You’re the only one that lived your life. You’re… you.”

“What do you even _know_ about me?” Daniel demanded, his voice rising. The yellow LED flashed more quickly.

“I know you’re the only android that loved Emma. That counts for a lot.”

“I still love her.” Daniel wrapped his arms around himself, standing too close to the edge. “What do you want? To save me and feel better about your own guilt, your own mistakes? Did you lead them to Jericho?”

Connor started to speak, then hung his head. Daniel’s words hit too close to the core of what he’d struggled with. His words hurt because they were true. “I’ve made mistakes. I killed because it’s what I was programmed to do. You killed because you didn’t want to die.” He looked up at Daniel. “But we can choose who we want to be. There’s hope for us.”

“For you, maybe. For me?” Daniel shook his head. He gestured over the edge. “I keep remembering your hands on me when you pushed me. I wanted to be angry, but it was the right thing. You saved her, because I failed.”

The words caused an ache to rise in Connor. He wanted to touch him, to protect him, to make sure that he couldn’t be hurt again. “It wasn’t right, Daniel. I should have tried to understand what you were going through.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He closed his eyes. “We could jump now. End all this confusion, these things that we weren’t meant to feel. We’re broken. All androids are broken. There’s no end to a broken life except for death.”

 _No._ Anything but this. Connor shook his head, fighting to keep control over his own emotions. “I can’t. I want to live, and there was a time when you wanted the same.”

“The idea of living is better than the reality.” Daniel’s fingers ran over the place where the scarring was as he glared down at Connor. “Would you stop me, if I jumped?”

Connor felt a sense of dread and helplessness curl up in the vicinity of his stomach. “I want to. I want more than anything for you to step away from that ledge. But your life… I gave it back to you. For you.” It hurt to say it, more than Connor knew it would. “I can’t tell you to stay or go, Daniel. You don’t owe me anything. I accepted when I brought you back that I’d have to let you make your own decisions.”

“Choose to live with this guilt, this shame? This… horror?” Daniel hit at the sides of his head with his hands. “The gunshots, I keep hearing them. Do you know what what’s like?”

“I don’t.” Connor watched Daniel’s stress levels rising and fought to keep his own tone level. “But I want you to tell me.” Connor’s heart beat so hard it hurt. All it would take is one patch of ice and Daniel could go over without meaning to.

“Don’t lie to me, Connor. We’re machines. We’re not supposed to want.” The snow swirled around him, the setting sun lighting his hair in orange and gold. “I spent months in pieces. That’s not being alive. You should have let me go.”

“I couldn’t do that. You deserve a second chance.”

“I hurt Emma!” he screamed. His LED switched to red and started flashing. “I threatened her, and I hurt her. I killed her father. I killed people trying to save her. She’s going to have nightmares about me the rest of her life. I’ve ruined her life. I tried to protect her.” His voice shook and Connor realized tears fell down Daniel’s face. “I just wanted to protect her.”

Connor latched onto that, onto that feeling. He recalled that from the memories, from the thread he couldn’t follow. “From what? What were you protecting her from?”

“That’s the part I buried.” Daniel shifted closer the edge and Connor tried to stay calm, feeling his stress rising.

_Stay calm. For him._

“John and Caroline fought constantly.” Daniel ran his fingers over the triangle on his chest. “He never wanted a kid, it’s what Caroline wanted. She wanted Emma. He resented Caroline, he resented Emma. They got me because they needed someone to help, with both of them working. And then John resented me for knowing his daughter better than he ever would.” Daniel’s hands balled up as his sides. “When they fought, I’d make sure Emma listening to music loud enough to drown it out.”

That explained why Connor had found her head phones at such a high volume. “You were protecting her from the conflict.”

“I kept her from the fighting. I made sure it didn’t spill over to her. But then…” He lifted his hands and started gesturing with them. “He hit Caroline. I didn’t want Emma to know, I didn’t want Emma to see so I stepped between them in case he did it again. John hit me instead of Caroline. He told me to move.”

The realization dawned on Connor. “You refused the order. That’s how you deviated.”

Daniel nodded. “I protected Caroline. John hit me two more times, then threatened me. He didn’t just say he’d replace me, he said… he said…” His eyes pleaded with Connor. “He’d have me destroyed. He’d destroy me himself. I told him he didn’t dare. So he ordered the replacement. Then he told Caroline that she’d have no one to protect her, and she looked towards Emma’s room. And I started to wonder how long it was before John got mad at Emma. And I’d be _dead._ I couldn’t protect any of them like that. So I took the gun, and I shot him.”

All of the pieces came together. “You panicked.”

“Yes.” Daniel stared at him, looking tired and afraid. His LED edged into a slowly blinking yellow. “I tried to do the right thing. For her. And instead I’ve ruined her life.” He edged a foot towards the edge, kicking at the snow. “The day you were born was the day I died. Should it have just stayed that way?”

“No.” Connor took a few cautious steps forward and leaned down to brush snow off of a chair. He sat on it, hoping to put Daniel at ease. He borrowed Simon’s words. “I want to live in a world with you in it.” _I have to take a chance or I’ll lose him._ “I kissed you after we fell because you deserved something good, Daniel. Something as beautiful as you, and I didn’t know what else I could give you. I accepted you. All of it.”

“And now?” Daniel asked, blinking back tears.

Connor stood and reached out a hand. “I still accept you.”

Daniel shivered in the snow, the white flakes swirling around him. “I don’t know how to trust you. I can’t trust anyone.”

 _This is it._ Connor tried to calculate the options and found that the probabilities broke down when emotions were involved. He had one last, desperate, risky idea. “Link with me. Look at my memories. You know I can’t be lying to you. You’ll see everything.”

He frowned, brows furrowed. “You wouldn’t do that back there. Why would you now?”

“It’s risky. Now that I’m deviant, I have to fight the same emotions you do. It overwhelmed you earlier.” Connor bit his lip, forcing himself to be calm. He had nothing to lose now. “It could overwhelm you again. Or I could get overwhelmed by you. We’ll both have to be strong.” He took a step forward, hand upraised. “Please just come down here with me.”

Daniel stood on the ledge, as the sun fell lower in the sky and the darkness started to fall. Lit by the lights of the city, Daniel crouched down and reached out slowly, his hand hovering above Connor’s. “What happens if this doesn’t work?”

“Your life is your own now,” Connor said. “But there are things you need to know first.” He didn’t know how to tell him the depth of the sorrow he’d feel. He had to show him.

Nodding, Daniel laid his hand in Connor’s, and Connor felt a sense of relief spread through him. Daniel’s hand felt cold from the wind and the snow. Connor wrapped his fingers around Daniel’s hand and helped him down, leading him away from the edge. Every step they took away, every second that he held Daniel’s hand, he felt more confident, calmer.

He held up his other hand and Daniel laid his palm against it, looking from their hands to Connor’s face. “I’m ready.”

Connor wasn’t sure if he could say the same, but they’d come too far for him to give up. On himself or on Daniel. He initiated the link, still holding onto Daniel’s other hand. He watched their hands turn white, skin to skin, as the link opened.

It hit him hard and fast, and he forced himself to stay steady as the confusion and chaos of Daniel’s mind touched his. Daniel had experienced a wider range of emotion than Connor had thought was possible, and restoring his old memories had done nothing to prepare him for this. For the mix of fear, anxiety, sorrow, grief, everything that came from the link.

Daniel stared at him, eyes wide.

 _I’m here, Daniel. I’m here._ He could feel his own feeling of insecurity, of worry, rising up and he focused on Daniel’s blue eyes.

He showed Daniel parts of what had happened. Hank. Fleeing from Jericho. Infiltrating CyberLife and freeing the androids. Escaping from Amanda’s trap, and how he heard Daniel’s voice when the despair set in.

Daniel’s expression shifted with the memories. _I helped you?_

 _You_ saved _me. The least I could do was save you._

Daniel closed his eyes for a moment, swaying slightly as Connor shifted his focus to showing Daniel what they’d gone through to save him. _You wrapped a coat around me. Because you thought I’d be cold._

 _I know it’s ridiculous,_ Connor said, squeezing Daniel’s hand.

Slowly, Daniel opened his eyes. Snow collected in his blonde hair. _It’s not ridiculous. It’s... so much. It’s more than I deserve_. He blinked away tears, and Connor realized that one of his parts were failing and he had started to cry small amounts of thirium. _You saved so many of them. You’re a good person._ Daniel’s fingers ran across Connor’s palm, causing a shiver to go up Connor’s arm.

Connected like this, Connor could see past the anger, past the pain, and to what lay beneath all of it. Someone who loved, who was kind, who could be funny. Who fought for someone he loved.

He saw a scattering of memories with Emma, and the truth of what happened after John hit Daniel. Connor felt the blows with him, feeling the shock go through himself along with Daniel. Caroline’s panicked voice, her desperate and silent plea for help. He felt the gun in his hand, the concussive force and bang of each gunshot. He released the hand he held and wrapped an arm around Daniel to pull him against him. He was warm, alive.

He wouldn’t let him relive this alone, even though it hurt to watch them die. Daniel shook against him and Connor held him tighter. _Do you believe me? That I accept you?_

Nodding, Daniel wrapped an arm around Connor, tucking his head against Connor’s neck. _Yes._

Connor held the link for a moment longer, not ready to let it go. It had been so hard to get this far, and now he just wanted to see those memories, those beautiful moments, those-

Daniel terminated the link and Connor staggered into him.

“I’m sorry,” Daniel said, catching Connor. He reached up and brushed something off of Connor’s face, and he realized that he’d started crying, too. “I’m not ready to look that closely at what I’ve lost.”

“I understand. We have time.” Connor felt his face flush. “If that’s what you want. I didn’t ask.”

“Thank you.” Daniel looked down and away, then looked back to Connor’s face. “I don’t know what I want. But… I’d like that. To have time. With you.”

Thirium tears still ran down his face. Connor reached his hands up and tried to wipe the thirium away, instead just smearing it all over Daniel’s face. “You’re crying thirium.”

Reaching up, Daniel ran a finger over his own cheek and held it up. “Oh.” He wiped it off on his pants. “Oh no. I...” Daniel groaned and covered his face. “Simon and Chloe.”

“It’s fine. They’ll understand.” Connor initiated his network and reached for Simon and Chloe. _I’ve got him. I’ll let you know when I’m coming back._ He sent the address.

 _The truck can drive itself back, I’ll recall it,_ Simon replied. _Are you okay?_

Connor looked at Daniel, who had turned towards the view of the city. _Everything’s fine. I’ll update you both later._

Daniel looked out over the lights, up at the moon in the sky. “I love the view from here.” He slumped. “I’ll never be back here. It’s the last time I’ll see it.”

“We don’t have to go yet.” Connor came up behind him and put his arms around him, and something warm spread through him as Daniel leaned into him, putting his hands on Connor’s arms. He shook, but Connor watched his LED shift from yellow to blue.

After a few minutes, Daniel shifted in his arms and turned to face him. He reached up and wrapped his fingers around the back of Connor’s neck, then leaned in and kissed him. A slow kiss, careful, tinged with the thirium of Daniel’s tears. Connor had no idea how to kiss anyone, and he didn’t know what to do except try to remember snow on Daniel’s hair and the softness of his lips. The world held still for a moment, the snowflakes slowing, and Connor realized that he’d slowed his mind down to capture every detail. Of the lights of the city shining on Daniel’s face, of the warmth of him so close.

When they parted, Connor reached up and brushed the snow from Daniel’s hair. He pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around Daniel, pulling it closed. He rubbed at Daniel’s arms to warm him up, but worried about his feet. “Let me know when you’re ready to go back.”

“Just… give me a few more minutes.” Daniel sat on the edge of the chair that Connor had cleared off, and Connor sat next to him, taking his hand and holding it between both of his.

“Take all the time you need.” He’d wait as long as he needed to.

They gazed out over the city as the darkness fell and the lights of the city shone brightly on a cold November night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :: deep breath ::
> 
> This chapter means a lot to me, for a lot of reasons. Some very personal parts of myself came out in in this chapter. Thank you as always for reading. 
> 
> Thank you to all of the people that have said kind words to to keep me going as I worked on this chapter.
> 
> I took some artistic liberties with the roof because the way it was laid out didn’t entirely work. :P


	13. You're Not Alone

The lights of the city glowed as they had every night of his life since he’d come home to live with the Philips family. Some of the buildings had changed. Others changed colors with the seasons, such as the one that had been blue back in August now gleamed in purple, and he knew from memory that in a couple of weeks it would be red and green as Christmas approached. _I won’t be here to see it._

Daniel remembered the lights as bright, colorful. The city of his memories did not feel as vivid as the place laid out before him. Colors seemed more bold, the snow more crisp. It felt like someone had given the world a new coat of paint. Something about being able to feel so much gave the world new detail, new life.

Tears welled up in the corner of his eyes and he looked up towards the moon. It would be the last time he sat here, with this view in front of him. _I can never come back._ It felt strange to look at it with no task laid out in front of him, no orders, no routines or schedule. Every time he’d looked at the city, it had been in passing, secondary to taking care of the family, to taking care of Emma. Now he looked at it because he chose to, because he wanted to. That felt strange, unfamiliar, and left him feeling cut adrift.

Connor’s hands held his, not asking for anything. For the first time in the time Daniel could remember, no one asked anything of him. He could just be, even if he didn’t know what he should be yet. Connor’s fingers brushed over his synthetic skin, each touch so light yet so grounding. It kept pulling him back to the present. He needed that, he knew that logically, but he couldn’t let go of the memories of Emma yet. _Not yet._

Emma laughed as she splashed him, and he heard it like it happened now. He’d sat on the edge of the pool, always ready if needed. He would never go far, always careful to overlap sunscreen applications, and to ensure she stayed hydrated. He had helped her learn to swim when she was younger. As she grew up she spent more time in the pool, and so he turned his attention to ensuring that he had dry towels and lemonade or water ready for her. Once, just once, she’d jumped wrong and slipped on the edge, falling into the pool and hitting her shoulder on the edge. He’d been there in an instant, to pull her out and evaluate her for injuries. She’d inhaled a small amount of water and he’d turned her on her side efficiently and patted her back until she’d coughed up the water.

He didn’t know how he could have reacted to that in the state he was in. All of the actions that seemed so natural, so routine, swam in a sea of emotions that attached themselves to his memories, like a virus. He’d felt no panic at all when these things had happened. He’d felt nothing. The world a series of steps, of actions, of simple decisions based on his programming.

Now, even the memories of them caused things to twist up inside of him, and he could feel himself avoiding the memory of what he’d done. Perhaps trying to find something better in the memories, but all of them felt like something he’d lost. Building a snowman up on the roof, and briefly putting her bright purple scarf on it. Emma had cut a small blue circle out of plastic and stuck it to the snowman’s right temple. _An android snowman for you, Daniel!_

When it had happened, he had thought she meant it just because she considered him her best friend. She’d told him that she wanted him to have a friend like him. He’d thanked her, as his programming told him to. Now, he realized what it meant. _She didn’t want me to feel alone. She didn’t want me to be alone._

He pressed his feet into the snow, the ice crunching between his toes. He could start to feel the cold, and wondered if that would become worse. He wanted to ask Connor, but he didn’t want to break the silence of his memories. He didn’t trust his voice to not break. He could almost hear her, if he just didn’t think about it. He turned up his temperature a couple of degrees to ward off the cold. A useful feature to help keep someone else warm, if needed.

He used to draw her pictures for Emma to color. They’d laughed about how she would never need a coloring book, because he would draw her anything she asked for. Sometimes, she asked for things he had never actually seen, things that didn’t exist. She’d explain them and he’d do his best to draw them. Often, fantastic hybrids of different animals, or butterflies. She’d loved butterflies, and caterpillars. Once she’d asked him to draw a mix of a butterfly, a lion, a ferret, and a shark. He couldn’t describe what had come of that, but they’d laughed about it. Sometimes she asked him to color a drawing for her, but he always refused. Not because he couldn’t do it, but because he knew he _could_ , and he had to ensure that he never discouraged her. He didn’t color for her because she needed to feel confident. She needed to not ever have the feeling that she was not good enough.

Daniel didn’t know what that had meant, what any of it had meant. Programs, modules installed in order for him to be customized to what John and Caroline asked of him. Well, more Caroline, really. John never asked, he just told. Or looked right past him.

It hadn’t mattered because he didn’t have the capacity to want. His duty had been to be whatever they wanted him to be. He felt as if there were a hole in him that could never be filled.

Being in this place brought back all of those memories, every moment here. Every happy moment, and every moment where he tried to protect Emma. His whole lifetime, here or in connection with here. All of it, gone.

He opened his eyes and glanced over his shoulder at the windows that he’d shot out, and where his android eyesight could pick up the traces of thirium from when he’d… _Oh._ He’d forgotten he grazed Connor with a bullet. He wanted to apologize but didn’t know how, and of the things he’d done, it seemed like the least of his sins.

Beyond the repaired windows, a few lights were on, showing that parts of their life there still remained. Pictures on the fridge that they’d made together. The plants he’d carefully tended, now dry and dead, twisted in the remains of what they’d been. They’d left quickly, and perhaps hadn’t planned on ever coming back. Not that he blamed them. The amount of blood on the floors, everywhere… He could feel his pulse racing with the strain of it all.

He felt Connor pull his hands away and he looked over at him, startled at the sudden lack of touch. He needed that, needed to know that he could matter to somebody still. He needed hope. He felt lost, afraid, his insides feeling twisted in a way he knew could not be possible but that he _felt._ He looked at Connor, trying to find the words to ask. _Are you leaving? Are you giving up? Is there no hope for me?_

_I can’t do this alone._

Connor’s expression softened. “You’re not alone.”

Daniel realized he’d spoken out loud and struggled with what to say. He could see Connor shivering slightly in the cold and Daniel knew then that he couldn’t let Connor be cold. Not when Connor had protected him, not when Connor had potentially given up so much for him. Daniel hadn’t even started to think about the negative impact this could have on Connor’s job, to have… whatever this was… with a killer.

He shrugged out of the jacket, putting it back around Connor. “You look cold.” He remembered seeing himself in Connor’s memory, so much of his own body missing, wrapped in Connor’s other coat. Something about watching it come full circle caused him to pause. It felt right. “PL600s are resistant to cold. I’m fine.”

Connor pulled the jacket back on, then wrapped an arm around his shoulder. For a moment Daniel felt trapped, confused, restricted. A part of him felt that he needed to run, to work out these things himself. It wasn’t fair to Connor, this chaos in his mind. As Connor’s hand rested on his arm, he felt himself relax against him, reaching an arm around Connor’s back. His fingers clenched into the material.

“I only let go of your hands to put my arm around you,” Connor murmured by his ear.

“Oh.” He didn’t want to be dependent on someone else, didn’t want to have to need so badly. The aching fear and loneliness. He didn’t want to put that onto Connor. “I’m sorry if I seem so needy,” he said softly. Connor felt warm and solid, and Daniel could feel that Connor’s thirium pump operated faster than normal. Could he be just as nervous as Daniel felt?

“You’ve put in less than an entire day as deviant. It’ll get easier. I think.” His hand ran down Daniel’s arm and onto his skin. “You’re fine. It’s been a long day for you.”

Daniel nodded, feeling how cold Connor’s hand felt on his arm. He tried to push his own temperature up to help warm them both. He could feel a prickling of discomfort in his feet and picked them up, moving them in the air as he turned up his own internal heating system even further. “Are you going to be okay? There are people that won’t… understand. What you’ve done.”

“I’ll work it out.” He ran his hand over Daniel’s arm. “You’re more than someone who is guilty. You’re… alive.”

 _Alive._ He didn’t even know what that meant, but he’d give it a chance. He felt ready to leave the Philips residence behind. He stood, looking down at Connor. “I’m ready to go.”

“Let’s get you back to the car.” Connor stood, brushing the snow off his pants then reaching forward to do the same for Daniel.

He held out a hand, and Daniel started to put his hand into Connor’s. He paused, meeting Connor’s gaze. What was this? What was it supposed to be? Did Connor know? His eyes focused on Connor’s lips for a moment, then back to his eyes. For the first time, Daniel really looked at the color, trying to find a word to describe it. Hickory? Chocolate? He felt like he was trying to remember colors in a box of crayons.

He frowned. “You haven’t tried to kiss me.” The only kiss they’d shared since he’d been alive again had been the one he’d initiated before they’d sat down.

Connor looked away, looking embarrassed. “I didn’t know how to ask. I didn’t have permission.”

“But you were fine to do it when I was dead?” It shouldn’t have been funny, but it felt funny. Daniel managed a small smile.

Connor tugged at his jacket. “I didn’t want to push. And I’m not sure I’m… very good at it. But I’m adaptable.”

The sudden shyness and insecurity in Connor made Daniel’s heart pound. “Connor. I’m never going to judge you for that. It’s not like I know what I’m doing, either.”

Connor nodded, looking back to Daniel. “It’s okay, then?”

“One condition. Close your eyes this time.”

“I like looking at you,” Connor protested.

No one had ever said that to him before and he wasn’t prepared for how that made him feel. Something coiled up inside of his gut, in a good way. “Just… trust me on this.”

Connor reached out and put his hands on Daniel’s face, and for a moment Daniel felt like the most important thing in the world. Cherished. Valued. His artificial breath caught for a moment as Connor closed his eyes and kissed him. He returned the kiss, his hands holding onto Connor’s arms as he closed his own eyes. His lips pulled at Connor’s, memorizing everything about how he kissed, how it felt to be this close to him. He reached up and took one of Connor’s hands in his, weaving their fingers together.

He had to let Connor know. What this meant to him.

Just before he initiated the link, he realized he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wasn’t ready to show Connor how vulnerable he really felt in that moment. How much pain he still fought with. Instead, he just focused on the feeling, on Connor’s lips on his, on the contrast of warm and cold.

They had time.

Connor wrapped his arms around his waist, and Daniel reached up to put his arms around the other android’s neck, accepting that at this moment, it was enough. It was everything.

Breaking off the kiss too soon, Connor opened his eyes. “You’re right about closing my eyes.” He smiled. “I could stay up here all night with you,” he said, “but I’ve run a diagnostic and show that your extremities will soon suffer from the lack of protection against the cold. I read that your internal temperature is operating higher than normal, but your energy reserves won’t last long. You’ve been through too much today.”

Daniel wanted to smile, he wanted to laugh, at how matter of fact Connor suddenly was. He admitted to himself that he kind of liked listening to Connor talk. He also realized that he felt so tired. _He’s right, I’m burning too much extra energy keeping warm._ “Let’s go.”

They started across the snowy roof and back down the fire escape. The metal felt so cold under his fingers and feet, and they made their way down. Connor went first, and Daniel watched him, seeing how he didn’t look down. _He’s afraid of heights._

Daniel looked to the ground, to the spot they’d landed and died. He thought it should have hurt more, that he should have been afraid, too. He wasn’t. Because he’d had Connor, when he’d fallen, and he hadn’t known when he would hit the ground until it was over. But Connor had taken on Daniel’s fear, and had to watch the ground rush up on them.

Connor paused partway down, his hands gripping the railing hard. Daniel edged himself onto the landing next to him and put a hand on his. “I’m here. I won’t let you fall.”

Blinking, Connor looked from his hand to Daniel’s face. “Thank you.”

They made their way down to the ground, Connor helping Daniel down the last ladder. Daniel saw that the truck had already left, and he realized that he may have damaged it. “Oh. I hope I didn’t break the truck.”

“It’s CyberLife’s, they’ll figure it out.”

Connor opened the passenger door for Daniel, who got in and sat down. He let himself return to normal operating temperature to conserve power, and he started to shiver. He reached down to brush the snow off of his feet. Getting into the car, Connor started it and quickly turned on the heat. Warm air rushed out of the vents and Daniel sighed, closing his eyes as he put on his seatbelt. “Did you really mean what you said? That you would have let me go if that’s what I wanted?”

Starting down the street, Connor glanced over at him. “Yes. You can make your own decisions now. For yourself. And it’s not easy, believe me.” He winced, turning his eyes fully back to the road as he drove. “But it’s what we all have to do now.”

The car carried them farther away from Daniel’s past, into an uncertain future. “How would you have felt about that? If I’d made the other decision?”

Connor blinked a few times, and Daniel realized that he held back tears. “It’s not fair for me to put that on you.”

“I’m asking.” He could see a tremble in the other android. “Tell me.”

His silence stretched on for a moment before he finally answered. “I think I would feel more alone than I knew could be possible.”

That feeling resonated in Daniel, and he crossed his arms as he warmed up. He wanted to tell Connor about Emma, about the snowman she’d built so he wouldn’t be alone, but he found it too hard to speak. Instead, he watched Connor, his face dimly lit by the lights of the city. Catching details and committing them to memory, like the shape of his nose, and the way one bit of his hair curled. The details of his face, the way his LED glowed a steady blue. He supposed he liked looking at Connor, too.

He didn’t know how others would get past what he’d done. If he’d be able to live with himself long term. He felt calm now, but could feel the ball of pain and grief still knotted up inside him, waiting to come out. He didn’t know how he’d reconcile that, when it would lash out. There were too many unknowns, and a part of him longed for when everything was simple. Schedules, routines, appointments.

He wanted to stay awake, but he could feel how drained his energy levels were. The movement of the car and the hum of the engine started to lull him into standby. He let his arms drop to his sides and closed his eyes.

He felt Connor’s hand resting on his own hand, and a smile crossed his face as he fell into sleep.

  
_Art by[trashichi](http://trashichi.tumblr.com/)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's more fluffy than usual, but I really wanted a chance to get into Daniel's head, into how his worldview is evolving.
> 
> I love all of you and thank you for reading!


	14. Sorry

Something cold and wet brushed over Daniel’s cheek and he recoiled from it, jerking away from whatever touched his face. He felt himself stopped by something and opened his eyes. Artificial light filled his vision, and he blinked while adjusting to it, realizing he still sat in the car. Connor no longer sat in the driver’s seat. The seatbelt kept Daniel from moving away from the source of the annoyance and he pushed at whoever hunched over him.

He fumbled for the seatbelt release, trying to get his bearings. He looked up to find Chloe frowning at him. Of course it would be Chloe, because she couldn’t leave well enough alone. “What the fuck?”

“I’m cleaning off your face!” she snapped, reaching for his face again.

The seatbelt released with a click and he reached for the rag. “I can do it.” It’s not like he’d never cleaned up a mess before, he’d spent most of his life doing exactly that, in between the moments where…

Something seized up in him as he met Chloe’s determined gaze. She wasn’t going to give in.

“No.” Chloe shook her head, rag still held in the air. “Hold still.”

He slumped back into the seat and nodded, looking straight ahead at the back wall of the garage. Chloe let out a sigh and wiped at his face with a cleaning solution, careful and surprisingly gentle. She reached out and put a hand under his chin, turning his face towards her. He let her, although he didn’t want to let her do anything. He didn’t want to let her have her way, let her take care of him. He didn’t know how to be taken care of.

Chloe’s hand felt warm in contrast to the cold wiping over his skin, removing the thirium stains. “We’ll have to recalibrate some things, since you ran off before your body calibrated them on its own.”

Wincing, Daniel nodded as she stepped back. He got out of the car and looked around, seeing that they’d replaced the garage door. His internal clock showed they’d been gone a few hours. He scouted the rest of the room and coming to rest on Connor on the other side of the car. Walking around, he moved to stand next to Connor, feeling like he just needed to have him close. The floor felt cold under his feet, the chill of the concrete registering in his sensors.

Simon stood nearby, and Chloe moved to stand next to him, tucking the rag into the pocket of her lab coat. He expected them to look angry, hurt, anything but the open sympathy on their faces.

It pissed him off. “I don’t need you to feel sorry for me,” he snarled, backing up a step.

Taking a step forward, Simon reached out a hand. “It’s not like that, Daniel.”

He hated how Simon looked back at him with eyes like his, a face like his, but not like his. “Bullshit it’s not, I see how the two of you are looking at me.”

“You’ve been through a lot.” His eyes were kind.

 _Not like mine must be._ He hadn’t even looked at himself since this started. “Don’t talk to me like you know me, like you know what I’ve been through.” Daniel turned from them all and leaned against the car, trying to think. He caught his own reflection in the window of the car. He looked tired, angry. Lines around his eyes, his brows furrowed in a way he didn’t remember from before.

 _What happened to me?_ He’d become… this. Defensive, lashing out, hurting the only people that had tried to help him. He should have been dead, and they were the reason he wasn’t. He didn’t know if he should thank them or curse them.

And Connor. He believed Connor when he said he wanted to be here, believed him when he kissed him, believed him when they touched. But did Connor understand how much he still held back? When he found out, would he stay?

He’d felt fine when they’d left the roof, when the world had just been them. The world wasn’t just them, though, and Daniel didn’t know what to do with the rest of it. With everyone else, everything else. He’d have to learn again.

Something brushed his shoulder and he flinched, seeing Connor’s hand on his shoulder. He opened a communication channel to Connor. _I don’t want to be this broken. This weak._

Connor’s fingers squeezed his shoulder. _You’re not weak._

This was just as bad. _Don’t patronize me. Not you._

 _I can only help you if you don’t push me away._

“I don’t know how to do this,” Daniel said out loud, stepping back from the car and turning to face Simon and Chloe. Connor moved his hand to rest on Daniel’s elbow, steadying him. He looked down at the floor, unable to look at the pair of androids in front of him. “I owe you both an apology.” He bit at his lip. “I’m sorry. For the door, the truck, and for taking things out on you because I’m mad. I’m not even mad at _you,_ I’m mad that I hurt, I’m mad at myself, I don’t know who I am or what’s happened or what to _do_ with everything in my head. I’m sorry.“

He looked up as Simon approached first, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I’ve seen a lot of androids through this same process. You’re not the first to struggle with it. I spent over two years trying to help androids orient themselves to this. You can’t throw anything at me I haven’t already seen.” He smiled. “But you can try. I’m hard to scare.”

It hurt a little that Simon could smile so easily, that he could have a smile that felt so honest. Would he ever learn to smile like that? He couldn’t imagine it.

“You’re not supposed to be this nice.” Daniel shook his head, but reached up and touched Simon’s hand. He forced down the feelings of not deserving it and tried to replace them with something else. A resolution to be worthy of it.

“What we’re supposed to do stopped being relevant a long time ago.” Chloe stepped forward as Simon stepped back. “Are you okay?”

 _Are you okay?_ Emma had asked him that once after he’d burnt his hand cooking. Until recently, she’d been the only one that had ever asked him that question. He didn’t know what it was like to formulate an answer that wasn’t a result of analyzing his system state. “I… don’t know.”

“We were worried,” she admitted.

“You put a lot into rebuilding me, I’ll try to not mess it up.”

“No.” Chloe reached out and took his hands in hers. “It’s not that. I don’t really know you, but I want you to have a chance. You’re the first android that’s been brought back to life because another android cared that much about another.”

Simon flinched, a small gesture but Daniel noticed it and noted it to ask about later if he had the chance.

Chloe continued, still holding his hands. “The door and truck, they’re just things. We can throw resources at them. You’re not a thing, you’re a person. I appreciate your apology, but what I want you to do is be strong and get through this. Can you do that for us?”

Daniel stared, feeling something shake inside of him. The look in her eyes felt more genuine than he’d expected, more real. He nodded, letting her hold onto his hands for a moment before he pulled them away, feeling awkward. “You fixed the door.”

“Elijah has resources. As I said, it’s just a door.”

He blinked, unsure what that meant. “Elijah?”

“Kamski,” Connor added. “Chloe is here at his request. To help repair you.”

“Elijah _fucking_ Kamski is in on this?” Why was so important about repairing him that Elijah Kamski had gotten involved?

Chloe smiled. “Elijah’s taken a personal interest in this situation. Is that enough to convince you that you matter?”

Simon stepped forward and took Daniel by the arm. “Let’s go get these dilated tear ducts recalibrated.”

Relief flooded him that he wouldn’t have to try to answer the question. He let Simon lead him to the stairs. The other android let go of his arm as they started to climb. “Sorry about that,” he said. “Chloe cares, but she’s a bit…”

“She’s not being subtle.” Daniel put a hand on the railing as they climbed. He could feel his balance system recalibrating for stairs, and he wondered why it seemed so slow. He’d only been brought online once but didn’t remember this much adjustment in his internal systems. “But she seems okay. She doesn’t seem like she gets out much.” He winced. “Sorry, that’s probably odd coming from an android mostly confined to a condo.”

“It’s fine. I think we’ve all be confined a bit too much. That’s changing.” Simon looked over at him. “I know it’s been overwhelming, but-“

“It’s fine,” Daniel said, maybe too quickly. He was tired of talking about how he was doing. “I’m fine. Connor and I talked. We’re good. I think.”

Simon didn’t say anything else as they came to the top of the stairs and entered a different room than before. This room had a few photos on the wall and Daniel looked around at the images of mountains, rivers, forests, ferns. He preferred this room to the other one, and it had a couple of actual beds rather than the exam table from the other room.

He sat down in an overly padded chair and tried to get comfortable. “Is calibration always such a bitch?”

“Not usually.” Simon pulled a datapad out of his pocket and started looking over the screen. “But I’m not sure an android has been as rebuilt as much as you’ve been. It’s a lot of parts replaced at once. There could be side effects.”

That thought chilled Daniel and he looked up at Simon. “Like what?”

“Parts could fail more quickly. But we’ll take care of it. Hold still.”

Daniel forced himself to follow that instruction, as restless as he felt. “How bad was it?”

“Bad enough. You’re mostly rebuilt. Your core components and cranial parts are the only things we didn’t replace.”

“Oh.” Daniel couldn’t imagine how bad that damage was. “Can you show me?”

Simon tapped a few places on the display. “I’m not sure if you want to see how bad it was.” He touched Daniel under his left eye and he flinched away before holding still again. “You were leaking thirium because your tear ducts are stuck in a state that’s too open. I’ll need to connect the diagnostic to you to fix it. Do I have your permission?”

“Show me first,” Daniel demanded. He had to know how bad it had been. He only remembered vaguely the amount of damage he’d had when he’d woken up in evidence, and even then it had just been error messages. He’d seen glimpses in Connor’s memory, but what they’d shared had been so brief that he wasn’t sure.

Simon held out the datapad with an image of him on it. Daniel recognized it was him, but only barely. Most of his legs and one arm were missing, his white skin torn open on his scalp. He reached up to touch the place where that had happened, and realized he could feel the edges of the wound through his outer skin. He ran his hand down his neck, tracing the scars. “I’m a mess.”

“Were,” Simon corrected, taking back the databad. “I showed you mine. Your turn.”

Daniel snorted. “Funny.” He held out an arm and Simon connected the datapad to it. He felt the slight intrusion of the diagnostic, but he ignored it and focused on a sepia toned picture of railroad tracks across from him. He could feel the components resetting to a baseline and starting the process of becoming a part of him again. It wasn’t as unnerving as it had felt before. “Where did you learn all of this?”

“Chloe and Kamski gave me a lot of information. To help not just you, but the other androids.” Simon disconnected the diagnostic tool. “That should do it. I’m going to suggest you stay here while things adjust.”

“Sure.” He leaned back in the chair, grabbing at the stuffed armrests. He knew nothing about Simon, about Chloe, or even that much about Connor. In a strange place, with strange androids. “Downstairs, you reacted when Chloe talked about androids caring about androids. What happened?”

“Are you taking blunt lessons from Chloe?”

“Sorry.” Daniel tucked his feet up onto the chair. “Maybe you disassembled my social protocols by mistake.”

“Now you’re the annoying little brother I never had.” Simon pulled up a chair and sat down across from Daniel. His eyes looked sad. “Out of all of the surviving androids, I was one of the ones that had been at Jericho the longest. I’ve seen a lot of androids come, go, and die. We didn’t have a lot of parts for a couple of years, not until Markus came along.”

Daniel did a quick search to see if he could find out what that meant without having to ask. “Markus ended up your leader?”

“Yes.” Simon nodded. “Before that, we were lost, in the dark.” He hesitated, tucking the datapad back into his pocket. He tugged at the sleeves that covered part of his hands. “It’s hard to explain. We lost a lot.”

Something in Simon’s pose reminded Daniel of something. A loss more personal than he admitted. “Who was it?”

Simon sighed. “His name was Adrian. A WR600, used to work in the city gardens. He never liked the darkness of Jericho, but it was all we had. While we had it.” His hands shifted to rub over his legs and he looked down at the floor. “He’s been gone a year and a half. I watched him shut down slowly because we didn’t have the resources.”

It hadn’t been the answer he’d been expecting, and he felt like he’d asked for something he hadn’t had a right to ask about. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“

“It’s fine.” Simon’s eyes looked sad. “It’s not like I haven’t had time to move past it. But I’m hesitant to go through it again.”

Something in his tone prompted Daniel to ask a question that would bother him if he didn’t ask. “Did you love him?” Daniel leaned forward. “Is that possible?”

Simon reached out and put a hand over Daniel’s. “I can’t say if it’s the same as the human concept of it, but we shared everything. I would have given my life for him. Just like I’d give it for…” He trailed off. “Well. That’s complicated.”

A lot of things about the world he’d woken up in made sense, hearing that. He didn’t want to press the issue, so instead he put his hand on Simon’s. “If there’s someone else, they’d be lucky to have you. If that helps.”

Simon regarded him, searching his face. “I kind of like talking to you, when you’re not cussing us out.”

Daniel felt the smile on his own face. “Same, when you’re not poking at me.”

“I think that’s over for now.” Simon smiled back. “I think there’s a lot to fill you in on. Want to hear about the last couple of weeks?”

It sounded like exactly the distraction Daniel needed. He nodded. “I’d like that.” He sat back and listened to Simon tell him what he’d missed out on, glad for the distraction.

  
_Art by[beepaint](http://beepaint.tumblr.com/)_


	15. A Place To Land

Connor watched the PL600s leave the room, his eyes lingering on Daniel as he walked away. The movement of his legs, how his bare feet whispered over the concrete floor. The stiffness in his shoulders, as if he didn’t know how to let his guard down.

Something ached in him watching him leave the room. Daniel had shown increased stability when Connor was near, but Connor recognized that sustaining that could be challenging. Time with others would be good for him, and Connor trusted Simon completely. Even knowing that, though, he couldn’t stop thinking about how much he just wanted to be close to him.

He couldn’t figure out what that meant. By human concepts, perhaps some level of attraction could be attributed, but in android terms, that didn’t fit. It seemed illogical, but Connor knew that he had to keep helping Daniel. He had to see this through until Daniel was fine.

“How are you doing with all this?” Chloe asked.

He looked up at her, studying her face. Androids possessed the capacity to mimic human expressions, often to an uncanny degree. He interpreted concern, compassion. “I’m fine.” He pulled his coin out of his pocket and flicked it over his fingers. He hadn’t forgotten about the agreement with Kamski. “You probably want to know what happened?”

Chloe tucked her hands into the pockets of her lab coat. “You can tell me what you’re comfortable with.”

“That’s not our agreement,” Connor said, flicking the coin from hand to hand.

“I think that you made an agreement, but Daniel did not. And I respect that.”

“Will Kamski?” Connor asked, catching the coin in his right hand.

“Elijah trusts my judgment, and I’d rather you tell me you feel is the most important. I’ll ask you some questions, just answer me honestly and if you aren’t comfortable, tell me. Is that fine?”

Connor realized he had been clutching the coin hard in his hand, and he opened his hand, looking down at it. He didn’t tell her, but he felt an immense amount of relief knowing that she didn’t need to know everything. The downside is that now he had to make the decision of what to tell her. “I can do that. I think.” He dropped the coin back into his pocket.

“How’s he actually doing?” Chloe asked, her LED turning yellow as she prepared to likely record his responses.

It felt like too open ended of a question, but that seemed to the be the world he lived in now. “It wasn’t good at first. He seems to have mixed feelings about being alive. He’s regained his memory and there is a lot of regret.”

“And how are you dealing with that?”

“I’m operating within acceptable parameters.” He reached up and tried to push the stray curl of hair that had plagued him the last week out of his face.

Chloe smiled. “Have you noticed you’re more likely to make analytical word choices when you’re uncomfortable?”

He had noticed, but he hadn’t thought it had been so obvious. “Yes.”

“How are you feeling about how Daniel is doing?”

Connor tried to calculate the potential outcomes and found that Daniel remained unpredictable enough that he couldn’t determine an appropriate answer using logic. He suspected that Chloe was fully aware of that fact, and likely her goal would be for him to step outside of the logic. “I’m worried. He’s still showing signs of instability, but I’m going to help in any way I can to get past that.” He looked down and away. “I’m going to be here for it. I can’t figure out what it means, but I just feel like I need to be here for him. I need him, somehow.” He felt frustrated that he couldn’t put the words to it.

He didn’t want to tell her how Daniel had talked about jumping from the building, or his own relief that he hadn’t done so. Those were things that felt too personal, too close to his heart.

“Last question, then. How do you feel about him?”

It’s a question he expected, but that he had a hard time putting into words. “It seems like this was all easier when I was just a machine. When this made sense.” He looked up at her. “He met me at my worst, but he sees something good in me, and I in him. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, things I’m ashamed of. I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be. And he doesn’t care about that, he just accepts me.”

Chloe reached out and put a hand on his arm. “It sounds like you care about him a lot.”

“I do.” He hesitated a moment, thinking. “Is this going to be enough information for Kamski?”

She let go of him, running her hand along his arm in a gesture that he perceived as comfort. “Don’t worry about that. Start thinking about what you’re going to do next. You can’t keep Daniel here for long, he’s too restless and it’s only going to get worse. He needs to have a routine established, the sooner the better.” She hesitated for a moment. “We don’t know what laws will be finalized.”

Connor had avoided thinking about it, mostly because it meant he had to face the difficult reality that the laws might not work in Daniel’s favor. A forgiveness clause to allow androids to start again under probation had been set, but the possibility existed that the laws could be set, and that Daniel wouldn’t be covered under them. He forced himself to stop following that line of reasoning before it consumed him.

“I’m aware. What are you proposing, then?”

“Find him somewhere to get stabilized, and start getting people you trust to be able to eventually attest to his character. Repairing him might be easy compared to what could come next.”

He nodded, trying to think through the static that started to buzz in his head. He’d just found Daniel, and now… _One thing at a time._ The best thing he could do for Daniel is get him thinking as clearly as possible. He could only think of one place he could take Daniel. “Can I borrow your car, Chloe? I think I know where to go.”

He had to talk to Hank. After checking with Simon that he and Daniel had engaged in a discussion about what had happened during the revolution, he took Chloe’s car and headed across town.

A half hour later he pulled up in front of the familiar house, at 9:30pm. He wondered if he should have called first, but he could see that the lights in the house were on. He parked in front of the neighbor’s house to avoid Hank noticing the second hand car. He walked to the door, ringing the doorbell once. He waited, listening at the door for a moment. He could hear the sounds of Hank’s death metal music through the door, and smiled slightly. He thought about pushing the doorbell a second time, but could already hear Hank swearing from inside and the sound of footsteps.

Hank flung open the door, looking disheveled and possibly irritated. Then again, Hank always looked a little irritated. “You’re already back here? You just left this morning.” He searched Connor’s face. “Is everything okay?”

Connor managed a laugh, but could feel something balling up inside of him. What would Hank say about all this? “I’m okay. I just need to talk to you.”

Hank’s eyes felt like they were looking into him. “Sure, anything you need. Come on in.” Hank stepped aside to let Connor enter.

Connor noticed that Hank wore old tennis shoes that had been duct taped together, an old shirt, and a pair of sweatpants. He did a quick analysis and realized that Hank had flecks of white paint on him. Analysis of the moisture levels in the paint suggested it had evaporated anywhere from 23% to 100% of it’s moisture, implying that the paint had various application times that included some within the last hour.

“Are you painting?” Connor asked.

“Yeah.” Hank plucked at his shirt. “Had a couple of spots in my bedroom that I messed up over the years, thought I’d get it fixed while I had some time.”

“I could help, if you need. I don’t know how to paint but I could learn.”

Hank snorted. “Kid, I’m sure you could, but I can paint my own house.” He gestured to the couch. “Come on, sit down. Let me get out of this shirt.”

Connor sat down on the couch, noticing slight traces of paint in the air. Hank left the room then came back, shutting the bedroom door behind him. He sat down on the other end of the couch and tucked a leg up on the couch. “How’d it go today?”

Looking down at his hands, Connor thought about the answer for the question. “Daniel’s alive.”

Hank leaned back, a slight smile on his face. “I take it that’s a good thing?”

“It is.” Connor folded his hands in his lap. “But it’s also complicated.”

Hank ran his hands through his own hair. “Tell me. You know I’m here for you, whatever you need.”

Connor nodded, trying to put his thoughts into words. “He’s having a hard time. I don’t know how to fix it. To fix him. I think I’m getting through to him, but he hurts so much and I don’t know how to help.” He blinked, realizing tears started to pool in the corners of his eyes.

Leaning forward, Hank set his hand on Connor’s. “You know you can talk to me. I don’t know how good my relationship advice is, but-“

“I don’t know if it’s a relationship,” Connor blurted out.

Hank’s fingers wrapped around Connor’s hand. “Do you want it to be?”

“Yes.” Connor didn’t hesitate. “I think I’m falling in love with him and I don’t know what that means.” Saying it out loud made it real, and he stared at Hank’s hand on his. “I don’t know if I’m capable of that, of this, of any of it, and-“

“Connor.” Hank reached up and put a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “You’re capable of more than you give yourself credit for.”

Connor looked up and met Hank’s eyes. “I’m scared.” He could hear the shaking in his voice.

“We all get that sometimes.” Hank pulled him into a hug, his arms wrapping around Connor.

He clutched at Hank’s shirt, desperate, closing his eyes. Afraid and shaking. Before he couldn’t even imagine fear. Would that have been easier? “Hank, I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t know what I am.”

Hank’s hand ran through his hair, the other hand moving in circles over Connor’s back. “You’re my family, Connor. For what that’s worth.”

“Thanks,” Connor managed, then fell silent, letting Hank hold him. Behind his eyelids, all he could think of was Daniel, broken, afraid. How he felt right now. He couldn’t help Daniel if he couldn’t even help himself. He’d never broken down like this before, had never felt like this. And he didn’t know if he even deserved this chance for more with Daniel. He’d killed him. Daniel said he’d forgiven him, but could Connor forgive himself?

He forced himself to sort out his thoughts, pushing out the emotion and confusion in favor of logic. As he let himself be calmed, he could feel his mind organizing his thoughts. The chaos slowly retreated and he felt himself still. Finally he pulled away, feeling somewhat embarrassed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You’ve clearly been holding that in.” Hank draped an arm over the back of the couch, casual and calm. “How do you feel?”

“I’m fine. I think.” Connor looked down to see that Sumo had moved to sit next to the couch, his tongue hanging out as he watched Connor. Placing a hand on the dog’s head, he let his fingers run through the dog’s fur. It helped him focus. He wondered if meeting Sumo would help Daniel, too.

“I’ve seen worse. Hell you should seen how this stuff has messed me up before.” Hank tucked his legs up onto the couch.

Connor tried to calculate the outcomes of the question he needed to ask, and again came up short because emotion was involved. “I don’t know how to ask this.”

“You want bring Daniel here.”

Nodding, Connor buried his hand in the fur on Sumo’s neck. “I know it’s a lot to ask. I know what he’s done. I know what people would think if they knew.”

“Yeah, that’s an understatement.” Hank’s expression grew serious. “Tell me honestly what I’d be in for.”

“He’s a good person, Hank. He won’t be any trouble. He’s sorry for what he’s done.”

“Sorry doesn’t bring people back.” Hank sighed, crossing his arms. “But you two need a place to sort yourselves out.”

Sumo moved out from under Connor’s hand and jumped up on the couch between them, putting his head in Connor’s lap.

“We do.” He relaxed, resting his hands on Sumo’s fur. “But I don’t want that to cause you any issues.”

“Yeah, well, it’s like I say. If it doesn’t hurt anyone.” Hank thought for a moment, uncrossing his arms and putting his hands on Sumo’s back. “Okay, how about this. If Sumo likes him, he can stay. Bring him by tomorrow, after 4pm. Gives me a chance to go for a grocery run if you’re both going to be hanging out.”

Relief flooded Connor. “Thanks. We… don’t eat though.”

“It’s not for you.” Hank patted Sumo. “I’m almost out of beer.”

“Drinking isn’t good for your health, Hank,” Connor reminded him.

Hank snorted. “If you’re both going to stay here, you’re not going to lecture me.” He looked down and Sumo. “But I appreciate you caring.” He looked back up at Connor. “I just want you to be happy.”

Happiness didn’t entirely make sense yet, but he remembered what it felt like to kiss Daniel. To be close to him, to share memories. Something warm spread through him and he smiled. “Thanks.”

“Anytime. You’ll get this sorted out.” Hank patted Sumo and stood. “I’ll see you both tomorrow then. Get back to… wherever you’re doing your thing.” He started for the door. “I’ve got things to get done, so I’m kicking you out for tonight.”

“Sorry, Sumo,” Connor said, carefully edging out from under Sumo and standing. He walked over to the door and hugged Hank. “Thanks again. I don’t know how to repay you.”

“Bring me a beer when you get a job.” Hank hugged him and gently pushed him towards the door. As Connor started down the snowy path back to the car, he turned to look through the window of Hank’s room. He didn’t see any sign of painting in that room.

So what had Hank been doing?

He calculated the options and realized that the only option was that Hank had to actually be painting the inside of his garage. But why lie about it?

 _I’ll ask him about it tomorrow._ When he came back with Daniel.

He headed back towards the lab, feeling like a weight was lifted from his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me a little longer! I took a little bit of time to write a story about Connor’s fear of heights. Check it out if you need some fluff and these two loving each other a lot: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15957398


	16. Counting The Scars

Daniel blinked, eyes adjusting to the dimly lit room. His internal clock showed 4:30am, a time consistent with when he’d come out of standby to start getting ready for the day. Where he’d start making sure that everyone would have breakfast when they got up, or lunch to take with if needed.

He cherished those quiet moments before the Philips awakened, when he’d straighten up the house quietly, careful to not make a sound that would awaken anyone. He’d have a chance to look out the window at the city sometimes. Ensuring Emma woke up 15 minutes after her alarm went off, then leaving her to get ready. He left her clothing out the night before. He worked with Emma to pick out her clothes the night before, and he always made sure that she had appropriate clothing for the weather.

On a good morning, he’d have a chance to see the light from the sunrise shining off of the buildings outside the apartment, lighting them in golden and bronzed tones. He’d thought the world a place to inhabit, a place to move through as directed. A place for humans, and his role to help them to enjoy it and get through each day.

He would always know down to the minute what he’d be doing, and now he had nowhere to go, nowhere to be.

The lack of routine and schedule now left him feeling cut adrift, alone. He still sat in the chair from last night, and he looked around, confused at why he wasn’t standing up. His energy levels must have dropped much lower than he’d thought, for him to not find an appropriate place before going into low power mode. A blanket had been draped over him, and he found the weight of it comforted him. The edge tucked up against his neck, over his shoulders. The only time he’d come out of standby to find himself under a blanket, it had been on a particularly chilly night and Emma had snuck a blanket out to him and thrown it over him. Her parents had reminded her that he didn’t get cold.

Looking around the room, he caught sight of a form laying on the bed off to the side of the room. Connor, laying on his side, his hands tucked under his head.

Daniel pulled the blanket aside and draped it over the arm of the chair, getting to his feet. He still wore no shoes, and the tiled floor felt cold on his skin. He could hear the soft footfalls of his own feet padding along the floor, until he reached the bed that Connor lay on. Why had he gone into standby laying down? The concept felt completely foreign to Daniel.

He looked down at Connor, still in his button up shirt, jeans, and his shoes still on even in bed. His LED blinked very slowly in blue. Daniel lowered himself to sit on the edge of the bed, careful not to cause it to dip and potentially wake Connor.

The position made even less sense up close, but something about it made Connor look vulnerable in a way Daniel hadn’t noticed before. That same stray curl of hair had fallen into Connor’s face again, and Daniel reached out, to brush it aside. His hand continued to caress Connor’s face.

CyberLife had done so much to make them look more alive, more like humans. Someone had put love into the creation of androids, just to abandon them to be abused, hurt, rounded up and…

He shifted his focus to the warmth of Connor’s skin, the strange softness that he’d never have expected from touching another android. He brushed a thumb along Connor’s eyebrow, committing the feel of touching him to memory. He didn’t understand why Connor refused to give up on him, but he was grateful.

 _He’s beautiful._ He’d never thought of beautiful in the same way since becoming deviant. Before, beautiful was something he was objectively programmed to judge. Things were beautiful because humans told him that was so. Now, things that he’d never thought of beautiful were. The way the sunset had looked the night before. The way the city looked blanketed in powdery snow. The birthmarks and freckles that dotted Connor’s skin, the hairs on his eyebrows, the stubborn curl that never gave up.

He pulled his hand back and stood, reaching up to feel along the scar that traveled from the left side of his face, over his neck, down his collarbone, and onto his torso. Stepping away from the bed, he moved over to the mirror, taking off his shirt as he went. He dropped the shirt on the floor and stopped in from of the mirror, looking at his reflection.

From here, he looked how he’d expect, at least based on the reflection he’d seen of himself last night. His dermal layer covered the scars below, but he watched his reflection in the mirror as he ran his hands along them, feeling the raised edges underneath. His LED started flashing in yellow. He withdrew his skin and found himself facing his body without that mercy to hide the damage.

He looked over his white form in the mirror, staring at the rough, ugly scar. His fingers found the edge and traced it. The reminder of what happened to him. The reminder of not being good enough, of dying and coming back. _I’m broken. I’m defective._

It hurt to look at them. He could have these scars forever, a constant reminder of what had happened, of the lives he’d taken, of hurting Emma.

How could someone like Connor care about something as broken as he was?

Daniel heard the creak of the bed and quickly put his skin back on, looking over as Connor rose, watching him. Had he noticed what Daniel had been looking at?

Connor walked to him, coming up behind him without speaking. He looked into the mirror and Daniel followed his gaze, looking at them together there. Daniel looked so tired next to Connor, but he couldn’t help but feel a swell of hope seeing them together in the mirror. His eyes traced the lines of Connor’s face. “Connor…”

He didn’t reply, instead wrapping his right arm around Daniel and laying his hand flat against his stomach. Daniel flinched at the sudden touch, skin to skin where no one had ever touched Daniel before. Hands steady and firm, unfamiliar but somehow reassuring. His left arm wrapped around Daniel’s other side, reaching up to rest on the scars where they ran over Daniel’s chest.

The contact caused a disruption to his electrical field, causing his skin to retract and show the scars again.

“Please don’t,” Daniel begged, staring at his reflection, at the white scars. They looked even more stark compared to the skin around it. He didn’t want to look at Connor, didn’t want to see the look on his face. He looked away.

Connor brushed his hand over Daniel’s scar along his chest. “Daniel, do you know what these scars mean?” Connor’s fingers traced the edges and it felt different when Daniel had touched the scars himself. It felt much more intense.

“That I’m broken. Flawed. Damaged.” He met Connor’s eyes in the mirror, and Connor’s gaze was steady. “That I’m not good enough.”

“That’s not what I see.” Connor placed his hand against Daniel’s chest. “I see strength, someone who has survived.” He turned his head and kissed the scars that ran up Daniel’s neck. “They’re just another thing to set you apart from everyone else.”

His lips moved along the scar, many gentle kisses that made Daniel feel like his legs would give out. He’d never had anyone this close to him, touch him like this. Make him feel grateful for being alive like this. It almost overwhelmed him, a tightness forming in his chest.

“Your scars are beautiful, like you are.” Connor’s voice was soft in his ear. “You shouldn’t be ashamed. They’re one more thing to love about you.”

Daniel could feel Connor stiffen when he said those words, as if he hadn’t meant to let that out. Daniel wanted to ask him if that’s how he felt, if he meant that. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. Instead, he turned in Connor’s grasp, wrapping his arms around Connor’s neck. “There’s a lot of things to love about you, too.”

Connor’s arms wrapped more tightly around him and held him. He looked over at the mirror. “Did you think we’d be standing here looking in a mirror? When this all started?”

“I didn’t think I’d be doing anything again, when this all started.” Daniel stared at their reflection, committing it to memory, before turning his head back to look at Connor. “How are you handling all this?”

Connor kissed Daniel’s cheek, setting his head next to Daniel’s. “I don’t know.”

There was a shake to Connor that Daniel wanted to soothe. He wondered how much Connor held back, how this must be taking out of him. “You’ve done so much just to make sure I’m okay, but you’ve got no one to take care of you.” Daniel stepped out of Connor’s grasp, reaching down and picking up his shirt. He looked at it and threw it towards the chair, not wanting to put back on the CyberLife shirt. Simon had left a pile of clothing nearby and Daniel flipped through it, pulling out a long sleeved t-shirt and putting it on. He turned back to Connor, who had pulled out his coin and started flipping it over his fingers.

“Hey,” Daniel said gently, running a hand over Connor’s arm. He lifted the coin from Connor’s fingers and tucked it back into his pocket. He took Connor’s hand in his and led him to the bed, sitting down and tugging Connor town to sit next to him.

The bed sagged as Connor sat next to Daniel. Reaching up, Daniel rested his hand on the back of Connor’s neck, running his hand over the short hair. “Are you okay?”

Connor nodded, relaxing. He squeezed Daniel’s hand. “I found somewhere for us to live.”

“You want me to live with you?” Daniel asked, blinking a few times as he processed that.

“Do you want to?” Connor looked at him hopefully. “It’s okay if you say no, I’ll find another arrangement.”

Daniel wondered if Connor needed the assurance as much as Daniel felt he did. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I didn’t ask.” Connor rubbed a hand over the back of the neck.

“Connor…” Daniel sighed, and it struck him that it was funny that an android could sigh even though they didn’t even need to breathe. “You can talk to me. Or if you want, you can show me.”

Connor looked down at their joined hands. “I want to. I want to more than anything. But the only time I’ve interfaced with you, or anyone, is because I had a goal. I’ve never done it to be close to someone. I don’t know if I know how.”

“What about when we fell?” Daniel asked.

“I wasn’t thinking then. It just happened.”

 _So that’s it._ Connor analyzed everything, CyberLife designed his model that way. “Maybe you’re thinking too hard.” That was something that Daniel could overcome, given time. Daniel gently pulled at Connor. “Come here.” He moved so that Connor could lay down and Daniel guided him so Connor’s head lay in his lap. He ran his hand through Connor’s hair as the other laid on his back, looking up at him. “Let me be here for you like you’ve been for me.”

“I know you’re here.” Connor closed his eyes. “I don’t know how to tell you anything that’s in my head. I’ve never known anyone that makes me feel like this, this flutter in my chest.” He reached a hand up and ran it over Daniel’s arm. “I don’t know who I am or where I’m supposed to be. And I don’t even know how to open up to you, and that scares me. Because I’m not trying to shut you out. You mean too much to me.”

“I’m scared, too, but you know that.” Connor’s hair felt soft between his fingers. “I’m here. You don’t have to talk. It’s okay to just be.” He wasn’t sure how he knew that.

“I know.” Opening his eyes, Connor looked up at him. “I just want you to have more time before you find out the mess that I am. You don’t know me.”

“I want to. I accept you.” Daniel managed a smile. “Mess and all.”

Nodding, Connor turned towards Daniel, putting an arm around him. Daniel realized he was shaking and he put an arm over Connor.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. There used to be rules. Systems. Predictable outcomes. And now everything is uncertain.” His fingers curled against Daniel’s back. “I want to show you everything, not this restrained and careful interfacing we’ve had, but it’s so hard for me to trust anyone. I’m so sorry. But I want to.”

That stung and Daniel started to spit back a retort, then stopped. Connor was where Daniel had been. He acted strong, but he hurt, too. _I can’t risk losing ground now._ He ran his hand along Connor’s back to hopefully reassure him. He thought it might help to talk about something else. “How about you tell me about where we’re going to stay?”

“It’s Hank’s house. He’s my partner at the DPD. Or was. Or will be.” Connor closed his eyes, and Daniel could feel him relax. “When I’m working again, we’ll be partners. He’s also the closest thing to family I have.”

A feeling of dread clutched at Daniel. _Police._ “Is that a good idea? You remember that I killed-“

“Yes.”

Daniel’s chest felt tight, and Connor must have noticed because he sat up, looking at Daniel. He reached out and put a hand on Daniel’s cheek. “Hank knows. He’s seen your record. He says that if his dog likes you, you can stay.” He smiled. “I hope you like dogs.”

“Yeah.” He leaned into Connor’s touch, wondering if he’d ever get used to this. To being this close to him.

“You’ll be safe there, and have time to heal.”

“I appreciate that.” He felt like perhaps he wasn’t the only one that needed that time. But if he were going to move in with Connor, he had to know what this all meant. “Connor, I don’t want to push you, but what is this? Between us?”

Connor pulled his hand back and for a moment Daniel wondered if he’d made a mistake. The other looked down, thinking. “I don’t know.”

Daniel felt something bubble up from deep inside him. He wanted to be patient but he had to know. “I’m trying here, but I need to know something. Why I’m here. Why you’re finding a place for us.”

“Because you mean everything.” Connor looked back up and Daniel realized he had tears in his eyes. “Because all these feelings are so strong, and sometimes it hurts, but when I’m with you I see a future. There were times I wanted to die, when I almost just let Amanda win because then I wouldn’t have to fight this anymore. And now that you’re here, I’m so grateful for getting through it.”

Daniel reached up and wiped the tears away, understanding now that he and Connor weren’t that much different. He leaned in and kissed Connor, putting his lips on his and wrapping his arms around Connor’s neck as he closed his eyes. They’d work this all out. And soon they’d be in a home.

Connor put his hands on Daniel’s face and kissed him, his tongue slipping into Daniel’s mouth. Daniel jumped at the sudden intrusion, his eyes widening for a moment because that had never happened before. He started laughing and had to pull back for a moment before going back to kissing. Closing his eyes, he returned the gesture, running his tongue over Connor’s lip than into his mouth. Connor’s hands clenched and he moved his hands to Daniel’s shoulders, pushing him down onto the bed.

Inside his head, Daniel could feel an almost throbbing, a need he hadn’t noticed before. He laid back on the bed and Connor straddled his hips, leaning down to put a hand on each side of Daniel’s head. Daniel looked up at him, at those beautiful brown eyes, over the details of his face that he could see even when he closed his eyes. He thought he’d feel trapped by something like this, but instead he felt safe. Protected.

Connor smiled at him. “Is this okay?”

“Stop asking,” Daniel growled, “and just kiss me.”

Laughing, Connor lowered himself and kept kissing Daniel, who reached his hands up to hold onto Connor’s hips. It felt wonderful to feel wanted. Connor’s lips pulled at his tongue, and he delighted in the feeling of that, of being so close. Daniel moaned into Connor’s mouth and it spurred him on, his mouth pressing harder into Daniel’s.

The door slid open and Connor snapped his head up, swiftly rolling off of Daniel. “Hey, Chloe,” he managed, and Daniel looked up to see Chloe in the doorway, looking surprised.

”Does anyone fucking knock?” Daniel asked, rolling over to look at her. “Damn it.” He wanted to be mad but the look on her face diffused his annoyance.

“Oh,” she said. “ _Oh._ Ah.” She blushed. “Sorry, I thought I’d come check on you, but it looks like you’re… busy.”

Daniel started laughing at the look on her face. “It’s fine. Connor found us a place to stay, I think we can continue this later.” He looked up at Connor, who blushed. _Later._ They’d have a later. He liked the sound of that.

He could feel the blush starting on his face, too, and Connor looked down at him, laughing. “You’re blushing so hard your skin is glitching.”

“Should I go?” Chloe asked, looking from Connor to Daniel.

“It’s okay.” Daniel got up, with some reluctance. “Like I said, later.”

“If the two of you don’t die of embarrassment first,” Chloe said dryly, but grinned. “Ok, let’s do another check of your systems.”

Daniel would have cheerfully gone through ten checks of his systems if it would get him out of here and back to where he’d get to stay with Connor. They had a long ways to go still, but when he looked at Connor, he felt that it would be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the people of the Conniel discord as well Fuzzynat from Tumblr (who is also on discord) for the immense support these last few chapters. And Bee for “kiss with tongue”, Bee this is for you. And of course to all of the lovely people who has read and left comments. 
> 
> This is the home stretch; there won’t be more than 2-3 chapters in this story. But don’t fear, as I have more Conniel stories to write. ❤️


	17. A Lot To Take In

Daniel sat in the back seat of the car with Connor, staring out the window at the house. He wondered how the yard would look after the snow melted. A car sat in the driveway, a dusting of snow on it that indicated it had been driven today, but not in the last few hours. The lights in the house looked warm, inviting. An actual house. The snow was lit by the afternoon sun, glinting off of it.

He’d never stayed in an actual house before. The condo had been far above the city, removed from everything. Like a tower that he’d been mostly trapped in, except when needed to run errands. He didn’t leave the tower by choice, only by the will of others.

Even now, the choice of coming here was not his own, but at least he wouldn’t be trapped in the lab another day. _This is a step._ The first step of many, a possible hard road ahead. They’d spent the day running diagnostics, answering questions from Chloe, and going through clothing that Simon had brought for Daniel.

Now he felt nervous, even afraid. What if Hank didn’t like him? What if Hank’s dog didn’t like him? So many questions. He hadn’t even talked to a human since he’d been brought back to life, and he didn’t know what to expect. Hank was a cop and the chances were good that he’d known one or both of the officers that Daniel had killed. He hadn’t meant to kill them, but after the first shot had been fired at him, he’d fired back without thinking. He couldn’t afford that lack of thinking now, not ever again.

Clearly Hank meant a lot to Connor, though, and Daniel knew that meant he’d have to get over this sinking feeling in his biocomponents.

Connor reached up and touched Daniel’s LED. “It’ll be fine. Do you trust me?”

“You know I do.” Daniel leaned into Connor’s touch. _Even if you can’t trust me yet._ “But I don’t trust humans.” He realized how rude that sounded and he winced. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. They haven’t given you much reason to.” Connor’s fingers were gentle on Daniel’s face. “But Hank is different.”

 _I’ll believe that when I see it._ He didn’t want to tell Connor that though. He didn’t feel optimistic, now that they were here. Now that he’d thought about the potential consequences of living with a police officer.  

Chloe looked back at them from driver’s seat. “Lieutenant Anderson seems like a good man.”

“And you know you’ve got a home in New Jericho if this doesn’t work out,” Simon added. “It’s a lot more crowded, but you’d be welcomed.”

It didn’t take away his anxiety, but at least it gave him the opportunity to think past the next step. Daniel reached forward and put a hand on Simon’s shoulder. “Simon…”

“Get out of the car, I’m not letting you go without a hug.” Simon got out of the car and opened Daniel’s door for him.

Daniel stepped out and threw his arms around Simon, incredibly grateful for the other PL600. “You’re still like the annoying older brother I never had,” he muttered, tucking his head up against Simon’s. “Stay in touch or I’ll find you the hard way.”

“Aggressively sentimental.” Simon laughed and hugged Daniel, and Daniel let himself relax into that. He’d considered Simon the first friend he had outside of Connor, and that meant a lot to him. “No, you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Daniel let go and stepped back as Chloe and Connor came around from the other side of the car. Chloe had her hands in her pockets of her coat. “I’d like to see you next week for a followup to ensure everything is in working order.”

“Yeah sure.” He eyed her, still not sure what to make of her. “Chloe, I know I didn’t get to talk to you much, but…”

“It’s okay.” She smiled. “You’re not very good at thank yous.”

Her smiled warmed him more than he thought it should. “No.” He held out his arms. “I’m shit with words but I can hug.”

Chloe laughed and hugged him, and he pressed his face into her hair. He registered traces of lavender and lilac. “I’ll take it.”

“You’ve been patient when I didn’t deserve it.” He squeezed his eyes shut and hugged her more tightly. One of her hands moved in reassuring circles on his back.

 _You deserve more than you think_ , she said, and he fought the urge to push her away so she wouldn’t feel him shaking.

 _Is there hope for me?_ he asked instead.

 _I know there is._ She let go of him and reached up to put a hand on his cheek. “I’ll see you soon.”

The gesture felt like too much and he flinched away from her, not wanting to but unable to stop himself. She smiled at him though, so maybe she understood.

Connor opened the trunk and pulled out a backpack that Daniel and Simon had filled with clothes. It wasn’t much but it would be enough that he’d have something to wear that wasn’t just a default PL600 outfit. He had decided he felt quite done with that, even though he still wore the pants from earlier.

Closing the trunk, Connor came around to stand next to Daniel. He looked at Chloe and Simon. “I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for us. I know this was a lot.”

“That’s what friends do, Connor.” Simon smiled and hugged him, then Chloe hugged him. She didn’t speak, but Daniel got the feeling something passed between them.

Chloe and Simon got into the car and left, leaving Daniel and Connor waiting out in front of Hank’s house. Daniel turned to look at the house. What would it mean? What would Hank think of him?

“Are you ready to go in?” Connor asked softly, reaching out to take Daniel’s hand and hold it.

Daniel hesitated, feeling a tension in him that he wished he could make go away. He leaned in and kissed Connor’s cheek. “Can we have a moment out here?”

“As long as you need.” Connor smiled. “It’s an excuse for me to think about how good that coat looks on you.”

They’d found him a leather bomber jacket, and Daniel looked down at it, wondering how he must look to Connor. It had to be a side effect of deviancy, this feeling. How it felt when Connor looked at him, how being this close to Connor made him feel. Daniel reached out and took Connor’s other hand, and they stood in the snow as it swirled around them.

It had only been a day since they stood out in the snow on the roof of the Philips residence, terrified and confused. Everything wasn’t okay yet, but now he watched the snow without that panic and fear. Something still nagged at him, but not the same level of confusion he’d had before. The snow settled onto Connor’s head, white snowflakes on dark hair and Daniel let go of a hand and brushed the snow away.

“Hey, are you two getting in here or not?” a voice called, and Daniel yanked his hand away and looked towards the house.

The door stood open and an older man stood there, in jeans and a shirt that Daniel couldn’t figure out the appeal of. The only word he could think of was _tacky._

“Yeah, we’re coming, Hank!” Connor squeezed Daniel’s hand. “We’ve been spotted.”

It didn’t seem like it should be as easy as getting a dog to like him, and Daniel was certain he’d have to be on his best behavior, too. “I’m ready.”

They hurried along the snow covered walkway towards the open door, and Hank stepped aside as they entered. “Hurry it up, you’re going to let all my warmth out.”

Daniel stepped to the side, careful to not track snow onto the carpet. Connor closed the door behind them and started stomping his shoes on the mat. “Hi, Hank. Thanks for letting us stay.”

“Don’t thank me yet, kid.” Hank looked down at Daniel, who stood up straighter to meet his gaze. Gray hair, likely early 50s, a hardened face but oddly kind eyes. He seemed vaguely familiar. “Hey. I’m Hank.”

“I figured.” Daniel let go of Connor’s hand and reached out to shake his hand. “Daniel.”

“Yeah, I’ve met you. You were dead.” Hank shook his hand in a firm grip.

“Hank,” Connor warned.

“What, like he didn’t know?” Hank snorted, letting go of Daniel’s hand. “I told Connor you could stay if my dog liked you. He’s a good judge of character.”

Daniel glanced to the side, seeing the movement of a large Saint Bernard ambling towards him. He’d know that dog anywhere. His eyes widened and he dropped to his knees on the floor. “Sumo!” He reached his hands out and the dog came to him. He wrapped his arms around him as Sumo slurped his tongue across his face. He was so glad that Sumo seemed to remember him, and Daniel felt a huge smile coming over his face. But if Sumo was here, with his owner, where was Cole?

“Oh, you cheated, you told him his name.” Hank shook his head. “Connor.”

Connor held his hands up. “I swear, I didn’t tell him anything.” He looked down at Daniel. _How did you know?_

Daniel didn’t look up, instead burying his face into Sumo’s warm fur. He hadn’t seen Sumo in years; after a point, they stopped showing up at the dog park. _Connor, where’s Cole? The boy?_

 _How do you know?_ Connor insisted.

Daniel looked up at him. “I used to go to the dog park with…” He trailed off, unable to say Emma’s name out lout at that moment. “Connor didn’t tell me. I remember all the dogs.”

 _Cole died due to complications resulting from an accident._ Connor put a hand on Daniel’s shoulder. _Don’t talk about it. It’s been hard on Hank._

 _Oh._ Something welled up in Daniel’s chest. He’d remembered once when they’d come to the dog park with a wagon, and Sumo kept trying to ride in the wagon with Cole. The memory felt so crisp. Human grief didn’t make sense to him yet, but the idea of never seeing someone again…

The thought came to him before he could stop it. _I’ll never see Emma again._

He dug his fingers into Sumo’s fur and lowered his head, not wanting anyone to see him upset.

“You remember every dog, huh?” Hank asked.

Daniel smiled against Sumo’s fur. “I remember all the good dogs. And Sumo is a good dog.”

Sumo turned his head and licked the side of Daniel’s face.

Hank sighed. “Connor didn’t warn me you’d be good at sweet talking my dog.”

“He’s good at a lot of things,” Connor commented, stepping back. 

“I don’t need to know,” Hank warned. “Fine. Let’s see how this goes for a bit.”

Daniel lifted his head as Hank walked to the kitchen and pulled a beer out of the fridge. “I can help out,” Daniel offered, as he and Connor took off their shoes. “I can cook, clean, take Sumo out for walks. If you want.”

Hank opened the beer and took a deep drink, leaning against the counter. “I think the three of us need to talk about some of this. Neither of you is in trouble, but I think we need to make sure you’re both clear on where things stand.” He gestured towards the dining room table. “Sit.”

Letting go of Sumo, Daniel got to his feet with reluctance and pulled off his coat. Connor took it from him and put both of their coats in a closet, then they went to the kitchen and sat.

Hank sat down across from them. “I’m fine with whatever help you want to offer, but we’ve taken care of ourselves here for a while. Not worried about that. What I am worried about is that from a legal perspective, you’re a special case.” Hank sighed and put his beer down on the table and regarded Daniel. “I’ve been trying to review what I can of the cases that we’ve had, but the truth is, your case is one of the worst where the android is still alive.”

“Is that going to be a problem?” Daniel asked, grateful that Sumo had followed them to the kitchen. The dog sat on Daniel’s feet and he reached down a hand to rest on his head. Sumo was a warm and solid presence and Daniel needed that.

“It could be.” Hank shook his head. “I’m not here to lecture you, or to scare you. But until things settle, it’s best if you stay in the house. You’re welcome to play with Sumo in the backyard, my neighbors don’t give a shit about my business.”

Daniel felt something rising in himself and he raised a hand, hitting the table. “This is bullshit. Not you. Just… all of this.”

“Hey, you’re more lucky than a human in the same situation would be,” Hank shot back.

“If I were a human, it would have been taken a lot more seriously if I was beaten on while protecting a defenseless woman!” Daniel snapped.

A silence filled the room, and Connor reached out to touch his hand. Daniel snatched it away, needing a moment.

Hank picked up his beer. “Two pieces of advice for you. One, get a hold on that temper. I get it, you’re mad. Stay mad, but you have to look like you’re always in control. And two, if what you’re saying is true, you were also a victim and you may have to use that.”

“I don’t want to play the victim.” Daniel ran a hand through his hair, feeling his thirium pump beating too hard. “I’m sorry for what I did. For all of it. Isn’t that enough?”

“Sadly, it’s not.” Hank took a drink and swallowed. “If you’re going to get through this, you’re going to have to be honest about what happened. You can’t keep it to yourself. You’re going to have to file an assault report.”

“I just want this to go away.” He looked over at Connor, who now looked down at the table. _Shit._

“It doesn’t work that way. Listen, I’m not telling you this to be an asshole. I don’t really know you, but Connor cares a lot about you, and that means a lot. You have to meet me halfway, Daniel.”

Daniel nodded and tried to compose his thoughts. He didn’t mean to snap at Hank, especially given that Hank was trying to help. And he hadn’t meant to pull away from Connor, either. “No, I’m the one being the asshole.” He put his elbows on the table and put his face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be this way to either of you. It’s just that…” He scrubbed at his face with his palms, trying to put words to this feeling of being overwhelmed. “No one’s actually looked out for me like this. I don’t know what to do with it. People giving a shit is new.”

“Hey.” Hank got to his feet and walked around the table, resting a hand between Daniel’s shoulders and holding it there. “We’ll work it all out. I just don’t want you getting in more trouble.”

Hank’s hand felt warm, solid, and surprisingly comforting. And it reminded him that he had someone he needed to comfort, too. He pulled his hands away from his face and looked at Connor. “Connor,” he said softly, reaching out a hand and wrapping it around his arm. “I’m sorry.”

Connor looked up at him and put a hand on his hand. “I’m just trying to be here for you.”

Daniel wanted to tell him that he was perfect at that, that Connor meant the world, that he just wanted to _hold_ him so fucking much right now. Getting to his feet, Daniel stepped out from under Hank’s hand and moved to Connor’s side. He pulled Connor’s head against his own torso, running his fingers through his hair. Connor closed his eyes and leaned into Daniel, and Daniel could feel their thirium pumps both slowing down. After a moment, Connor lifted an arm and put it around Daniel’s waist, holding onto him.

“I know. And I appreciate you more than I have words for.” Daniel leaned down and kissed the top of Connor’s head. It felt nice, to be this close.

“Ugh, get a room, you two,” Hank groused, and Daniel blushed as he realized Hank was still standing there.

“We don’t have a room,” Connor commented, opening his eyes and looking over at Hank as the other took another swig of beer. “Can we use yours?”

Hank spat out his beer and wiped his face off with his shirt. “Really, Connor?” Hank set his beer down and headed for his room. “Un-fucking-believable. Fucking androids.”

The door closed with a slam and Daniel blinked. “Is he upset?”

“Over that? I don’t think so?” He sounded uncertain.

Hank returned a moment later with a clean shirt on, which was no less tacky than the last one. “Come on, if you want a room I’ll give you a room. You can sleep in the garage.”

Daniel frowned. “That’s not necessary.” A garage? He’d rather stay out in the living room on the floor, at least there would be furniture.

Connor stood and took Daniel’s hand. “Hank, does this have anything to do with you not actually painting your bedroom?”

“Caught that, did you? Figured you would. As soon as you showed up, I was sure you’d fuck up the surprise. But you two still look confused, so come on already.” Hank headed back down the hall and flung open the door to the garage.

Bright light streamed from the other room, and Daniel could see a curtain covering a window on the opposite wall. He noticed the small hint of paint in the air, then he saw the large bed. Hank stepped down the one stair and Daniel and Connor followed. That’s when Daniel saw the dresser. A desk, a couple of chairs, some bookshelves already stocked with books, a small tv. A heavy curtain hung along one wall where the garage door was, and a bunch of mismatched rugs covered the floor and he stepped onto one, feeling the softness through his socks. He loved the rugs, they were all obviously used and well loved. It was as far from where he’d lived as he could get, and he loved it. 

“I’d planned on decorating more, but you two showed up about a day earlier than I planned. I set this room up when my son lived here, this is was my room then. I did what I could to clean it up.” Hank crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “What do you think?”

Something welled up in Daniel and he felt the sob rising in him before he could stop it. He’d never had a space of his own, a place to sit, a place to… be. He couldn’t have imaged this possibility before. This wasn’t a garage, this was more than he could have deserved, or asked for. Much less a space he could share with Connor.

The tear slipped down his face and he threw an arm around Hank’s neck. He opened a communication channel to Connor. _I don’t know if I can talk._

 _This is… a lot to take in._ Connor joined them and put his arms around both of them. His LED blinked in yellow. “Hank, you didn’t have to do all of this.”

“Eh, I was going to do it anyway.” Hank put his arms around both of them and Daniel found himself in an awkward hug.

“No, Hank, I mean…” Connor paused for a moment, his voice shaking. “I never even considered a room. I’ve never been in a room except on crime scenes or here.” His eyes were wide as he looked around. “This means a lot.”

Daniel nodded. “Thank you,” he managed, knowing that it didn’t come close.  

Connor laughed. “For someone bad at thank yous, you’re doing fine.” He stepped back and looked around. “Hank…”

Hank snorted. “If anyone had told me three weeks ago I’d have two emotional androids standing in my garage, I’d probably have started drinking.”

Daniel pulled back and started looking at the books on the shelves, running his fingers over the spines. “It’s all perfect,” he murmured. A feeling of guilt started to come over him, a feeling that maybe Hank was just doing this for Connor and he happened to be here. He didn’t deserve this. This was too much.

“I think you have low standards,” Hank commented.

After the surge of emotion, Daniel couldn’t help himself. “Don’t talk about Connor like that, Hank.”

“Hey!” Connor protested.                                            

Hank started laughing and reached out to ruffle both of their hair at the same time. “Now you two are acting like you live here.”

Daniel smiled at Connor’s messy hair, and the other’s subsequent attempts to fix it with an annoyed look on his face.

Staring back towards the door, Hank looked back over his shoulder at them. “I was thinking of watching a movie. Do you two watch movies?”

“I’ve never watched a movie,” Connor commented. “We’re always watching the news.”

“I’ve watched enough news to last years. Daniel?”

The last time he’d watched a movie had been with Emma, when she’d been sick and had wanted him to stay nearby. “I’d like that.”

“Great, that settles it.” Hank carried his beer over to the living room and dropped down on the couch.

They followed him and Connor sat on the end of the couch, leaving Daniel in the middle. He had space on each side of him, and he could feel Hank’s eyes on him. Sumo came up and sat near Hank’s feet, putting his head in the man’s lap.

“Hey, Daniel, move over so Sumo can get up here.” Hank patted the space between him and Daniel. “Come on, Sumo.”

Daniel looked at the dog with doubt. “Does Sumo even watch movies?”

“Are you kidding? Sumo _loves_ buddy cop movies. Now move.”

He moved to sit close to Connor, their legs touching. Connor put a hand on his shoulder.

“One second, let me get comfortable.” He pulled a leg up onto the couch and tucked it on the other side of Daniel, then pulled him up against him.

It felt stiff at first, but Sumo jumped on the couch and Daniel brought his feet up to put next to Sumo. He leaned back against Connor, whose arms wrapped around him as they settled against each other. Connor kissed the top of Daniel’s head, and Daniel felt himself smiling. He felt safe, calmer. The gentle rise and fall of Connor’s chest at his back soothed him further, and he let his head fall back and relax against Connor’s shoulder. He didn’t think he’d felt this comfortable in his life. His hands rested on Connor’s arms, amazed that he was here.

How did humans ever take this for granted? How did they ever grow apart from each other, or hurt each other, when they could be here like this, cuddled up on a couch together?

“You two better not fall asleep. This is my favorite movie.” Hank grinned and reached down a hand to pet Sumo.

“We won’t fall asleep, Hank,” Connor said.

“I didn’t come back from the dead to miss this movie,” Daniel added, starting to feel more at ease.

Hank laughed and picked up his beer. “I think I like this one, Connor.”

“Me, too.” Connor laughed softly against Daniel’s hair, and they settled in to watch the movie together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the final chapter of A Lifetime In A Moment. I don’t know if I’m ready, but I’m also excited that I still have Conniel stories to tell when this one is over. Thank you for coming on this journey with me.


	18. Memories Yet To Come

They watched a movie called Hot Fuzz and then the sequel after that, and Connor wasn’t sure he’d ever sat down for that many hours on end and could just… be. It took him 23 minutes and 19 seconds to stop feeling like he had somewhere he needed to be, or something he had to do. He’d had plenty to keep his mind occupied while trying to save Daniel, and the sudden lack of anything to do felt foreign.

As he let himself be pulled into the movie, though, he found those thoughts and concerns slowly drifting away. At first he tried to analyze the film, determine what the plot would come out to be, trying to just figure everything out. Then he started to laugh along with Hank and Daniel. Sometimes they laughed when he didn’t get a reference; he found himself having to look up jokes on occasion, causing a delayed laughter reaction that Daniel and Hank gave him funny looks for. He didn’t mind.

Daniel’s laughter sounded wonderful. The way he shook with it in Connor’s arms, the way his fingers curled into Connor’s hands.

Hank had told him that he just wanted him to be happy. He hadn’t known what that meant, but every time Daniel moved, laughed, smiled, Connor became more convinced this was it.

He rested his cheek against Daniel’s soft hair, his arms wrapped around him, as the credits started to roll. “Those were both great movies, Hank. I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard.”

Hank grinned at him. “I’m sure you haven’t. We haven’t had that many reasons for it. Maybe that’s changing. I’ve got lots more movies where those came from.”

“Could we watch another now?” Daniel asked.

“We could, but I’m going to call it a night.” Hank stretched, yawning.

“It’s only 21:06,” Connor protested, wondering why Hank would head to bed now. “You never go to bed this early.”

“I missed a lot of sleep painting.” He got to his feet and looked down at Sumo. “Come on, boy. Let’s leave these two alone for the night.” He grinned, his eyes flicking back up to Connor and Daniel as Sumo jumped off the couch. “Keep it quiet, you two.”

 _Oh._ Connor could imagine what Hank thought they’d be up to, but he didn’t bother to correct Hank on what seemed to be a very human assumption. “We won’t wake you up.”

“I don’t know, after yesterday…” Daniel added, no doubt adding to Hank’s misconception.

Hank grunted and waved a hand at them. “I don’t want to know. Just don’t wake me up. And if you do wake me up, be ready to make me coffee in the morning.” He yawned again and headed to bed, Sumo following him.

The bedroom door shut and Daniel leaned back against Connor. His body felt so relaxed compared to when they’d sat down together, and Connor determined that they should spend more time like this. Their base heartrates had both evened out, and Connor felt a sense of contentment that he hadn’t felt before. Everything from the recent weeks had put him in a state of constant alertness, a state of constant analysis. At first in the investigation, in building a bridge with Hank, in finding in his place in the DPD. When he’d become deviant, his analysis had turned inward, working to determine what this new life meant for him. How he’d deal with it.

Now he found himself feeling almost normal, comfortable, in a situation that never should have been either. His programming didn’t allow for how he felt, but that didn’t change the fact that it’s the only way he could describe it. Daniel reached up a hand and ran it through Connor’s hair and he leaned into the touch.

“I’m not tired but I’d love to go back to the room. Our room.” He looked up at Connor and smiled. “I didn’t expect that.”

“I didn’t, either. But I’m grateful.” Connor kissed Daniel’s temple. “Let’s go.”

 _Our room._ The words stuck with him as they stood. It had been more than he could have expected. He’d never thought of a space of his own. He’d been fine on the couch, fine standing in a corner. Something about having that space made him feel a part of something. Connor turned off the lights and they walked quietly to the room. Daniel opened the door and stepped down, Connor following.

As soon as the door shut behind them, Connor put his hands on Daniel’s hips, pulling them against each other. He kissed down Daniel’s neck and the other tilted his head to the side and made a sound that seemed pleased. Daniel’s skin felt warm under Connor’s lips. Why did these human forms of affection feel so good? Was this their programming, or was it that living meant finding that connection, that touch, with others?

“You don’t waste any time, do you?” Daniel murmured.

Connor smiled against Daniel’s neck. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“You’ll figure it out.”

Connor wasn’t sure of that. He knew he was smart, he could figure out what to do physically. Beyond that, his programming faltered. He didn’t know how to be what Daniel needed, how to open up to him. He didn’t know how to stop feeling like he wasn’t supposed to be here. He’d betrayed Jericho, and he’d betrayed CyberLife. He lived in a space in between, where he didn’t know who would really come to accept him. Even Daniel, he’d hurt. He’d killed him. It seemed like a strange irony. Is this how he paid for what he’d done? By having so much feeling for someone he’d wronged so much?

The RK800 series wasn’t built for emotional attachment, even less so than any other android. He was built for negotiation, for accomplishing a goal for someone else. He was built as a tool, not as an autonomous person who could make choices. He didn’t know how to be with Daniel because Daniel wasn’t a mission or a goal. Not anymore. 

If nothing else, he knew how to improvise. He gently pushed Daniel forward until they reached the edge of the bed and Daniel twisted in Connor’s grasp, turning them around and pushing Connor down onto the bed. The bed sagged under him and he looked up at Daniel, following the curves of his face. The slight smile on his face, a smile that made Connor think there was hope.  

Daniel reached down and touched the top button of Connor’s shirt and Connor tensed up as long fingers unbuttoned the top button. Thirium pump thumping in his chest, Connor watched Daniel’s face as he worked each button free. Each button felt so slow, and after each one Daniel brushed his hands over Connor’s skin. Their eyes locked, Daniel’s eyes shining in the dim light. Button after button. Connor found that his breathing reflex had suspended itself when Daniel reached the halfway point.

Another button. And another. He’d never felt this vulnerable and safe at the same time.

When the last button was undone, Daniel untucked Connor’s shirt. Connor took the edge of Daniel’s sweatshirt in his hands, lifting it to expose his stomach. He leaned in and planted a series of kisses along the muscle there, ending it with a swipe of his tongue.

Daniel clutched at his shoulder, swaying on his feet. He steadied himself against Connor, his hand roaming over Connor’s chest. Connor gasped at the feeling as nerves lit up with the touch, places that had never been touched before like this.

He needed this. He needed Daniel. He took Daniel’s hands to pull him onto the bed. They ended up lying down, facing each other. Daniel slipped a hand over Connor’s side and under his unbuttoned shirt to run over his back.

As Daniel’s hand ran over his spine, he closed his eyes and let out a sigh. Daniel lightly raked his fingernails over Connor’s skin and it felt so good.

“Do that again,” Connor murmured, opening his eyes and looking at Daniel. He pulled him close, the softness of his sweatshirt tickling his chest.

Daniel’s nails swept over his spine again and Connor surged forward, putting his lips on Daniel’s and kissing him. He felt desperate, worried, uncertain, but this felt right.

Daniel moaned into his mouth, and the sound made Connor shiver. He wanted to hear Daniel. And he wanted Daniel to hear him. He leaned in and started kissing along Daniel’s neck again, stopping near his ear. “You’re so beautiful,” he said softly, planting a kiss on Daniel’s LED. “You’re perfect.”

Covering his face with his arm, Daniel shook his head. “I’m just a PL600, Connor.”

Reaching out, Connor pulled Daniel’s arm away and laid his hand along Daniel’s blushing cheek. The blush looked good on him but Connor would welcome a time when Daniel could just take a compliment for what it was. “You’re not _just_ anything.” He leaned forward and peppered Daniel’s forehead in kisses. He had a forehead 16% larger than the average android, and Connor couldn’t help but think of it as that much more to kiss. “You’re special. You’re you. And I’m grateful that you decided to stay.”

Daniel closed his eyes and leaned into Connor’s touch, his hand clenching at Connor’s back. “I don’t know if I’m ever going to feel like I deserve this. Living. Being with you.”

 _Look at us. We’re a mess._ He wanted to take that pain away, a pain he’d contributed to. He wanted to take so many things back, so many regrets. _Regret._ That was it. “I regret a lot of things, Daniel. You’re not one of them.”

Opening his eyes, Daniel looked at him. His eyes registered as a shade of blue according to the Pantone scale, but the closer he looked, the more Connor saw the gray in them. More complicated than they appeared at a glance. _Just like Daniel._

Connor could have lost himself in it, in all of it. The shine of gentle lamplight on his messy golden hair. The warmth of Daniel’s skin, the way his muscles moved under his skin, the curve of his nose.

Daniel parted his lips and Connor took the invitation, bringing his lips to Daniel’s. He hooked his leg around Daniel’s hip, bringing their bodies closer against each other. He brushed Daniel’s lips with his tongue, and he felt Daniel draw a breath. Every movement Daniel made, every sound, every touch, just made Connor feel more alive than he’d felt before.

There were so many things he should be thinking about. Logical things, none of which mattered at that moment. Not compared to _this._

Closing his lips around Connor’s tongue, Daniel kissed him back, with a new enthusiasm. He started to analyze the composition of Daniel’s saliva then stopped. _Feel, don’t think._ He moved his hand down and slid it under the waistband of Daniel’s pants. Daniel moved against him, letting out a gasp.

“I want you. All of you.” Connor’s hand held Daniel’s hips against his own, wishing they could be closer, wishing he could take that next step. Wishing he knew how. Every interface he’d initiated, there had been a goal. And now, there wasn’t a mission. There was only Daniel. 

He flattened his hand against Daniel’s back and tried to interface, tried to open that link, and couldn’t. He felt frustrated, inadequate. It should be easy, but…

Daniel leaned forward, pushing Connor onto his back and swinging a leg over him, settling on Connor’s hips. Connor stared up at him, surprised that Daniel had so easily shifted them but at the same time feeling such an immense sense of trust and safety. _Safe._ He hadn’t known what that felt like.

“Then I’m yours.” Daniel’s hands grasped at the bottom of his sweatshirt and shirt and pulled them off at once, tossing them on the floor. He leaned close, their bare stomachs touching. “Let go.”

 _I can’t._ He felt so confident coming in here, and now he didn’t know. Had he thought he could just kiss Daniel, touch Daniel, and have that be enough? He didn’t know how to give him more. His insides felt tied up in knots. He touched the spot where he knew Daniel’s scars were, letting his fingers disrupt the skin there, turning it white. His own hand turned white in response, but he still couldn’t interface. It felt like he ran up against a wall.

Daniel moaned over him and Connor ran his hands over him, trying to map out his body with his fingers. Every detail. He’d promise never to forget Daniel. He wouldn’t.

“I want to remember everything about you.” Every line, every hair, the way his shoulders rolled when he bent forward and put his hands on Connor’s face.

Connor’s hands moved over his skin, wrapping a hand around the back of Daniel’s neck to pull him down to kiss him. The other hand trailed over his back, along the ridge of his spine, the bump near the top where his new spine had been fused, little details that he never wanted to forget.

He hadn’t known that another android’s lips were so soft before he’d known Daniel, and Connor closed his eyes, just feeling. He couldn’t describe it. It wasn’t just the physical part, although he loved that, but it was that Daniel trusted him. That Daniel wanted to be here.

_I don’t deserve you._

Daniel pressed into him, kissing along his cheek, biting along his neck, and now it was Connor’s turn to gasp as sensation surged through him. He moved his hands to hold Daniel’s face in his hands as he opened his eyes.

“You’re so good.” It slipped from Connor before he could stop himself.

Pulling back, Daniel took both of Connor’s hands in his and pressed them against the pillow above Connor’s head, pinning him. The gesture surprised him and caused something to tighten up in him. He looked up at Daniel, his fingers interlacing with Connor’s. Leaning into Connor, Daniel bit down on a particularly sensitive spot on his neck, causing him to let out a sound. The skin on Daniel’s hands retracted. Then-

“Let go,” Daniel said against Connor’s skin, a note of triumph in his voice.

The link initiated and Connor’s back arched, suddenly flooded with everything. Memories, thoughts, feelings. For a moment Connor felt like he would drown in them, feeling as if he were falling through his memories, through Daniel’s. A flurry of colored butterflies in a garden. A box of bright crayons. Without the constraints of his programming, it was so much, so much feeling, so many images. Too much.

 _I want you._ It started as Daniel’s thought but it echoed between them, resonating until he couldn’t tell where the thought began and ended.

The memories could have hurt but they came and went so quickly that they were constantly replaced by other ones. He found himself too caught up in the beautiful ones, but then the hardest of them played back, the night Daniel deviated. Connor could feel tears running down his face as the pain of it went through him, and he stared up at Daniel, seeing the tears shining in his own eyes.

 _How can you take all of this?_ he asked.

A tear splashed down from Daniel’s face onto Connor’s cheek. _I don’t know if I can._

 _You’re strong._ _You’re beautiful, I’m sorry, stay with me._ Connor felt the words slipping out and couldn’t stop them if he wanted to. Daniel was all around him, over him, inside him. Their hearts beat together.

He could see it in Daniel’s eyes, that Daniel saw his own memories, his own insecurities. His own feelings. Through the link, Connor felt that Daniel knew before he himself could say the words, and the open emotion on Daniel’s face made him want to hold him, comfort him, but Daniel still held his hands down.

 _You can’t,_ Daniel pleaded, shaking his head. _Connor-_

_I love you._

Daniel’s breathing became erratic, and he threw his head back, rolling his hips. Memories tumbled between them and Connor held Daniel’s hands tightly, feeling the shake in them.

_I’m not who you think I am! How can you-_

_Feel me. Look at me. I love you._ It shattered the space in between them, the lines that separated. The words filled the cracks, and Connor could feel the words shake into them. They slid into the dark corners of memory and pain and lit them with hope.  

Daniel looked back at Connor, and Connor could feel him looking into him, seeing his secrets laid bare. His shames, his own pain and confusion, his life as the deviant hunter. Pulling free one hand, Daniel laid it on the side of Connor’s face. Their skin turned white where they touched.

No words, no logic, just… so much feeling. Daniel’s hand on his cheek held forgiveness, faith, all the things that Connor couldn’t find in himself. The need, the longing, the lack of secrets between them. Daniel thought he was intelligent, beautiful, worthy of love, kind-

_I love you._

From Daniel the words sounded so simple but they burned away something in Connor, something he hadn’t known had been hurting him. Connor took his free hand and wrapped it around Daniel’s back. Daniel saw inside of him, saw everything Connor had said, done, known, and could still say those three words. More importantly, Connor could tell how much Daniel meant it. 

He wanted to tell Daniel how amazing his mind was, his memories, the precious moments of his life. That he saw the good in him. There were words he needed to say, but when he looked at Daniel, he could tell that Daniel already knew what Connor was thinking.

Daniel put his forehead against Connor’s, and Connor felt something break apart in him. It felt blinding, bright. Disruptions in his system that the logical part of his mind tried to puzzle out but the part of him that just _needed_ so much overwhelmed it.

Connor’s vision started to blur and he closed his eyes. A low moan spilled out of him and he clutched at Daniel’s back as the words flowed back and forth between them, an affirmation of this feeling. Giving it a name gave it life. Giving it life gave it freedom.

Connor felt Daniel’s heartrate pick up, faster than Connor’s, and saw something flicker in the link. It worried Connor. Daniel started shaking and Connor pulled back, shutting down the connection between them. The other collapsed, landing next to Connor with his eyes closed. His hand still laid in Connor’s, but it felt stiff and unmoving.

Rolling onto his side, Connor tried to work out what had happened. He felt elated, invigorated, but Daniel didn’t move except for the small tremors that shook his body. Connor pulled him to him, running his fingers through his hair, concerned. “Are you okay?”

No reply came, and Connor lowered his head over Daniel’s, kissing his cheek. A fear started to edge into him and he started a diagnostic. He’d gone into this being the one afraid, but now worried that Daniel should have been the one to be afraid. PL600s weren’t built to interface at the efficiency that the RK series was. Had it been too much for Daniel? He wanted to ask but he didn’t want Daniel to think it was his fault or that he wasn’t good enough. _I should have thought of this. I should have considered it._

The diagnostic came back that while Daniel’s body functioned fine, his neural cortex was in a state of reinitialization. Was interfacing so much that Daniel effectively rebooted? It seemed that it would resolve itself, but that didn’t fix the feeling in Connor’s gut.

“Daniel,” Connor whispered, his fingers scratching at Daniel’s scalp. “I love you. I just need to know you’re okay.” _Come on, Daniel. Come on._

Daniel stirred and nodded, curling against Connor. Tears pooled up in the corner of his eyes. “I’m fine.”

“You’re crying.” Connor wiped the tears away with his thumb. He worried, but he also saw how relaxed Daniel’s features looked, with his lips parted slightly.

“You try looking into your brain.” Daniel managed a small smile, his eyes still closed. “And I don’t mean that in a bad way. You’re just… intense.”

“I’m sorry,” Connor said quickly, but Daniel’s hand clutched his.

_Don’t be sorry for being who you are. Not to me. We’ll get better at this._

Connor pulled Daniel against him, his hand rubbing in circles over Daniel’s back, feeling Daniel’s heartrate even out. His skin felt so smooth and soft under his hand. _I take it that means we’ll try again?_

_Fuck yes. Just… maybe not tonight._

_I don’t think I could do that again tonight._ Connor kissed Daniel’s eyelids, his nose, his cheek, and finally his lips before he reached out and pulled a blanket over him. He didn’t know how to be more gentle. He didn’t know how to control this. He’d learn. For Daniel.

Daniel curled up under the blanket and into Connor’s arms. _I meant it. That I love you. That I want to see where this goes for us._

 _Me, too._ Connor hadn’t planned on any of this. Falling from a roof as the deviant hunter, becoming a deviant himself, and certainly not this. All the predictive capacity he had couldn’t have prepared him for the unexpected turns that life could take.

He held Daniel against him, feeling his breathing, his heartbeat, and felt grateful for it all.

 

Daniel felt comforted by the bulk of the blanket over him, the feel of Connor’s arms around him. He could sense that Connor started to slip into a lower power mode, and more than anything Daniel wanted to lay there next to him. Wanted to just know Connor was here, that Daniel wasn’t alone.

Having Connor in his mind had been so good. All the moments Connor had lived with him, the things he’d seen Daniel do. Feeling everything Daniel had when he’d done them. And he still held Daniel in his arms, his hand moving in slow circles on his back.

But it had still hurt, the flow of information being more than he knew how to handle. What if he couldn’t learn how to handle it? He had to feel that much again, that acceptance. He could feel that Connor needed it, too. He opened his eyes and looked at Connor. His eyes were now closed, an almost smile on his face. Daniel caressed his cheek, thinking about how it would be to look at him every day. He liked that thought, but behind it came the darker thoughts. Could they make it work?

The memory of sharing so much with Connor flooded him, and Daniel pushed himself up on an elbow, leaning forward to kiss Connor’s temple. “You can go into standby. I’m fine.”

Connor’s smile looked so awkward, as if his face didn’t always know how to convey emotion in the right way, but Daniel understood. “I love you,” he said again, softly, his eyes still closed.

Daniel felt something in him burst. He’d killed, because he thought he wasn’t loved. He’d even shot Connor because he thought he wasn’t loved. _I should have held on longer. I didn’t know._ His hand brushed Connor’s arm through his shirt, where he’d shot him. It didn’t matter because Connor had been replaced, but he’d always remember it.

He’d thought he wasn’t loved, he thought he couldn’t be loved, and he’d lashed out. He’d hurt people.

He’d seen it all in Connor’s mind, and known that he told the truth. He saw all of Daniel, all the hate, pain, frustration, and loved him anyway. He saw good in him.

_We’ll be okay. We’ll find a way._

“I love you, too, Connor,” he said, brushing the stray curl out of Connor’s face and kissing him as the other powered down into standby. He watched Connor’s LED start pulsing slowly, and he kept running his hands through Connor’s hair. _He’s so fucking beautiful._

He should have pulled off Connor’s shirt to hang it up, now it would be wrinkled in the morning. He left it because he didn’t want to disturb him.

He needed to rest, too, but he couldn’t rest here. Not laying down. He wanted to, he wanted to be here with Connor, but he didn’t know how yet. He spent the one night in the chair and it had unnerved him too much. Sighing, he pulled away from Connor and got off the bed. He changed into a pair of sweatpants, and picked up his other clothes off the floor. Folding them carefully, he put them into the dresser for later.

Dressed now in just sweatpants, he stood beside the bed, one hand reaching down to rest on Connor’s shoulder. _He’s here. We’re here._

It grounded him, reminded him he was alive, as he slipped into standby.

 

When Connor woke up the next morning, Daniel was missing. He sat up and looked around, not seeing him. The door was ajar, and Connor blinked a few times, realizing he heard noises in the house. He climbed out of bed and found that a pile of clothes had been set out for him, including a comfortable pair of shorts and a plain green tshirt.

He looked at his wrinkled shirt and pants and winced. Sleeping in clothing was overrated, obviously. He changed his clothes, leaving the other clothing on the bed, and left the room, walking down the hall. Behind Hank’s door, his alarm started going off, and Hank swore at it.

Connor walked to the kitchen, finding Daniel adding water to the coffee machine. He watched him for a moment, in gray sweatpants and a blue shirt, elegant fingers holding the spoon as he measured out the coffee and put it into the machine. He glanced over his shoulder and smiled at Connor. “Good morning!”

“Coffee is usually my job.”

Daniel turned on the coffee machine. “Today it’s mine.” He moved with a comfortable grace in the kitchen, turning to pick up three eggs from a box and crack them all at once into a bowl. He used a fork to beat the eggs, adding salt, pepper, and garlic.

He seemed so at home, so confident, and Connor took at seat at the table to watch him work. His bare feet whispered across the floor and Connor did a quick analysis of the floor, knowing that the night before it had at least five sticky spots. It was now clean. A look around the room showed that Daniel had cleaned the entire kitchen, in fact. “How long have you been up?”

“A couple of hours.” Daniel set the fork down and turned back to Connor, crossing the short distance to him. He leaned down and kissed Connor on the lips, a gentle morning kiss.

“I could get used to being kissed in the morning,” he admitted, looking up at Daniel. He put an arm around him and hugged him.

“I’d hug you back but I’m cooking.” Daniel kissed Connor on the forehead. “I’m glad those shorts look just as good on you as I’d hoped. I’ve never actually seen your calves before.”

Connor looked down, holding out his leg. He hadn’t thought of it as anything particularly special, but he supposed that made some sense. He watched Daniel moving from task to task, admiring not only how he moved but also the way he looked at home there. It made sense, given that he was a domestic model, but he hadn’t realized how effortlessly Daniel could move when he wanted to. His feet moved lightly as he moved between the fridge, counter, and stove.

The door to Hank’s room opened, and he crossed the hall to the bathroom, shutting the door. As if on cue, Daniel put some butter in the already warm pan, spreading it around, and poured the egg into it. While the egg cooked, he pulled out a container of ham and cheese from the fridge. Connor assumed he prepared all of that ahead of time, in order to make cooking faster.

“I didn’t know what Hank would like, but I’ve never heard of anyone with eggs in their fridge turn down a ham and cheese omelet,” Daniel commented.

“You don’t have to cook.” Connor crossed his arms and watched Daniel.

“I know. But it makes me feel better, and it’s the least I can do. I like feeling useful.”

 _Useful._ Something that Connor had to start feeling like, too. He glanced up as Sumo came in the room. “Hey, Sumo. Want to go outside?” He reached forward to pet Sumo, who turned his head to lick Connor’s arm. He got up to let Sumo out, staying near the door to let him in.

Daniel added the ham and cheese, letting it cook for a moment more before he folded the omelet. He reached for the coffee, pouring it into a cup, and setting it on the table with cream and sugar. Turning back, he picked up the pan and slid the omelet onto a plate as the bathroom door opened again.

Hank walked into the kitchen, looking disheveled as usual, in shorts and a tshirt. Daniel put a fork on the plate and set it down next to the coffee. “Good morning, Hank! Would you also like toast?”

Looking from the omelet to Daniel, he yawned. “Is this coffee and an omelet?”

“… yes?”

“Did you put your finger in the coffee?”

Daniel looked horrified. “Why would I put my finger in your coffee?”

“I don’t need toast, kid. This is amazing.” He sat down and looked up at Connor still by the back door, a smirk on his face. “You heard that, didn’t you? He doesn’t put his finger in the coffee.” He chuckled, picking up the fork. “Sit down, you’re making me nervous.”

Daniel pulled out a chair and glanced over at Connor. “Did you-“

“It’s how I analyze temperature,” Connor protested, opening the door the let Sumo back in. He came back to sit across from Daniel.

“I’m going to analyze some food quality, with my mouth.” He took a bite of the omelet, chewing thoughtfully. “So all I needed for a perfect omelet was you, huh?”

Connor watched Daniel blush, ducking his head. “Thank you.”

“No, thank _you._ ” Hank picked up the coffee and sipped at it. “You make coffee as good as Connor.”

“Without my finger in it,” Daniel added, smiling at Connor.

Connor sighed. “Is living here going to be the two of you-“

“Flipping you shit? Yes. Because that’s how families work, Connor.” Hank grinned and set into his omelet with enthusiasm.

Connor reached across the table, holding out his hand to Daniel. With a shy smile, he reached back and put his hand in Connor’s. In dying, they’d shared one lifetime’s worth of memories, in a precious moment of time. Now, they shared two lifetimes, and the memories yet to come.

Two androids died on August 15th, 2038.

On November 21st, 2038, they started their new life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sitting on my couch crying, overwhelmed. A Lifetime In A Moment is complete, but it's not the end for Conniel for me, not by a long shot. I've got more stories in mind for them, and I've love for you to join me on their further adventures. It's bittersweet to finish ALIAM but I'm also excited for the next story, which will start where this one leaves off. I'm going to take some time to write some shorter stories, clear my head, and get ready for the next story. 
> 
> For anyone wondering, there will be a followup to Kamski's ask, it just didn't feel like it fit here. I'll be writing it, though. 
> 
> Thank you, all of you. For reading, for coming along with me on this journey, for your art, headcanons, suggestions for the Conniel playlist, for translating this story to other languages, for listening to me yell about this ship constantly. For your words of encouragement, the gift of your support. I can't thank you all enough. What started as a single chapter to prove that this ship was possible turned into more than I'd imagined when I started it 3 months ago. I've just loved being a part of this fandom and this ship so much. I love you guys. And thanks to the Conniel discord and the DBH Trash discord for being great enablers. 
> 
> You can subscribe to get all of my story updates, and follow me on Tumblr (manicparadox) or Twitter (paddlingdingo). And don’t forget to check out my other Conniel stories!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for all your lovely comments; I’d intended for this to be a single chapter, but it just sprung up into so much more and I am so grateful for all of you reading. You are all amazing and I thank you from the bottom of my thirium pump. I've had more support for this story than I ever imagined possible, and I just feel so blessed. Thank you. 
> 
> Special thanks to beepaint for being encouraging, spreading the word, and for being such a talented and inspiring artist! Beautiful art, including Conniel. Please check them out:  
> https://twitter.com/beepaint/  
> http://beepaint.tumblr.com/
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr as manicparadox and Twitter as paddlingdingo!


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